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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My 14 year old

15 replies

Strugglingmum83 · 22/02/2023 20:01

Hello I have always struggled with my 14 year old and have early help evolved to help with hes behaviour and not going to school early help have suggested getting social services involved as worried about the company he keeps and he vapes etc has anyone else had social services involved with their child who is like mine and had a positive outcome I was in care as a baby so never had good experiences with them I really don't want them involved but I'm willing to try for my son to get him help any advice would be good

OP posts:
ourflagmeansdeath · 22/02/2023 20:13

Really sorry for the situation you're currently in OP, I hope it all works out in the end. I reckon talking to his school (if you haven't already) could greatly help especially involving the company he keeps. They can help out a lot. Other than that, try and understand the mental side of things - how is his mental health? For example, is his unwillingness to attend school due to the environment there or is there something deeper behind it.

Hope this helps in some form. I understand you've probably tried these things already - others may be more helpful.

Original poster
Strugglingmum83 · 23/02/2023 00:35

I have spoken to the school there was issues with another kid but that's sorted he just isnt intreasted in school and never has been and the group he is hanging around with is in there late teens early 20s that he met on the bus which is why early help is concerned I'm currently going through NVR which is non violence resistants he can be violent towards me as well which is why I'm on the course I am at my wits end with him x

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 23/02/2023 08:15

No experience sorry OP just wanted to offer a virtual handhold Flowers

Choconut · 23/02/2023 08:18

I think if you're already at your wits end and he's falling in with a bad crowd then it's probably best for both of you if you take any help you can get. I don't have any experience with SS but if you can get them to help in any way it's got to be worth a try.

MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 23/02/2023 10:07

Hi there, @Strugglingmum83 - sorry to hear that you and your DS are having a tough time right now. We hope you don't mind but we've moved your thread over to our Teenagers topic where we thought you might benefit from the support of fellow parents of teens.

Hope that helps but do let us know if we can do anything else - and best of luck with it all. Flowers

wishmyhousetidy · 24/02/2023 16:57

Hi I understand where you are. Same in my household, there has been some trauma which may have caused the violence but we don’t know. I understand how you feel as we have been there for two years, We involved the social services because we were out of our depth and terrified for her safety and mine. They have been very good. It’s called Child in Need in our case and there are meetings with school and we have a lovely social worker. He calls and visits us and speaks to our daughter as well. This has been going on for two years, started at 14 - i would advise you to contact them as I have avidly read around the subject and violent behaviour in teens rarely just disappears. Social worker also sent us on a course about Child to Adult abuse which is useful because you meet other parents going through it -it can feel very isolating.

The cause I feel in our case is untreated severe depression, wrong crowd and self medicating. But i am not a Dr- i just hope Camhs step up and help
Good luck x

Sunriseyes · 28/02/2023 21:08

wishmyhousetidy · 24/02/2023 16:57

Hi I understand where you are. Same in my household, there has been some trauma which may have caused the violence but we don’t know. I understand how you feel as we have been there for two years, We involved the social services because we were out of our depth and terrified for her safety and mine. They have been very good. It’s called Child in Need in our case and there are meetings with school and we have a lovely social worker. He calls and visits us and speaks to our daughter as well. This has been going on for two years, started at 14 - i would advise you to contact them as I have avidly read around the subject and violent behaviour in teens rarely just disappears. Social worker also sent us on a course about Child to Adult abuse which is useful because you meet other parents going through it -it can feel very isolating.

The cause I feel in our case is untreated severe depression, wrong crowd and self medicating. But i am not a Dr- i just hope Camhs step up and help
Good luck x

Hi do you have any more info about this course child to adult abuse ?

wishmyhousetidy · 01/03/2023 21:54

Hi Sunriseyes we have a social worker for my daughter who has been assaulted and has behavioural issues and he suggested it. I think it is a relatively new course dealing with ways of coping with child to adult violence and parenting styles which may mean this is more likely to occur and how to deal with it- for example calling police etc. Ask your local social services about them to see if one in your area.

mumofblu · 02/03/2023 03:15

Hi
I feel for you
We were dealing with aggression, risk taking behaviour and self harming .
We had to call the police on the aggression. They were brilliant listening , calming the situation and re enforcing that our boundaries were reasonable . Social services activated child in need for both children , younger sibling was witnessing so had own worker .
We also informed school who were v supportive .

It was the worst time and the stress was unbelievable.

We also accessed counselling as may be trauma related

I also got gp involved who diagnosed depression and prescribed
Also blood tests showed pernicious anaemia so I would recommend health check blood tests .

Don't be afraid of getting help , no service involved now except Gp .

And I accessed mental health for myself
The stress was indescribable but a year later just a stroppy teenager .

wishmyhousetidy · 02/03/2023 15:40

mumofblu · 02/03/2023 03:15

Hi
I feel for you
We were dealing with aggression, risk taking behaviour and self harming .
We had to call the police on the aggression. They were brilliant listening , calming the situation and re enforcing that our boundaries were reasonable . Social services activated child in need for both children , younger sibling was witnessing so had own worker .
We also informed school who were v supportive .

It was the worst time and the stress was unbelievable.

We also accessed counselling as may be trauma related

I also got gp involved who diagnosed depression and prescribed
Also blood tests showed pernicious anaemia so I would recommend health check blood tests .

Don't be afraid of getting help , no service involved now except Gp .

And I accessed mental health for myself
The stress was indescribable but a year later just a stroppy teenager .

As your daughter was diagnosed with depression did she get medication and did it help? We are still awaiting Camhs diagnosis- they think ADHD, or depression. Just wanting to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel:)

mumofblu · 02/03/2023 15:42

Yes she got low dose of sertraline and Vit B injections . She says she feels much better ,and her mood , coping ability is much improved.

WakingFromTheDream · 02/03/2023 15:50

More virtual hand holding and hugs to you xxx

It's huge.... try to resource yourself with positive activities to help you - walking / yoga / meditation...

Is it possible to organise a different bus to school to encourage a change in friendship group? So hard I know.....

wishmyhousetidy · 02/03/2023 16:27

mumofblu · 02/03/2023 15:42

Yes she got low dose of sertraline and Vit B injections . She says she feels much better ,and her mood , coping ability is much improved.

Thanks for that and I am pleased to hear things are going better for her

Original poster
Strugglingmum83 · 02/03/2023 19:53

In my area the course is called NVR non violent resistance I think it stands for
For child to adult abuse

OP posts:
wishmyhousetidy · 02/03/2023 21:43

Strugglingmum83 · 02/03/2023 19:53

In my area the course is called NVR non violent resistance I think it stands for
For child to adult abuse

It is different, though NVR is useful this is more about having your own boundaries as parents and not allowing teens to manipulate, also to understand actions have consequences and learning.when to leave an argument before it escalates. It’s useful and the people are nice which helps

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