Boozing and vaping

[Maybeoneday77]

Hi, just looking for some neutral advice really. My DD is a good girl and 15. The last couple of months there have been a few house parties with alcohol. I didnt mind her having a few drinks at family parties but now there is alcohol at teen parties and I encourage her to be sensible etc and I collect her at 11.30, but people keep bringing vodka and vapes to these parties and at the last couple I’ve discovered she has been sick and so have a couple of others. Presumably it’s the combo of too much alcohol and the vapes. So do I come down on her like a ton of bricks and not let her go to the parties, does this risk more lying, or do I have to accept this is a teen thing ? It seems far too young and excessive to me, but I’m trying to see if there are other more experienced opinions.
she told me she was sick at a party 2 weeks ago, so I was cross and said she needed to drink less, say no, and not get in such a state. I’ve just found out she was sick at the latest party this weekend so she obviously hasn’t learnt the lesson and is now just lying to me by saying she was fine! So how do I play it from here ……thanks

I think the only thing that "coming down on her like a tonne of bricks" would achieve is stopping her from confiding in you.

Have you spoken to her about contraception? The recovery position if her friends are being sick? How she can ask you to pick her up if she's uncomfortable with anything but blame you and make you look like the unreasonable one?

Stop getting cross - it’s not going to stop her drinking or vaping, it’ll just stop her telling you, and you want her to be able to tell you what she’s up to and asking advice/for help if she needs it.

you say she’s a good girl - this is a phase and most of us go through it. Take her out for lunch and chat about your concerns etc - that you need to know where she is and who she’s with and that she’s safe etc.

I have a 16yo who’s working her way through this stage. She and her friends go over the top sometimes but less frequently now and afaik they all say no to drugs.

Very sensible approach right there x

I used to go to nightclubs at 14/15 and get very very drunk BUT my parents talked to me and set rules. I never lied about where I was, who I was with or missed the last bus home and I never messed with drugs, which were popular in my group of friends at the time. I feel my patent's approach allowed me to feel like a grown up and although I was sick many times, I respected their rules as they gave me some 'room'. Can't imagine kids that young in nightclubs now but I think the drinking to excess and vaping /smoking is all part of growing up and with a supportive parent it can be managed. On the other hand I am worried about how I will approach this with my DD when she reaches that age as I think it's easier to say than do!

Ok Thankyou for helping me see straight. I guess it’s a normal thing for this age then and I will keep talking to her about it and let her carry on tho it’s hard !

I have this with my 14 year old too. She’s been drunk a couple of times at parties now, plus vaping and even weed. It’s horrendous. But I try not to hit the roof as she at least tells me stuff still. I have no idea how to manage it tbh - she is a lovely girl too so I don’t want to get mad and I’m sure it’s all part of growing up but I find it really hard.
sorry, no advice but solidarity!

Just throwing this out there could she have had her drink spiked.? After I was drugged i physically couldn’t drink alcohol 9 years later I still can’t. She might not be drinking excessively. It may be her body’s reaction to alcohol. Especially if she isn’t diluting the vodka with coke or red bull. Don’t hit the roof. It won’t achieve anything.

Its a tough one but all part of growing up (most of us have been there as kids). My son is 15 and we host a lot of house parties, mostly so I can keep an eye on him and know he's safe but he does occasionally go to other people houses. From what I have seen, everyone brings their own alcohol (I never provide any) and they generally stick to drinking what they've brought (they don't share). I provide my son with his drink and he knows that is his limit. I think trying to stop it or coming down hard on them just makes them rebel. I have a really good relationship with my son and he's very open about most things. I also tell him that if he's ever anywhere and is sick that he can call me to collect him and he wont be in trouble, he friends also know this as well. Fortunately he hasn't needed to do this yet. There are some kids that come over whos parents don't allow them to drink and honestly, they're normally the worst for getting too drunk!

All normal