Does this ring eating disorder bells ?

[Bibbling]

I am concerned my DD is showing some
early signs and am Wondering if parents with experience can say if this sounds picky or worrying.

DD was always a great eater, never really fussy. This started to change around 12.

She will eat the dinner I cook and eats a decent portion but it always fairly basic - spag Bol, lasagne, curry , stir fry, mash etc

Outside this all she eats is apples and cereal. She rarely snacks and I have to put breakfast in front of her and she eats half a bagel. Lunch is a slice of brown bread with peanut butter. She used to eat biscuits etc but doesn’t really eat them anymore. She is very thin and very conscious about how she looks. I’m getting concerned as foods keep dropping off the list

If you're worried you are almost certainly right to be worried.

My dds ED began by portion sizes decreasing but she always would eat her dinner. It's a bit of a myth that if you have anorexia/an ED you don't eat at all. Typically kids do eat bit bit by bit it gets less and less. My dd was very ill but was still eating around 1000 calories a day. Teens actually need around 3000 calories a day especially younger teens as puberty requires a massive amount of energy.

For a start try and get her to a GP, she needs to be medically checked over ideally including bp, pulse and bloods.

Try and insist she eats three times a day and a couple of snacks, if she kicks off that is a huge red flag as being asked to eat a piece of cake or chocolate bar shouldn't be a reason to get angry.

Does she do any exercise?

There is a teen with EDs thread you are welcome to join, lots of parents on there who have been where you are now.

Thanks @Girliefriendlikespuppies yes she plays tennis so some sport.

When I compare what her younger sister eats there is a huge difference.

She is refusing most snacks now which is a worry. She would previously have had biscuits etc

@Girliefriendlikespuppies If you could post a link to that thread I would be grateful, I can’t find it

My daughter started eating from smaller bowls, with a teaspoon.She ate very slowly.We didn’t notice at first. She ate a lot of sliced apples dipped in peanut butter. She wore baggy clothes.My advice is to keep communication open with her…. we got through it but I am aware that she may always be living with it.

Has she lost weight? Anorexia is triggered by weight loss, even a small loss can have a big impact on the brain.

If she wants to do tennis she has to eat 🤷‍♀️ it definitely sounds identical to how my dds ED started (sorry I wouldn't wish this on anyone!)

You can also start ensuring everything she does eat is as calorific as possible so use ff milk, butter, cream etc where possible.

I'm not very good at links but it's under the health topic and then Eating Disorders, the teen thread is at the top (well it is atm!)

thread (8)for parents of young people with an eating disorder www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4718773-support-thread-8for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder

Ooo have I done it?! 😁

Got it thank you. Good tip on the full fat milk. I’ll get that , we only have low fat here

Does she show any signs of ocd?
Sometimes that can present as issues with food.

Are there any big stressors in her life or home environment atm?

@Pinkbonbon No ocd at all and she is not a perfectionist in any part of her life. She has become extremely obsessed with how she looks of late

Keep an eye but don't go in all guns blazing at this stage or go down the forcing or watching her eat.

How old is she now? 12/13? Is she average build or overweight or already slim? Has she lost weight recently or started wearing baggy clothes? Exercising more? Is she watching tiktok videos promoting skinny? What are her friends like? Is it a peer pressure thing?

Just so you are aware of some things to look out for - As a teen, I used to leave the house before my parents were up and I'd leave a bowl with a tiny bit of milk and some cereal in it or a knife with some butter on and shake the toaster on a plate to make crumbs to look as though I'd eaten - teens are sneaky. I also didn't really eat my packed lunch - just picked at it. I usually ate most of my dinner as obviously I would be hungry by then. But I got very fussy over foods and I'd weigh myself sneakily daily and do sit ups at night if I'd put on weight. I was very thin and ended up having fainting episodes and low blood sugars.

I'd say I stopped the behaviours when I got a serious boyfriend at 18 and he cooked for me or took me out for meals/takeaways etc - it was hard eating in front of him for a long time. When we split up I slipped back and got dangerously thin again and even in the early days with my now husband I was very thin - only 6 stone when I got pregnant with our first child and was in dangerous low bmi category was scanned every 4 weeks in the pregnancy to check that the baby was growing - he was fine. I did struggle with the weight gain in all my pregnancies and whenever I have times of sadness or stress I tend to not eat rather than comfort eat. It is a form of control.

