Name changed for this, but long time Mumsnet user- Pom bears, penis beaker etc.
Teen DD has announced she wants to go and live with her dad. Things haven't been great, she has been school refusing due to anxiety and is on a waiting list for another local school. She's now decided this isn't a clean enough break and she wants a new school in a different area so she wants to move in with her dad who lives 40 miles away. I'm gutted. I've done everything in my power to support her, got her counselling and a reduced timetable, applied for other schools and got her on a waiting list.
ExH doesn't actually do anything with her, 75% of the time she's there at weekends she is actually with his new partner rather than him. He was emotionally and physically abusive to me, is a functioning alcoholic and in the past I've had to pick her up from contact as her was yelling at her and pushing her around. I'd rather she had no contact with him due to his behaviour, but whenever this happens she stops for a bit and then feels guilty and goes back to seeing him. He won't even acknowledge her anxiety (she should just calm down apparently 🙄), doesn't have her best interests at heart- it's all a competition to him (buying her love, let's her do whatever she wants etc) and honestly I'm scared for her safety and mental health if she's with him.
Her wish to live with him centres on this desire to change schools/areas to somewhere where no one knows her, and I get that desire. If I could just drop everything and move she wouldn't want to move in with him but I can't. I'd have to sell the house, which takes time. I can't afford the area she wants to live in and I've just this week started a new job which I love after spending the worst year of my life in an awful job. The commute from this area she wants to live, even if I could afford it, would be a killer.
I'm so heartbroken on a personal level. But also while I understand her wish to move to a new area. I know this will be a terrible decision and she won't just be able to move back when it all goes wrong, as she's in year 10 so two school moves before GCSE isn't going to be viable. If I try to explain any of this to her (without bad mouthing her dad obviously) she just shouts at me that she's doing it and I can't stop her. Her dad doesn't even bother replying to my texts when I've tried to keep him updated with her mental health/school issues so I won't get anywhere with him.