17yr old vaping and morning after pill

[WhatdoIsaytohim11]

My 17yr DD is my eldest and we are close and usually get on extremely well. She dated last year and slept with her ex. She was responsible and we spoke about contraception beforehand and she went on the pill for two months but the relationship ended. She’s got a new boyfriend now and we’ve discussed contraception again and she told me she will sort contraception before having sex but she’s only been with him a few weeks and is taking things slowly.
I found boxes of vape bars in her bedroom and also pics of her vaping on her iPad, plus she had been for the morning after pill 2 weeks ago.
Her new boyfriend smokes cannabis and I messaged her to say we need to talk about a few things. I’m very much anti smoking and anti vaping after my Mum died of lung cancer 4 years ago.
DD was with her Dad this weekend (we split 9 years ago).
I asked her to come and speak to me yesterday before lunch. She has just ignored me. She sent her 14yr old sister round for her college bag and clothes.
I dropped off her sister and my ExH defended my eldest DD on the doorstep, saying she’s done nothing wrong, hasn’t vaped or had sex and he believes her. Said she doesn’t want to see me or come back to my house.
She normally lives here with me.
She will be 18 in 6 weeks.
She has lied about so much. She’s also taken out a Tesco Clubcard account in a fake name and given her new boyfriend a ring that was mine and I didn’t know it was missing.
I don’t know what to do. Her Dad is defending her and she won’t reply to me.
I keep crying.
Any advice?

She is almost 18 and can choose where she lives and she will choose the easiest option where she gets the least pushback. Accept that for now she will stay with her dad, but let her know you are missing her and there for her if she needs to talk. She is at the age where she needs to find her own way and it sounds like this relationship is a bit disastrous but you cannot control it or fix it. If she knows you are there for her then your relationship will repair in time.

Let her know you'll be there when she needs you and then let her go on with it.
She's old enough to sort herself out and know consequences, at least she sorted the MA pill. Vaping is awful but is it worth the battle with an 18 year old. She's gonna do things and make decisions you can't control, it's probably a good thing if she's not in your house while this relationship runs its course if she's stealing etc. Let her dad deal with it and the boyfriend

I'd be annoyed about the ring and I'd want it returned but I wouldn't get into a conflict about the rest of it. She's a young adult. She'll make mistakes it's not the end of the world.
Why would someone want a Clubcard in a fake name?

she's 17, i think she's old enough to make those decisions, and you expect her to talk to you after you treated her like a child and did the whole 'we need to talk, what were you gonna do, ban her from seeing her boyfriend or were you gonna ground her, you treated her like a young teenager and not like an adult like she's 18 in 6 weeks, she's hardly 14 and rebelling, you have issues with vaping and smoking because of your mum and i'm sorry about that but it's not her job to cater to that, if your mum died of liver cancer would you get mad she had a drink. Also what does the morning after pill have to do with anything?

Vaping is stupid, but if getting the map then at least she's aware of contraception etc. Policing her sex life is a bit weird. She'll come back, she's safe.