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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

My 15 year old son hates me

11 replies

ThuMuClu · 17/02/2023 17:33

He has been hostile and negative since a young age and now it’s at a peak. Smokes weed. Steals alcohol. Demands money and abuses me verbally when he doesn’t get it. Threatens to leave home. Refuses to go to school. Tells me he will self harm and it will be my fault. Horrible to his siblings, who won’t speak to him. Horrible to other family members. Refuses counselling, mental health support, family activities, one on one activities, everything. Literally can’t imagine how I’m going to get through the next few years and beyond.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 17/02/2023 17:39

When he threatens to leave home, tell him you'll help him pack his bags.

Original poster
ThuMuClu · 17/02/2023 18:08

I’ve had to bite my tongue because that’s what comes to mind but the problem is anything I ever say like that he repeatedly brings it up / tells teachers etc. it’s exhausting

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 18:13

what is he like when he goes to school?
are the school aware of your situtation?
can you get social services involved? is he a danger to siblimgs?
is the other parent involved?

Ihatethenewlook · 17/02/2023 18:17

Is there a family member he could go and stay with short term op? It’s always easier to rebel and treat a parent like shit than a respected relative.

Seabreezeme · 17/02/2023 18:50

He doesn't hate you sweet. He's a teenager. Honestly I have no idea how mine dealt with me. I often cry to mine saying I'm sorry I never meant it & I love them I work for a a child psychologist & she told me between the ages of 14 & 16 their brain is like they have actually been in a car crash if you put then through a scan. They revert back to children just in an teen body. I promise you it will pass & I promise you he will be your son again. Teenage years is just hoping & preying for the best xx

Original poster
ThuMuClu · 17/02/2023 19:35

thank you. I want to feel hopeful but it seems so awful. There’s no one he can go and stay with - he’s really hostile to everyone in the family, the only person he’s always good with is my brother who is currently living overseas. His dad is around but useless really - he doesn’t deal with the day to day and if DS is being difficult he just doesn’t respond to calls or messages. Social services have been involved but there’s really nothing practical that can be done it seems.

OP posts:
antipodeancanary · 17/02/2023 20:16

Dillydollydingdong · 17/02/2023 17:39

When he threatens to leave home, tell him you'll help him pack his bags.

This is not helpful. Some of you might be imagining he will back down. But if he is anything like my boy (and he sounds exactly the bloody same) he will leave. My boy went missing often and not just for a day or two but for many weeks many times.
We took the decision that whatever he did he was better off doing it from home, fortunately he was an only one, so he wasn't affecting siblings.
He was absolutely horrendous. But now at 28 he isn't horrendous anymore. He has one police caution only. Has a good job, a degree and a mortgage. His girlfriend is a police officer!
If you can keep hold of him op, he might yet be okay. I however am not okay and have PTSD, but I am happy to have that in trade for the life he might have led.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 17/02/2023 20:21

Ring your local council for the Early Intervention Team. Helped get my absolutely frankly fucking awful dd back to school. And back to her old lovely self. They aren't social services but have been very helpful. Dd had been self harming (and had stolen money from me) but agreed to limited cahms involvement only.
In a stern tone remind your ds he is talking to you not one of his mates and make sure it is you that walks away from him at that point...

Seabreezeme · 17/02/2023 20:51

With me (I'm a woman so slightly different but a fire inside of me none the less) I I wanted help from I'm not sure what. There was a hurricane inside my head for valid reasons but I just needed it to stop. I needed people to be on my side, not just having a go at me. Always in trouble for this always in trouble for that. It was fairly normal stuff for teenagers anyway. Drinking smoking etc. I probably needed someone to comfort me, sit in my room with me watch something on TV I liked spend time with me, make me laugh. I would have opened up & not closed down. I would have thought more about the choices I was making. I think teenagers find the argument in whatever it is your saying to the point it doesn't make sense & the parent has no idea where or how it escalated. They need to figure it out for them selves. I recently put a post about being a friend to my teen daughter and I had comments coming back about how it was wrong to be a friend. I think teens - my own teenage experience I needed my parents to be a friend to me.
I'm not implying your not already doing that. Just a little insight from a co- mixed up teenager I once was. Still am to an extent lol

IrritableCowSyndrome · 21/02/2023 19:06

ThuMuClu · 17/02/2023 18:08

I’ve had to bite my tongue because that’s what comes to mind but the problem is anything I ever say like that he repeatedly brings it up / tells teachers etc. it’s exhausting

Then go into school snd tell them in advance what you are going to say!

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 21/02/2023 19:09

Where does he get the money for weed? Where does he get it from? His behaviour is probably linked to the use of weed. I'd be talking to the school, the police, Social Services, and I'd stop giving him money, no matter how much fuss he makes (and if he really became abusive, I'd ring the police)

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