I’m scared of my teenager

[Icingonthecake23]

I’m on my own with my children , including a 16 year old boy.
He has become withdrawn and sullen and stopped going to school despite the school’s support and my best efforts to get him to go. He moved school at his own request and has only attended for one term. His school have been very helpful.
He has developed OCD behaviours and is now verbally abusive to me, sometimes physically pushing me too. He yells and swears at me from one end of the house to the other. He is on the Autistic spectrum. He swears at his younger siblings.

He sleeps all day and is awake most of the night. He only eats at night and yells at me as he doesn’t think I make him enough food. He says he’s going to report me for neglect as I don’t feed him enough and he wants me to lose my job.
He takes long showers in the early hours, waking us all up and drains all my hot water. I often don’t have enough hot water to take a shower in the morning before work. He has reset my heating times without my knowledge so my heating was on for 5 hours at night. He’s going to financially ruin me. He says I just have to pay for it and laughs at me.
He was offered a CAHMS appointment but didn’t attend. I asked for help from social services but they said we didn’t qualify.
I get no respite. His dad is nearby but is no support in all of this. I’m honestly scared of him.

[determinedtomakethiswork]

That sounds absolutely awful for you. I'm so sorry. Just bumping this in case someone else who knows a lot more than I do can help you.

[CommanderSeven]

Speak to Women's Aid. This is domestic abuse and perhaps coercive control? He's 16. You should be able to get help. Women's Aid can advise. They will help you find a solution that works.

[CommanderSeven]

Here's a page about child to parent abuse with a phone number for help

www.riseuk.org.uk/get-help/about-domestic-abuse/child-to-parent-abuse

[Flowersinmai]

Would his Dad have him for a period.
Have you ever called the police?
I would suggest going back to Social services again. I assume they would get involed if the police are called. Keep a record of Events and record/Film The behavior if you can.
Locks for the bathroom?
It sounds very hard. Do you have any male relatives who could Support you?

[Icingonthecake23]

Thank you all. His dad would have him but he won’t go there. He never goes there as he never leaves the house. I have no male relatives nearby. My long term partner, who doesn’t live with us, has witnessed it and has also been at the receiving end.
I’ve never called the police but have considered it. I always just think I must be doing something wrong and hoping that he will change.

[Donotneedit]

You need professional support.. He is still neurologically a child for a long time yet, obviously you’re going to feel protective as well as desperate for help. There are all sorts of helplines and charities. One of the things he needs from you is to set boundaries around his behaviour, so you may be well advised to call the police if he pushes you again. I really really feel for you and for him, he sounds like a very unhappy boy at the moment.

[Mumofteens4892]

Just wondering where OP got with this?

We have similar problems in terms of eating / sleep patterns / not at school.

[Donotneedit]

I hope you are doing okay OP and Mumofteens

been on quite a wild ride here with my teenage monster/angel, recently been receiving support from these guys, and can’t recommend them highly enough. https://capafirstresponse.org

[Icingonthecake23]

Hi, OP here. Thank you for your many responses and for thinking of me.
I’m afraid it didn’t get any better. Social work didn’t want to help as we didn’t meet their criteria. The doctor couldn’t help as my son was 16 and refusing help. Other agencies were sympathetic but couldn’t help, again because he was 16. Nobody would help me.
In the end, he left to live with his dad in September and despite my efforts won’t have anything to do with me. I haven’t seen him then and he has blocked me on everything. My heart is broken.
His dad just tells me he doesn’t want to see me and won’t facilitate it, his dad just puts up with the things he’s doing for an easy life.
It was so clear that there was a mental heat issue there, according to his dad that was just ‘my opinion’.
All I wanted was to help my son. 😞

[Donotneedit]

oh OP. Really feel for you, life can be so very brutal sometimes. I hope it’s not an overstep, but I suspect if you got in touch with Capa First Response they would still be able to help you and the work they do would probably equip you well to make the right advances towards your son and be ready when (hopefully) he is willing to talk again, sounds like he’s not in a particularly stable place, so there’s always hope for movement. Good luck, whatever you do x

[Icingonthecake23]

@Donotneedit

oh OP. Really feel for you, life can be so very brutal sometimes. I hope it’s not an overstep, but I suspect if you got in touch with Capa First Response they would still be able to help you and the work they do would probably equip you well to make the right advances towards your son and be ready when (hopefully) he is willing to talk again, sounds like he’s not in a particularly stable place, so there’s always hope for movement. Good luck, whatever you do x

Thank you x

[Secondstart1001]

Sorry I’ve come on this post late but some of this resonated with me as I was experiencing this with my Dd last year, some of it almost exactly the same and some of her behavior worse. I’m posting this as when I went to my GP to get help they said it needed to be with her consent as she was no longer a child. I argued with them very successfully that she was not of stable mental health to make decisions about her health and was a danger to myself and my Dd as well as to herself. They provided me with a private referral that I asked for and also recommended meds. We didn’t get that far but she started to make changes herself and although ocd never goes away it’s under control and she’s not longer abusive or violent with me. I hope your son comes round. In her worst moments she wouldn’t see me for weeks and she’d stay at her dads and in a way I would be releived 🥲😓

[SwordToFlamethrower]

Evict him. He is 16 and can go fend for himself.

These are the consequences of being abusive. He could go join the army at age 16

[DrunkenElephant]

@SwordToFlamethrower

Evict him. He is 16 and can go fend for himself.

These are the consequences of being abusive. He could go join the army at age 16

Read the thread, or at least the OP’s posts.