How do I tackle this?!

[sameshizdiffday]

I have a 13yo DD. She's generally a 'normal' teenager, seems to be getting on well at school, the odd mood swing but nothing major (yet!)

My issue is; she started her period about 18 months ago but I constantly have to remind her to change her pad otherwise she just doesn't bother. She had a sleepover at a friends house last night and I packed her plenty of pads as she's on her period. I reminded her before she went to make sure she changed it regularly. Got back today and I've just put her things in the wash, her pyjamas and underwear were wet through and stained, she's just not bothered to change it! Her bag absolutely stunk 🤢 sorry TMI
How on earth do I get her to realise how important it is? I'm worried she'll have no friends if she carries on this way, surely someone is going to notice!

Sorry I know it's horrible I just don't know how to approach this!

Are you she didn't just flood while she slept?

Try period pants instead? They don’t need changing anywhere near as often.

Other than reminding her there's not a lot else you can do, maybe set reminders on her phone. Have you asked her why she doesn't change? I can't imagine it's just genuinely forgetting (otherwise being soaked through would be a wake-up call). Have you thought about getting her some period pants to use instead to avoid soaking through clothing?

Period pants sound like a good idea, any recommendations?

Even if she did, she's come back with all the pads I packed for her untouched

Personally I really like modibodi, they feel like regular pants to me however they are pricey. Cheekypants do very reasonable sets and often have sales but even their regular prices are really good.

@sameshizdiffday

i bet she’s embarrassed about something.

i did something similar at a similar age and I was worried about others knowing I had my period. Our bathroom bin was open and rarely used. So I’d didn’t want to but my used pads in there where other family members episode see and tease me or guests would know.

so I hid them until I could bury them in the kitchen bin. Occasionally i forgot my mum found them and then told me off for being disgusting.

so I couldn’t talk to her about it. And I feared if I tried she’d dismiss my worries.

how have you spoken with her about this so far? Any shaming or anger and you have some serious repair work to do.

On some level she knows this isn’t ok.

but shell need your patience and understanding and to trust you’re offering that to unpack what’s going on.

My guess is embarrassment too. When I was a teen no matter how normal I knew it was I was still mortified to be on my period and would regularly hide dirty pads in my drawers instead of putting them in the bin. My mum shamed me about it once or twice which didn’t help. She could even be worried about someone hearing her change it.

Definitely try period pants for her.

Periods are gross and upsetting for many teen girls. I suspect she's trying to pretend it's not happening.
I would suggest period pants too. Much easier to manage - no changing soggy pads, no rustling, no obvious signs of actually being on your period.
We have Modibodi ones which are great, M&S do some quite attractive designs which are fine for lighter days. Modibodi often sell bundles which works out cheaper. It's an expensive outlay but they do pay for themselves and are environmentally pretty decent.
I just bung them in the wash with everything else.

Thanks all, I'll look into them.

I haven't spoken to her yet (posted on here for advice first!) but will try to not let my frustrations show when I speak with her. I do remember being very embarrassed too so I think that's probably it, I just worry her friends may notice and don't want her to have to deal with that!

Had a calm chat with her, she was very embarrassed bless her. Said she thought her period had ended last night so didn't wear any pad to sleep in and obviously it hadn't finished.
Have ordered some period underwear for her and we had a really nice talk about how rubbish periods can be but how it's all normal and she shouldn't feel embarrassed, then we had a hug 🤗

Thank you for all your help!