Who is bu? Teen and dishwasher

[Tiredofteens]

I asked ds 15yo to empty and re-load the dishwasher.

5 times I asked him and got told in a bit. He's going out this evening to training so I knew where 'in a bit' was going. I told him no you need to do it now. Got scowled at, I told him to get the scowl off his face. He argued that I'm not letting him do the dishwasher now I'm moaning at him.

Anyway, he emptied it, but failed to reload it. Called him back, he half loaded it but left half the stuff on the side and in the sink. I called him back, he argued that the rest won't fit. I told him to rearrange it so that it fits as there was still plenty of room, and that he wouldn't be getting a lift to training until he did what I'd asked properly.

Big drama about how it's my fault because I hadn't shown him how to load it, more scowling. He did it in the end but why all the drama over a simple task?

What the actual fuck? I'm so annoyed. Please be kind don't need to be told I'm a shit parent.

I think you're a great parent! Bloody good on you for sticking to your guns & making him do it properly. When he's in a reasonable mood I'd explain that he'll be far better to just do it and take way less time than arguing and pissing about!

You are not a shit parent!

Keep on at him and make him do it. If he doesn't then he gets to eat off dirty plates with dirty cutlery.
Is he expecting a lift to training?
I have this as a fridge magnet and quite often used to point at it when my teenagers were getting stroppy about contributing to household chores.

Sorry, just read that he is expecting a lift to training....interesting! I imagine he expects to get there on time without lots of scowling and huffing and puffing on your part!

It will come good in the end - my ex teenagers even clean the whole kitchen, without being asked! And give me lifts if I need them.

Stay stong!

I would have stopped asking him and then when he asks for the lift say no until it’s done. If he’s late, he’s late.

I feel your pain! We have similar conversations in our house most days! It will all be worth it in the end though, when they become fully functioning adults, or at least that is what I tell myself when I'm trying not to strangle mine!

You are a good parent! It’s so much easier to give in.

Teens are often focused on themselves. The only thing that works is sticking firmly to boundaries and also bribery 😁 if you want him to do tasks regularly tying it to an allowance can make it easier to get a result,

You are a good parent! It’s so much easier to give in.

Teens are often focused on themselves. The only thing that works is sticking firmly to boundaries and also bribery 😁 if you want him to do tasks regularly tying it to an allowance can make it easier to get a result

Big drama about how it's my fault because I hadn't shown him how to load it
Did he ask for help and instructions?
I know the answer to this. We won't go into how a TEENAGER has managed to miss that memo all those years.
Teenager IBU. But you have to praise him, to encourage future good behaviour.

If he cannot load a dishwasher there are plenty of instructional videos he can access on his phone, usually by the manufacturer.

The drama is so you never ask him again, it is a toddler tantrum but what is lovingly referred to as a tall toddler tantrum which does not get him out of doing something.

I think the main lesson to learn from this is don't ask him to unpack the dishwasher ad-hoc but instead he gets to do it on a rota basis. In this house I have 2 teen sons and they both unload the dishwasher on alternate days, I unload it on a Friday. One does a Sunday and one does a Monday so they both have a weekend load. They have been doing this since they started secondary school. Eldest is now at uni so Dh and I split his share but he is home this weekend and will be back to doing it.

The other thing we do is after dinner everyone takes their plates etc into the kitchen and then the 2 boys go back and empty the rest of the table, wipe it down etc and come back to the kitchen. Everything is loaded into the dishwasher, units are wiped by them, anything hand washed is handed to them to dry but no one, no one leaves that kitchen until everything is done, even if your role has finished. That includes me or Dh too. It started when they were little so they understood what happened after dinner rather than going off to play, the quicker it got done, the quicker they could play. I run a strict household but then so did my Mum and I appreciate her for it.

Gold standard parenting. He was hoping you would give up.
He won't try that again!

If it's all so difficult, suggest he washes up by hand :D

We also have a dishwasher rota. Jesus, comes to something doesn't it. They are 15 and 14 FFS.

I'm sure I wasn't like this as a teenager....🤔

Bahahahhaa you'd love to drive half way to training then come home. Then drive the long way around and go to the wrong location. And then get it right the third time. But that would be immature. so you can't. You were right. But then mine are still babies 🤷‍♀️

Thank you so much, really needed that rant.

I love the teen board because it always reassures me that I'm not going insane. They can really test your patience.

Just so bloody frustrating. I'd have been more than happy to help him with the best way to load it. But usually when I offer any advice he will tell me "I knowwww how to do it" in true Kevin and Perry style. Of course he did know he just couldn't be bothered.

He came and apologised afterwards. Maybe he was worried about his lift or maybe he realised that a 10 minute job was made in a huge fuss.

Next time, if he claims to be unable to load the DW, tell him he'll just have to do all the washing up by hand in the sink.

I can guarantee his amnesia will miraculoulsy recover.

You handled this perfectly OP.

It's a pain, but so much of teen life, especially with boys, is instructions, repeated instructions ... and then a bit more.

(I don't agree with some posters re the 'gotcha' moments, mainly as they don't work, IMO ie not reminding them & then saying it's too late when it comes time for the lift. It seems like it should work but it doesn't. Teen minds don't tend to learn lessons like that, they just hold onto the perceived unfairness).