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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Worried about DS15

4 replies

closethedrawer · 23/02/2023 08:56

Just so worried for him. He doesn’t seem to have anything going on in his life or anything to look forward to.

He’s doing his GCSE’s, he’s not particularly academic but will hopefully scrape through with enough passes to go to college. But he has no idea what he wants to do, we’ve spent ages trying to help him choose a course but there’s nothing that interests him. Apprenticeships are a no because he doesn’t know what he’s want to do. He’s admitted that’s he worried about college and making friends as he’s really quite socially awkward, finds it difficult to hold a conversation.

He loves sport, particularly football, but had to give it up due to an operation on his leg which is taking longer to heal than expected. He was born with a birth defect and will always struggle with his legs to a certain extent. I’ve tried to persuade him to try other sports but he’s reluctant due to his legs.

The friends that he made at the start of secondary school have all drifted apart and he’s been drifting between friendship groups since the beginning of Yr11. He loves the PlayStation and will play with his friends sometimes but often plays alone. He rarely sees friends out of school. I can’t see him staying in touch with anyone once he’s left school.

He doesn’t have any hobbies or interests apart from the PlayStation and football, me and his dad suggest things to try but he’s not interested. At weekends when he’s with me he’s usually on his PlayStation or phone, and when he’s not he just sits around doing nothing.

He’s an only child, me and his dad split up when he was 7, but we still parent together and he sees his dad a lot. I have a long term partner but we don’t live together. His dad remarried a few years back but he doesn’t have much of a relationship with his step mum. Neither of us have a big family and he has no uncles or aunts but he does have grandparents.

I wouldn’t say he’s unhappy as such, at least I don’t think so, but he’s definitely apathetic. He’s not much of a talker and can be very hard to read. He just seems so distant sometimes and reluctant to talk about his feelings. He’s generally well behaved and helpful, doesn’t really give us any problems. I’m concerned that he’s just drifting along with no purpose or direction which I don’t think can be good mentally. I know I have a lot to be thankful for but that doesn’t stop me from worrying. I just don’t know if there’s anything I can do to help him.

OP posts:
DarkChocHolic · 23/02/2023 09:22

Hello OP,
I have a DD doing GCSEs too. I think the sheer worry of the exams deflates them quite a lot.
Not minimising your worries at all but I would wait until exams are out of the way.
I am hoping a big burden is off of them then.
Would he like to try a job or volunteer after GCSE?
Something to pick up in the summer?
Would he like to join the gym?
Its a very hard period and I feel very anxious about the future too.
We just have to support them the best we can and hope something Will click and motivate them in due course

PragmaticWench · 23/02/2023 09:28

What about something like Duke of Edinburgh Award, where he'd meet new people and try new things in a structured way? Would he go along with you to try out new activities, maybe a table tennis club or a pottery class? You could ask him to go with you rather than making it about him going on his own.

Turquoisa80 · 23/02/2023 09:41

Encourage him to look inwards and recognise his strengths and weaknesses so that he can see what careers will appeal to him. Ask him to get the milk, get thim to do small errands that gets him outdoors

closethedrawer · 23/02/2023 10:24

Thanks for the replies 🙂

He has a job working as a pot washer in a pub for a few hours on a Friday night. I think he's going to ask for more hours after exams and once he's turned 16.

He used to go to the gym but has been put off due to his physical difficulties.

He refuses to do anything with me out of the house as it's embarrassing being seen with your mum 🙄 he's more inclined to do things with his dad but his dad is often busy. We do kick a ball around in the garden and he likes to cook - this weekend he's practising 2 of his dishes for his Food Tech practical. He has no interest in DofE as it's 'lame'.

Part of the reason it's been hard for him to choose what to do at college is because he's limited by his physical difficulties. He has no desire to do A Levels, which is fine. But the things he's even remotely interested in (cooking, sports) won't be things he can do in the long term as he will need a sedentary job. We've said to just consider what he fancies now but he can't see the point.

OP posts:
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