Thread for empty nesters

[Encorebiscuitandtea768]

If your teen or YA have left home how are you doing?

I was a bit blindsided by the level of emotion I felt when my dc left as I am not normally very sentimental and although I expected to miss them a lot, I was looking forward to having some head-space.

I’ve got over that though and I am finally turning my attention back to myself but putting others first has become so ingrained that I am struggling a bit.

Anyone fancy a chat?

One of mine has. I miss him but am also taking the time to focus on myself.

I have gone on a solo trip, joined lots of groups and have embarked on a tough work project. It is tough in the early stages.

Good for you Lentilweaver! Sounds like you have a strong sense of direction!

I know where I want to go and what I want to do but I’m finding motivation aspect hard.

I’m lacking confidence too. I suppose I can ignore my own shortcomings when I focus on others all of the time!

I got a dog :)

I was going to suggest a cat or a dog! I would love either but my lifestyle is too unpredictable to get one.

How far away are your DC? mine is at uni in the same city so visits on the weekends. Makes it much easier.

What would you like to do with the extra time? For instance, travel. Can you go on a group tour?

I second the power of pets but already have three dogs and other farm animals!

I also know what I want to do: pottery and exercise but end up on the sofa with Netflix and a snoring dh instead!

Actually, much as I love and respect him, the snoring dh is a problem because he works all hours six days a week and I thought we would have free time together by now and it’s fairly obvious that we won’t for a long time yet.

I’ve been very supportive for thirty years and altered my life to fit his. I’m not sure I still want to go on doing this for another decade or more.

DD1 left for uni 200 miles away last Sept. For the first few weeks I felt as if I'd had an arm chopped off. Could hardly stop crying. I then got used to her not being around and being able to use her bedroom as a dressing room 😂. It helps that she's doing really well and loves the town where she now lives. We talk all the time and get together every 6 weeka or so

That’s great Funkyslippers so glad your dd is loving uni life!

How are you feeling now? Are you doing anything new?

New with your time I mean, sorry, cooking dinner while posting!

Both of mine left for uni in Sept. It was particularly hard with both leaving at once, although DD1 was on a gap year previously so was not around some of the time which was I guess a slight taster.

I really struggled for the first month or so, but have now kind of got used to the new normal, and actually between uni holidays and reading weeks (which don't completely overlap as they are at different universities), the odd weekend trip to see them (well, once each so far) and the odd trip back home for parties (DD2 has quite a few friends on a gap year), we haven't had many really long stretches of not seeing either of them. We also what's app a reasonable amount (they particularly like to receive photos of the dog!) and tend to speak a couple of times a week- very different from when i was at university when it was a case of queueing for a payphone in halls for a weekly phonecall home on a Sunday!

I work full time so it is really just the weekend when i find i have more time on my hands, but have a few friends in similar positions so have been seeing a bit more of them, and DH and i still seem to enjoy each other's company, so have not felt the need for more hobbies etc. I still really miss them though.

We have enjoyed being able to be a bit more spontaneous in planning the odd weekend away and have just booked our first term time holiday since pre-DC. These are the main silver linings - as well as being able to reduce our cleaner's hours (suggested my her as she has much less to do without DD2 in particular being around).

Ds2 left for university last September so we officially have an empty nest.

It was a struggle at first but I do quite like the quiet now. Ds2 came back for a reading week recently and we visited ds1 which was nice.

Life hasn’t really changed much, I’m working full time so always busy. I miss ds2 being here at the weekends, he used to look after the cat so we could go away🤣
Terms feel very short, particularly for ds1 so them being home comes around very quickly.

Encorebiscuitandtea768 thanks. Not really anything new, though I keep telling myself I need a new hobby!

I really do wish she was closer though. I'd love to be able to just jump in the car on a weekend and be with her in an hour or so. We did the journey over Oct half term (she only gets end of terms off) and it took twice as long as we'd hoped, nearly 6 hours! Plus the cost of petrol and accommodation so I doubt we'll be doing that much. But we're meeting half way this Saturday and she's coming home for Easter and the summer. So I do have more time to myself, it's just I don't know what to do with it! It's nice spending more time with DD2, when she wants to! I'd recommend exercise, it's such a great mood booster. Just getting your workout clothes in is half the battle, as I'm about to find out! Pm me any time x

Thank you for these replies!

Mine left both at once too WhyOhWine and I do think that makes a difference. Had to smile about reducing cleaner hours in the absence of your dd! Can very much sympathise with that! 😃😀

I only work pt so perhaps I need to up my hours. Agree that all the visits to uni and back, especially if it’s a long way and you stay in a hotel + fuel etc, all adds up!

Also agree that terms are very short so the peace is quite short-lived! 😂

Thank you for your offer to pm Funkyslippers that’s very kind of you!

And yes exercise is a priority for me this year! Trying to find sports clothes that don’t look ridiculous on me is a challenge!

Encouraging thread and just wanted to say also I hear you, only one has left here but still feeling the empty nest as they get older, half term in particular has been much quieter than it once would've been.

Like others say exercise helps - would also like to make some new friends, I do have some but all pretty busy for one reason or another.