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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Would you want to know?

6 replies

adamsaboutnothing · 07/02/2023 12:59

Name changed for this as I have posted about my DDs story so don't want to be outing.

In short, my daughter was viciously assaulted by two girls last November which resulted in her being hospitalised with severe facial injuries. She couldn't return to school for 3 weeks due to how bad she looked, and when she did return the two girls who had done this had not been permanently excluded. Their reasons for this - 1) it was JUST outside school grounds when it happened (all were in uniform) and 2) apparently it's difficult to exclude a pupil, 3) it was easier if my daughter left as she didn't have any negative behaviour points or exclusions.

So ultimately, we were pushed to leave as DD didn't want to be around these girls. Roll on now and the two girls have just been found guilty of assault. One of section 18, one of Section 47. The punishment varies between the two, but ultimately both are going about their lives and remain in the school. This bothers me. I feel parents should know they were found guilty of a crime. I know you can't name them, but as the judge described them as unpredictable in his sentencing....my question is...

Would you want to know if your child went to school with children who had been convicted of a serious assault? I'm not sure where to go with it? I've considered saying something on the parents page, I've considered saying nothing at all. We're not in the school anymore but it does aggravate me that they are still there. Maybe I'm over thinking it. These children are 14. Thoughts appreciated as to whether I should just let it go.

OP posts:
Notjusta · 07/02/2023 13:02

I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter and I am shocked the girls were not excluded.

Two thoughts from me. Firstly, could you be breaking the law by naming them? If so what could the consequences be? Secondly, where I live (small town) lots of people would know who those children were already.

BlueWhiteHat · 07/02/2023 13:04

So sorry this happened to your daughter and the school asked her to leave! I would want to know.
I guess if it’s a small town let enough of your friends know the outcome of the court case and most people will find out

adamsaboutnothing · 07/02/2023 13:05

@Notjusta yes absolutely, I couldn't name them due to the legalities. If I posted on the parents page then you're right, people would know who I was talking about. But people do know anyway as lots of parents messaged in the aftermath saying how shocked/concerned they were. What no one knows about is the outcome, that court was last week, what the implications now are etc. I don't even know if people are aware the police were involved as other than to family, we've not discussed it openly.

OP posts:
Notjusta · 07/02/2023 13:20

adamsaboutnothing · 07/02/2023 13:05

@Notjusta yes absolutely, I couldn't name them due to the legalities. If I posted on the parents page then you're right, people would know who I was talking about. But people do know anyway as lots of parents messaged in the aftermath saying how shocked/concerned they were. What no one knows about is the outcome, that court was last week, what the implications now are etc. I don't even know if people are aware the police were involved as other than to family, we've not discussed it openly.

Ah I understand, sorry, I thought you meant 'name and shame' rather than sharing the outcome.

I think I would be comfortable telling people I knew what the outcome was. Again, round here, news would spread. I wouldn't post it publicly though.

I can totally see why you're pissed off that they are essentially free to carry on their lives, as I am sure your daughter has lasting scars - maybe both physically and mentally. But on the other hand they have been through the justice system and found guilty. Rightly or wrongly, the courts have decided on the punishment (or lack of).

adamsaboutnothing · 07/02/2023 13:24

@Notjusta thank you, I think that's what I needed to hear. I couldn't possibly name and shame, not just for the legalities but ultimately because they are children too. And tbh, we never believed it would reach court, a stern telling off was expected at most.

Part of me thinks I'm just sooo pissed off that they got to stay at the school my daughter loved, and she had to leave. Perhaps I just need to accept that part, and accept they've been punished, and start to move on.

OP posts:
Notjusta · 07/02/2023 13:29

God I totally get where you're coming from. My DS is the same age and if he had to leave his school because of something like this I'd be raging. I think the school have been really unfair to your DD.

I hope that at the very least them going to court and being found guilty is some kind of consequence for them (but maybe I'm being optimistic).

I hope your DD is ok.

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