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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD self harming

11 replies

SAH07 · 19/03/2023 06:53

My 15 yo has been self harming the past week, she has done it previously at primary school. These cuts are much worse, and there are lots on her arm, they keep on bleeding through clothes. I do ensure she shows me so that i can see she is safe and the cuts are dressed properly.

She didn't tell me, I just knew from her posture that she'd done it. I've arranged counselling but just don't know what else to do.

Online suggests you ignore it and try to get her to open up. I'm trying this but it's so difficult, she's do withdrawn. I've told school and they are arranging for someone to talk to her?

Any wise words of experience to help please?

OP posts:
321gogogo · 19/03/2023 07:02

Just a handhold from me as DD did the same

Unfortunately for us CAHMS and school were fairly useless.

I always made sure we had the stuff needed to clean and patch up where needed.

PritiPatelsMaker · 19/03/2023 12:33

I've not experienced it but I've heard good things about this book for Adults and this book for teens, if she's willing to give it a go.

Original poster
SAH07 · 19/03/2023 12:52

321gogogo · 19/03/2023 07:02

Just a handhold from me as DD did the same

Unfortunately for us CAHMS and school were fairly useless.

I always made sure we had the stuff needed to clean and patch up where needed.

That's a real shame, I hope things get better

OP posts:
Original poster
SAH07 · 19/03/2023 12:52

PritiPatelsMaker · 19/03/2023 12:33

I've not experienced it but I've heard good things about this book for Adults and this book for teens, if she's willing to give it a go.

Thank you, that is really helpful

OP posts:
springontheway · 19/03/2023 15:39

Sorry to hear this, been here with my ds not long ago, age 16/17. It was the most awful experience of my life.

I heard that they stop when they decide to, and have other strategies. For my ds it was having CBT therapy, having a fantastic wefare teacher at school, and just time and some insight into his emotions. And a lot of
hard work and patience.

I'll always remember he said 'I'm crying out for help and I want you all to know how I feel inside'. That's when we went to the doctor and arranged the therapy (privately, didn't get anywhere on the Nhs). But he definitely made the decision to stop on his own after 4/5 months.

There's lots of help out there, but in terms of your role, listen, be there, and get her some help (first stop, the doctors, then therapy, there are local charities out there that provide it - also contact young minds) X

unkownone · 21/03/2023 00:58

We made DD16 sit with us after school and nights - no doors closed etc. Mine found journalling extremely helpful. Writing down things that they can look forward to etc. Took a lot of time as where we live have very little support. She forced her self to go outside and do things that 'should' make her happy until it eventually did. Replaced it with an eating disorder but then tackled that too. There's some aps she used that helps distract you when you feel you need to do it and celebrates each milestone.

InDesperateNeedOfSleep · 21/03/2023 01:08

I was a self harmer as a teen I just couldn't cope with overwhelming emotions, cutting gave me a release from the inner pain. My advice would be to ensure she knows you're there if she ever needs someone to talk to or just even be with in silence if that's what she needs.

Lauralizziecampd · 23/03/2023 01:23

I unfortunately started self harming as an adult. You just need to offer love and support. Let her know that it's OK. Make sure that she has clean blades and nonstick bandages. Just try and keep it open and communication honest so it doesn't go too far.

Original poster
SAH07 · 23/03/2023 09:48

unkownone · 21/03/2023 00:58

We made DD16 sit with us after school and nights - no doors closed etc. Mine found journalling extremely helpful. Writing down things that they can look forward to etc. Took a lot of time as where we live have very little support. She forced her self to go outside and do things that 'should' make her happy until it eventually did. Replaced it with an eating disorder but then tackled that too. There's some aps she used that helps distract you when you feel you need to do it and celebrates each milestone.

Thank you, I have asked her about writing things down and burning it if she has to.

Can you remember what app it was please?

OP posts:
Original poster
SAH07 · 23/03/2023 09:49

InDesperateNeedOfSleep · 21/03/2023 01:08

I was a self harmer as a teen I just couldn't cope with overwhelming emotions, cutting gave me a release from the inner pain. My advice would be to ensure she knows you're there if she ever needs someone to talk to or just even be with in silence if that's what she needs.

Thank you that is helpful. She does open up about a few things and has started to do so more often in the past few days

OP posts:
Original poster
SAH07 · 23/03/2023 09:50

Lauralizziecampd · 23/03/2023 01:23

I unfortunately started self harming as an adult. You just need to offer love and support. Let her know that it's OK. Make sure that she has clean blades and nonstick bandages. Just try and keep it open and communication honest so it doesn't go too far.

Thank you, how are you now?

OP posts:
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