My 14 year old son makes me regret becoming a parent.

[User3billion]

Honestly, he's just so bloody awful all of the time.
He speaks to me like dirt and I've had enough.
If someone said they'd take him off me tomorrow I can't say I'd put up a fight.
He's just so lazy, inconsiderate and completely obnoxious.
He just did half the recycling and then said "I can't be arsed" when I asked about the otjer half because I suggested (tongue in cheek) that when he comes out of his pit he might consider asking how my day was rather than asking when/what he's being fed.
The recycling is actually his only specific job besides general keeping yown room tidy/bringing own laundry down, and he NEVER does it without being asked.

Is he depressed? Are you? :-/

Hang on in there OP, he will come out the other side. It’s a bloody awful age. My advice is try not to give up on your relationship with him, try to connect and remind yourself and him of how much he is loved. Don’t keep telling yourself, or him, that he’s a bad person. Yes he’s getting things wrong, but that doesn’t mean he always will.
Model the behaviour you want to see. Keep repeating your values and house rules . Give consequences if he’s rude or disrespectful. Speak to him politely and respectfully.

And find time for yourself, do you have any hobbies?

What other chores does he do? Just recycling then, he’s got the easy life.

My dds 11 and 13, bring down their washing, the eldest can sometimes be known to actually put it on. If I tell them the laundry needs hanging, they’ll either put it on the airier or hang it outside.
Dd1 helps with a Sunday roast, dd2 will help by making her own dinner one night when she’s at a club. Dd1 will make her own that night too.
If I ask them to do the washing up they work out who washed up last time, who dried.

If your ds goes into the world of work at possibly 16, is he going to tell his boss he can’t be arsed?

Catch him when he is being good and praise him.

Medal and a mission, "thanks you did a great job on x, I m proud of you! Can you also please do y as soon as is convenient. Thank you, love you! "

The recycling is actually his only specific job besides general keeping yown room tidy/bringing own laundry down, and he NEVER does it without being asked.

Why? DD does a lot more than that and she's younger. I think it's easier to hold the line when you have negotiating room. If they have one job, there's no wiggle room.

He's getting TLC at the moment. Washing, cooking, cleaning all done for him. He needs to learn the realities of life.

That is not really TLC, and I disagree that this is typical teenage behaviour- it really isnt

I'd say it is teenage behaviour. I have a 14 DD and she is the same. She's often lazy, rude and inconsiderate. In fact today, I sent her a (small) list of chores to do while she was at home alone. She didn't do one.

When I came in, I gave her the whole thing about her not being a lodger, etc etc. she just looked so down and fed up, I realised she was probably having a shitty day (for whatever reason) and I'd be better off trying to step in.

So I made her join me in preparing dinner. We put some music on and had a nice chat (while she then emptied the dishwasher). After dinner her mood was so much improved. We sat and did some crafts together for half an hour.

It's the most time we've spent together in weeks. But it took me taking the higher ground and choosing how to react. It changed the outcome for the whole evening.

I feel you OP. Teenagers are tough going. It takes all of my strength not to scream some days.

I came on here looking for exactly the same advice. My once wonderful boy (now 13) is full of negativity, rude, sweary, only wants to game all the time and is so entitled. Anyway, it’s good to hear they come through the other side. I think others might be right when they say model who you want them to be. But it’s going to be hard!!

Do you think it would help if he was given more tasks to do but that you do them together? He seems to be doing very little for his age, and I wonder if he had some daily tasks it would help him to be in better habits. Not saying that's easy, but it sounds as if he's just used to doing nothing, so then makes a fuss the occasional time he is asked to do something. (We have our issues here too, so I'm not being smug, but I've got two teens and with some chivvying they unload and unload the dishwasher twice a day, wipe over the kitchen worksurfaces and bathroom sinks, vacuum once a week, feed and clean out pets every day, hang the washing out and fold towels. So it's not loads, but enough for it to feel like they're genuinely carrying some of the load as part of the family).

The other thought is are you having a times with him where you really have a laugh or do something that he enjoys. Something to reconnect?

You will get through through! Sorry it's so tough and feels like such a battle.

The other thought is are you having a times with him where you really have a laugh or do something that he enjoys. Something to reconnect?

That's a really important point. I have many moments of exasperation with my teens. However, I spend a lot of time driving them to their sports / standing at the side of a pitch & chatting afterwards & it creates an opportunity to connect. Before I go back to pulling my hair out

Thanks for all the input, it's definitely given me food for thought.

It's not just me & him - there's DH & 2 younger DD.

Someone asked about depression/isolation - I wouldn't say either of us are. He has a really good friendship group via school/after school activities.

We probably don't spend enough time just the two of us but he does get 1:1 time with dad. Our youngest has SEN so sometimes things are tough.

@User3billion

We probably don't spend enough time just the two of us but he does get 1:1 time with dad. Our youngest has SEN so sometimes things are tough.

I wonder if he finds it difficult at times & maybe you need to factor in spending time 1-1 with him? Tricky I know but you do need to reconnect with him somehow.