Sons friends excluding him

[dollyknockers]

My 15 year old sons friendship group for past 3 weeks have excluded him from all their group chats, ignoring him at school and at at local football team who they all belong to. He doesn’t know why and has asked but he’s gone from being this bright and bubbly boy to this sad lonely one all the time. He doesn’t want to go to school as he’s no one to hang round with and feels awkward. I’m also so upset by it all as it’s heart breaking to watch the change in him and feel helpless to do anything. He doesn’t want me to talk to any parents for fear of making things worse I’m at a complete loss how to help.

Very sorry to hear!
I know it can be heartbreaking to parents.
15 is a tricky age and they won't want us to get involved.
Could you email form tutor or pastoral care at school discretely?
I often do that as my 15 year old doesn't want me discussing anything with school.
Just keep encouraging him to be busy when he is at school, lunch time clubs or sports so his mind is off this.
Hopefully things will resolve or he will find a new tribe.

I'd encourage him to see it as a chance to make effort with others he doesn't spend as much time with and get to know them better. Kids deal with conflicts in this way a lot at that age and I'd be inclined to feel that sending him to school anyway will help him build a bit of resilience. Is it possible he does know why and he's said something or done something hurtful and doesn't want to tell you? If they were good friends before and seemed like nice enough lads then something has happened.

Poor chap. Could you encourage him to look for other nicer boys in the class to hang round with? In my dcs comp they can go to the library at break times or there are other "sanctuary" type places where they can go to if they are finding break times tough. He might meet others in the same boat there.

I feel you. The same thing is happening to my 11 year old. It’s heartbreaking to see. I’m hoping things will resolve naturally but if they don’t soon I’ll be letting teachers know although I’m talking primary here. If it was secondary I’d be emailing discreetly as someone up thread said. It may not help but it won’t hurt either.

This happened to my son in yr8 so a bit younger. They weren’t ignoring him as such but weren’t really involving him, had obviously set up new group chats without him, going out and not including him etc. I have to say it really upset me, especially as I was friends with some of the other kids mums. I probably did project my upset onto him a bit as well. He was upset but I think it made him realise they weren’t his people. He basically had to brush himself off and make friends with another group which took a bit of time but he got there. The original friends were the cool group, his new friends were (in his words) the dorks but he said he felt much more comfortable with them. Although he barely met with these new friends out of school. He would game online. So he went from going out lots to nothing for quite a few years. I was seriously over thinking this and spent many a night worrying about him thinking he was never going to leave his room, feeling sad that he’s not a boy that people are gagging to socialise with (we all want our kids to be popular right?) I have a teen daughter who constantly out so this just hammered home how isolated he was. But I should have just had faith in the process, he was happy in himself, he did socialise online, played football at weekends (randomly still with his old best friends who still to this day he barely speaks to)

They have all now gone to college, he’s got a part time job, joined a cple of college clubs and has started going out to a few parties and get togethers with his school friends and now some college friends too. I’ve realised that his time is coming now and I now can’t believe I spent so much time worrying about him.

so support him as much as you by making home a place for him to feel comfortable, try not to keep asking questions about if he spoke to the old friends etc as I think that just makes them even more aware. but encourage him to try and make some new friends. There will be lots of kids at school that he is loosely friends with already so hopefully he can start to hang with them. I would have a quiet word with his tutor and explain what’s going on so they can keep an eye on him at school. It just takes a bit of time to realise you are being ousted and then make the move to a new group. It is horrible but it is part of growing up for lots of kids

sending you both a hug as it’s bloody horrible but it does get better

Thanks @Imnoonesfool , I needed to read that today. 😊

Please do contact school and ask to be put in contact with pastoral care or form tutor. They will look into incidents like this to make sure there’s no bullying going on. I’m so sorry to read this, I can understand how upsetting it must be for you and ds. Have the friends previously been a nice bunch? Does ds have any idea of anything that’s caused this?