Am I being undermined here?

[Itwasgoodwhileitlasted]

DS15 had to be collected from school today. He's had bad behaviour problems and today threw a pencil at a teacher - which he denies. He says he was throwing it at a friend and everyone does it etc. I obviously don't believe a word of this.

The head teacher has asked for a meeting on Monday. I've to DS I'm going to send him to another school if he doesn't buck up his ideas (a stricter school).

DH has taken away his phone and xbox.

About 4.15pm I told him he wasn't allowed out tonight too.

10 minutes later he ran out the door and ran down the street.

I've been driving around for an hour looking for him, phoned his friend nothing. I've swapped now with DH who found him at the gym.

Because he was with his mates, DH said he can stay and walk home??

I feel rather undermined at this. Plus angry at DS, as well as relieved he isn't getting pissed in a park somewhere. Arghhhh.

How do I handle this? Any advice to get me through!

Bumping.

I know it's not a fun Friday night discussion, but could use some perspective

You are both his parents.sounds like your DH took the decision to not embarrass your son in front of his friends. I would ask your DH his reasoning.

Dh thinks its good for him to burn off steam. But he literally ran out of the house to do it.

I'm trying not to argue with DH over it too. He doesn't want to drive DS away, but with his behaviour in school I think we need less listening and more discipline.

Absolutely dreading Monday already

WTF no this is massively undermining. There's a whole spectrum of reactions and ways of communicating with your DS between "get home now you're grounded" and "do what you want with your mates and bugger what your mum said." Your DH has undermined you IMO.

As a dm on to her 10th teenager grounding them is a punishment best kept for emergencies....
More appropriate ones ime are
Chores.
WiFi password changes.
More chores..

Schools never use the word punishment but instead refer to behaviour management. Your son's behaviour is giving cause for concern. Getting him to discuss what happened and how he thinks he should put things right is the best approach. Your goal should be focused on helping your son to deal with improving his behaviour not about your feelings. If you make him move schools , he may become isolated and resent you. Far better to keep a dialogue open and think about strategies that he can work with so that he adopts a more positive approach to school.

I'm really torn between am I not being strict enough or am I being too strict?

He has only just turned 15. I'm worried he I going to get expelled. One of his teachers wiped the floor with me at a recent parents evening.

Another problem is DS thinks he has done nothing wrong. I mean, how?

As parent of an energetic boy ive always avoided punishments that remove physical activity.

far better he is at the gym than gaming indoors. Better he gets exercise after a dull sedentary school day ?