How do I deal with this?! First girlfriend?!

[Wombatbum]

My son is nearly 15. He told me he was going to the gym with his friends on Saturday and when it came to teatime I couldn’t get hold of him after ringing and ringing, despite him telling me he was walking home via WhatsApp. I had been to the supermarket and was driving around where he said he was to pick him up but couldn’t find him. So I checked his whereabouts on find my iPhone (I only do this if I can’t find him). He wasn’t where he was meant to be. Eventually he answered the phone and turns out he’d been with a girl. He was apologetic about lying. He’s year 10 and she’s year 9. He’s told me his revision session after school today was cancelled and is now with this girl.

how do I deal with this?! I have an older daughter who is 16 but she’s not had a boyfriend yet so this is completely new territory to me. He has four real GCSE exams coming up for early entry and I’m panicking he’s going to take his eye off the ball. Please talk me down!!! 😱

You need to helicopter less. What evidence do you have to suggest he’s going to take his eye off the ball? Why do you need to know where he is at all times? It’s also his responsibility at that age to manage how hard he works for his GCSEs - with parental encouragement of course.

I know, I’m annoying myself!
I just worry that he will mess up his exams (one being English so important) and it’s all freaking me out a bit.

I remember what I was like at that age 😩😩😩

You need to take a huge step back. It’s very telling that he felt he could not tell you he was going to see a female friend.

Your school days are supposed to be the best days of your life in a sense and there’s no need to keep him under lock and key to study 24/7

Allow him the joy to hang out with whoever he wants!

Sounds like you need to let go a little my son at 15 wouldn't want his mam n dad cruising round looking for him. He is allowed an adequate amount of free rein and times to get back then its up to him to adhere. Pull to tight in a boys strings and they will just leave and back off even more. Sounds like ours doing really well at school and tbh nothing he does in his chill times has effected anything not even when he told us about his first gf I think we are now at gf 4 lol

Holy god, let the boy breathe. You are way too anxious about this. It’s not a big deal. Stop putting this pressure on your son. It’s horrible to have an over bearing parent like you and yes your attitude now will affect your relationship in later life.

Other than telling him it’s not ok to lie to you, there’s nothing really to deal with as such.

He got a girlfriend by the sounds of it which is very normal. I would hope you have ongoing talks about sex, consent etc anyway but if not, it may be time to.

He may not have mentioned it if he feels quite monitored by you, in which case, ease off a little. He may not have mentioned it through embarrassment, you’re mum after all, or embarrassment with her being in the year below him, that would not be ‘cool’ in my children’s friendship groups.

Encourage him to still see friends and obviously school work is still the priority. Other than that, leave him to it. First love and all that.

I’ve never monitored him really before at all! I think that’s why I’m freaking out about my reaction. I never see him doing any work at home which has always bothered me but his teachers never show any concern, so we’ve just had a little chat about that. He plays football 4 days a week so I’ve just said I’m worried about there being no time for revision

take a massive step back, his teachers aren't concerned so you shouldn't be helicoptering, he's entitled to have a girlfriend

i think we all parent differently. i have seen kids throw away their chances at a good uni by being too focussed on romance! School days are yes supposed to be about fun but also work. work hard and you can be a happy fulfilled adult.

It's about balance. Healthy relationships help people grow. Have a word about honestly and trust and reassure him he can have space.