18th birthday - do you pay for their friends?

[cakedup]

A friend recently told me it's perfectly acceptable and the 'done thing' for teens who are celebrating their 18th birthday out with friends, for the friends to pay for themselves.

That doesn't sound right to me. I think once they are 19 and organising their own birthdays (I hope!) then that's when they go out for drinks or whatever and buy their own drinks.

Bit of context - DS turning 18. I'm on a tight budget. DS quite shy and not too sociable, doesn't want a huge fuss or party, not interested in alcohol, not too excited about meal out with friends. He loves gaming and there is an experience that I think he would love so I'm thinking to pay for him and a couple of friends. Then maybe they could go and get a quick bite and pay independently for that?

In contrast, friend's DS went out bowling and for a meal - all paid for themselves! The done thing in their school apparently. Not sure if it makes a difference but her DS goes to a private school and DS goes to school in a poor area. If DS' friends had to pay for themselves, I'm not sure they'd even go.

I think if you can afford it what you have suggested sounds great.

My DC were 18 recently. Similar gamers, not big into parties. They paid for their mates to go out bowling and have food. This was pretty similar to other 18s in their friendship group. We then paid for pizzas/ booze and a small 'gathering' for their mates. I think it just depends what their peer group do.

I think paying for the gaming experience is the right way to go and your DS will know who to invite who will pay for their own food afterwards.
Next week-end my GD will be 21 and my DD has decided to do a small meal at a local Bistro for 8 close family members for which she is paying the bill they are then meeting up with friends in Liverpool for a club night where GD has secured free tickets for everyone so not too expensive at all

Really? In my circle people stopped paying at 16 years as most of them had got part time jobs. I wouldn’t be paying for 18 year olds.

No 18 year olds are adults. They pay for themselves. My daughter went to Tenerife with friends and my son went to Amsterdam

Good point about what their peer group would do. I've not heard of his school friends doing anything! He only has a small group of friends and he reckons they are younger than him

Your plan sounds lovely. If it’ll make you or your son uncomfortable to ask them to pay for themselves, and this plan fits you and your son, well, jus do it!

my friends parents couldn't have afforded to pay for all of us

Our son had a long weekend away with friends funded by us, it was our house but we paid for travel, drinks and food.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way, it depends what your child wants and what you can afford. I think my daughter will just want something much quieter when she’s 18 in a few years.

Your idea sounds perfect for your son, I’m sure they’ll all love it.

I paid for my son and his mates to go out and do their thing

18 is a milestone age and I wanted to contribute to a good time 😀

DS has a lot of friends and a June birthday so we provided drinks and a BBQ early eve, then they all went out and paid their own way.

Sounds like a generous offer to me, and why wouldn’t you if you can?

In terms of if they can afford to pay themselves, different social groups will have different levels of spending money. I’d imagine that at least some of those 18s at your friend’s private school are paying much more over the year in pocket money/allowance than you’ll spend on a few tickets as a one-off.

It’s nice to be nice. I’d treat him and his mates if you can.

Round my way ( NW) the girls have a pre drinks do at home ( paid for by the parents) ....then all into town for a big night out....everyone pays their own way..... not sure about what boys do ( its all girls in our family now)

I’d pay. Especially if it is a experience type thing my son would enjoy. Just make sure he’s clear with his mates they are funding their own dinner etc afterwards.

my rule of thumb would be that if you are going to be somewhere that people can decide for themselves what to spend (ie going to a pub and you can drink tap water if you like) then it's ok to expect people to go dutch, but if you're going bowling or doing minigolf or whatever then you pay those fees for whoever you invite (but they can then choose for themselves whether to buy themselves refreshments)

I wouldn't get too hung up on it. (Many!) years ago when I was 18, I went to big parties in halls with buffets, I went out for a friend's dinner where their parents paid, I went out with other friends where we all paid our way and I also went out with a friend whose parents had given a chunk of money for some cocktails. So very varied! I don't think there's a right or wrong. If you can afford it and you think it would be a nice thing for your DS, then pay for the experience.

I paid for their friends up to 18.
Would happily have paid after that but they were away at uni.
DS1 did a very similar thing for his 18th. I paid for the gaming thing and for food afterwards.
If you can afford it it sounds lovely.

I let ds decide what he wanted to do, he picked a party at home but refused to let me buy anything because "nobody does that". All we had to do was disappear to our room and stay there 🤣

So I wasnt allowed to buy drink, mixers, snacks, pay for dominos etc. Everyone brought their own and all chipped in for dominos delivery. After a bit of negotiation I was "allowed" to buy a cake, but no candles 🤦🏻‍♀️. It seems that is the norm and everyone likes paying their own way now they are older and most have PT jobs and their own cash.

We pay for nights out for their birthdays
Eldest 22 but still in education