Now, I am a size 10. I am the biggest I have ever been aside from pregnancy. I try to avoid weighing myself at all as it triggers old habits. I am self conscious still and hate swimming as although I look fine in clothes, I hate my body when undressed. I know this is an issue in my head though and I can block it out most of the time. I am aware of my eating habits and try not to create any issues around food in my children.

I hope it is just a phase for your dd or if not you have caught it early enough.

@Bibbling If it is indeed an ED she will not be fooled by full fat milk and she is likely to not drink it or use it if you suddenly switch from low fat to that - she is not stupid and if she did drink it she may then purge or exercise the extra calories. I don't think it will help. You are better to keep a supply of healthy snacks in or stuff you know she likes. Or ask for meal suggestions - you could potentially sneak in higher calorie options in the meal preparation stage but again be careful.

Definately no need to be a perfectionist. I had ocd in my teens and I'm both lazy and messy xD

Look for weird quirks. Or perhaps, over showering/hahdwashing/time spent in the bathroom in general (of course that could vlbe other things too). Or the more obvious stuff like getting stressed if a normal routine is interrupted or always doing certain things in a certain way with no variation...guess that's a tough one to explain lol.

But yeah nothing to say it can't just be eating disorder...but I'd argue thats a form of ocd anyway as its all about finding control in your life and involves intrusive thoughts. Eg: 'If I don't stay thin, people will think I ugly. But if I don't eat then I'll be fine'.

No no no
she needs psychological support, not more calories being tricked into her
how many times do survivors have to repeat: it’s not about the food

Thanks all.
@Aria20 she as always slim but more so now. She’s almost 15 and has acne which is clearing up with medication
Shes not exercising more and her friends are a mix really - some bigger some smaller than her. She’s definitely doing some of the lying about eating for sure

Definately don't sneak ger higher calories foods. That will provoke a more extreme reaction as she will feel she needs to purger her body. Plus, she'll feel she can no longer trust you.

Get her to her gp. Make sure it's a woman and let her speak to her alone after you've talked about your concerns. Hopefully therapy will be recommended. Because if there is an eating disorder, she needs to get ahead of it fast.

I hope you don't mind me coming on here as a person who suffered from an eating disorder at that age.
I did it because at the time I had an unhappy home life. I didn't realise this back then. I would avoid carbs and eat apples and fruit. I cut out all snacks.
My periods stopped during this. It stopped because my mum shouted at me and it scared me into "behaving" or eating properly. I don't think my mum dealt with it well. I wasn't taken to the GP and I was not looked after emotionally. I think my mum just did not know how to help me. Now we would know all about mental health and not feeling shame and parents are more understanding. Back then it was different. I now have problems with thick hair growth (face, limbs), dental issues and I fear I may have caused some damage to my heart (I get palpitations, chest pain occasionally under stress/illness and am contemplating getting checked out). It has long term consequences and you can help your DD. Just by being there for her and gently supporting her, keeping that line of communication open and knowing it's ok to involve a GP. I hope you are ok and that she gets the help she needs if it does escalate 💐

Op you may find the teen ED thread more useful, a lot of the current treatment (FBT) which is NICE recommended and evidence based, sounds completely insane to people who haven't been through this.

FBT literally means the family take full control and the child eats what you give them, the higher the calorie and the higher the fat intake the better chance the child has of recovering.

I appreciate that is extremely difficult for people to believe and I would have felt the same before my dd became ill.

It's not about tricking them but about giving them what they need to recover.

In the first instance your dd needs to be medically checked over as even small amounts of food restriction can have some drastic health implications.

My experience too, and I 100% agree

Indeed, it seems absolutely bonkers.

Thank you. It’s good to hear first hand experience

Yep, I'd second @Girliefriendlikespuppies's recommendation to have a read through the other thread. It does sound bonkers looking on, but current research suggests that some of the wrong thinking comes from the brain being starved of fats (in particular). So whilst talking therapy is often helpful/necessary, some kids recover simply by returning to and maintaining a healthy weight (that's been our experience with our teen).

To me it sounds like it's worth being alert and mixing things up a little. If you try and introduce more/different food and there's a huge reaction from her, it shows that there is rigidity in this area that she might need some support to be free from.

Second thought - have her periods stopped?
They had stopped for my daughter - that gave us the excuse of visiting the nurse for a check. So rather than it being 'you've got an eating disorder' we were able to say 'something's going on with your body, let's see if we can find out what'.