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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found vape/elfbar in DD 16 room

16 replies

teamonster34 · 04/02/2023 12:15

My DD is 16 and I have just found a elfbar vape in her room hidden in her underwear draw. She is a very well behaved girl and rarely goes out with friends but I know her friends do vape. She literally only goes to sixth form and back and works on a Saturday so I am presuming she vapes after school when she is with her friends, Would you say anything or just leave it?? She is usually at home, school or at work so I know it can't be a regular thing.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 12:17

If it was hidden, how did you find it ? Will she accuse you of snooping, or does she know you go in there ?

LadyWithLapdog · 04/02/2023 12:21

I found one in my DD’s room. I didn’t snoop, it was under her pillow (I was taking the bedding off for a wash). I asked her, usual teenager BS. I hope she’s not using it anymore, I don’t know what more I can do. V disappointed.

Original poster
teamonster34 · 04/02/2023 12:23

She knows I sometimes borrow her sports socks and I needed a pair for my run so I got some from her draw which I often do and it was there in the corner.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 12:26

Ok. So she won’t go off on one due to snooping. I’d educate myself on the side effects of vaping and have an adult conversation, also put in about not having to be like everyone else to be included.
Arm her with the facts and let her decide. And I wouldn’t be giving her pocket money to buy it.

SomePosters · 04/02/2023 12:34

I would stop going in your 16yos underwear drawer

you say you think it’s fine as she knows you borrow socks but did you actually get consent for that?

seems not if she’s hiding things in there

Original poster
teamonster34 · 04/02/2023 12:38

She has a weekend job so she says her own money and as she doesn't really go out much she has quite a bit of money so she can afford them I suppose. She suffers from anxiety and is a hard worker and doesn't have many friends from school because she doesn't like going out but lately she has spoken about a new friend who my son has just told me is the girl that everyone loves and wants to be and she is never without a vape in hand on any of her insta pictures!!!

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 04/02/2023 12:42

I would absolutely leave it. She’s doing it secretly; she knows you won’t approve. any intervention from you is unlikely to stop her; it will only make her more secretive. and frankly it’s not the worst thing in the world is it?

Hellocatshome · 04/02/2023 12:47

My 15 year old DS vapes. We had a discussion around the dangers and how we would rather he didn't. We asked that if he was going to vape he allowed us to buy for him (with his money) nicotine free vapes from an actual shop rather than him buying ones with God knows what in from his friends older brother.

FanSpamTastic · 04/02/2023 13:02

I discovered one in my daughters room too. I asked her about it - she told me that they are handed out for free at some of the festivals - I guess as a way of hooking them in.

fastandthecurious1 · 04/02/2023 14:04

Me too! Nipped into SD16s room and said ohhh it's cold in here I went to shut the window and she dove on the bed and grabbed something... a vape. I said I was not overly happy and she needs to stop she swears it's only very occasionally but who knows. She has her part time job and I'm sure all her friends are vaping also. Hoping it's a phase!

lookeelikee · 04/02/2023 14:15

It's also ILLEGAL

I've had the police involved in the shop I found out was supplying teens and attend the school where year 10's have been responsible for supplying.

Hellocatshome · 04/02/2023 14:39

lookeelikee · 04/02/2023 14:15

It's also ILLEGAL

I've had the police involved in the shop I found out was supplying teens and attend the school where year 10's have been responsible for supplying.

Lots of things are illegal it doesn't mean they don't happen, underage drinking, smoking, sex etc. Its better to have an open and honest relationship with teens and come to a compromise than have them doing all these things secretly and not be able to come to you if they get themselves in difficult situations.

lookeelikee · 04/02/2023 15:51

You cannot have an open and honest relationship with your teen currently if they are hiding the fact they are vaping illegally.
So are you compromising or tolerating??

If you have honest teens wouldn't they have discussed this with you before sneaking around and hiding this from you.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 04/02/2023 16:02

Dd2 15 vapes. We’ve discussed it, she knows the dangers and doesn’t do it all the time.

They’re all at it tbh and it’s one of those battles that I can’t be bothered to fight, I just feel it’s not worth causing a big rift over. It’s like smoking when I was a teen. We all did it, but most of us had stopped by our early 20s. I’m sure it’ll be the same with all these vaping teens.

Hellocatshome · 04/02/2023 16:27

lookeelikee · 04/02/2023 15:51

You cannot have an open and honest relationship with your teen currently if they are hiding the fact they are vaping illegally.
So are you compromising or tolerating??

If you have honest teens wouldn't they have discussed this with you before sneaking around and hiding this from you.

I am not the OP my son didn't hide the fact he vapes he told me he vaped so we discussed it.

Original poster
teamonster34 · 04/02/2023 18:04

Thanks for all your replies. I am not going to say anything as it can't be often she does it as I said previously she rarely goes out. Can only really be after school and I bet she does it to fit in with all the other teens - she struggles to fit in due to her anxiety so maybe vaping makes her feel a bit more like she fits in. There is so much worse she could be doing and she is 16 not 12.

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