Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Under what circumstances would you,

15 replies

hungrypanda · 07/02/2008 12:07

kick, swear at or break your child's bones?

I come from a very abusive family and my mother insists that telling me to fuck off, calling me a bitch, etc was not wrong.

I would like t know if any of you have ever done these things to your teenagers or young adult children.

I would also like to know, if your children were in their late 20s and asked you to leave them alone, would you do so or would you continue to insist that they talk to you?

OP posts:

JodieG1 · 07/02/2008 12:10

Your mother is wrong, very wrong. It is not normal at all in any way shape or form. You poor thing I had an abusive upbringing too so I know how easy it is to doubt yourself and wonder if it is actually ok. It's not ok.

(hugs)

Wisteria · 07/02/2008 12:11

that all sounds rather shit hungry.

I have never kicked or broken any bones of my teenage daughter but I do admit to swearing at her once - I think I called her a selfish 'lady dog' - it was in the heat of the moment and profusely apologised for afterwards, I am not proud of it and I've never done it again.

I was very very angry - not that that is a good excuse mind.

I'm not sure about leaving children 'alone' in their 20s - I suppose it would depend on the circumstances.

themoon66 · 07/02/2008 12:16

Not acceptable behaviour IMO. I have raised my voice on occasion, but never said 'fuck' to them ever. Neither have they said that word to me... even in the heat of a row.

I once called DD a selfish bitch though. At the end of a holiday where she had been vile and all 'me me me', culminating in a scene over a bottle of coke in the airport. She was 17 at the time.

Original poster

hungrypanda · 07/02/2008 12:21

She was talking to my friends at the time and making them feel sorry for her. Every time I made a new friend, I lost them due to her stories. She is a very abusive person. I have been trying to break contact for several years with no luck.

she tells everyone she doesn't know why I don't like her.

OP posts:

Wisteria · 07/02/2008 12:23

glad I'm not the only one

fryalot · 07/02/2008 12:25

HP - under no circumstances at all is it acceptable for anybody to kick, swear at or break the bones of anyone let alone a person who is supposed to protect a child from harm.

Your mother was totally out of order and you should know that her telling you fuck off, calling you a bitch, etc. was VERY VERY VERY wrong.

I suspect you may benefit from some professional counselling. This behaviour is absolutely not ok. It is also not your fault. Whatever your dingbat mother says. She is in the wrong, not you.

Good luck for the future.

Wisteria · 07/02/2008 12:25

hungry - all you could do is to break all contact with her, move, change your numbers.

Or, write her a letter explaining that you are never going to see her again unless she faces up to the truth of the situation, admits her behaviour was unacceptable and damaging to you, then apologises unconditionally.

Original poster

hungrypanda · 07/02/2008 12:26

that was in my late 20s btw. She has been talking to my colleagues recently and its causing a lot of problems.

OP posts:

Original poster

hungrypanda · 07/02/2008 12:29

Wisteria, she won't admit that she's done wrong. She pretends to not know hat she did to hurt me.

I have recently started counseling, but am still very upset. I changed my name for this, btw.

OP posts:

Wisteria · 07/02/2008 14:09

Am not surprised you're still upset - I would imagine that you may mend but never heal completely IYKWIM.

Hopefully the counselling will allow you to reach some kind of resolution of your own but I wouldn't blame you for never forgiving her unless she can admit and apologise. Parenting is hard work and we all make mistakes but IMO the worst a parent can do is to refuse acceptance of their faults and make amends where necessary.

All the very best with your counselling. I hope if your Mum doesn't come round then at least you will be able to move away from her emotionally if not physically as well.

jesuswhatnext · 07/02/2008 15:23

sweetheart - it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not normal

most mums have 'off days' when we do things we are not proud of.

what you describe is WAAAAAY beyond an 'off day'

Original poster

hungrypanda · 07/02/2008 16:33

I was talking about this on another thread and someone suggested that she was mentally ill.

I also mentioned a few comments that she has said in the past, all of which were horribe and demeaning.

She was physically and emotionally abusive, yet to everyone she acts like she's innocent and I get called a horrible person. She has been interfereing with my business, talking to my colleagues and saying I don't want to talk to her or see her.

After repeatedly asking her to leave me alone, I changed my email so she wouldn't be able to contact me. She contacted a colleague and told her I wasn't speaking to her and my colleague told me I was unprofessional and that I shouldn't treat my mother like that. I don't know what to do as she pretends she isn't doing anything and she says that what she did to me as a teengar was "normal".

OP posts:

ALMummy · 07/02/2008 16:50

Have a look in Relationships. There is a thread in there for the children of abusive parents. Some really helpful stuff. It really helps to know you are not alone. here

mumeeee · 07/02/2008 23:27

That is not acceptable behavior. My teens drive me mad sometimes and I do shout. But I would never swearat them,call them names or physically hurt them in anyway.

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/03/2008 17:47

Tell your colleague that interfering in your personal business is also "unprofessional" and if you had wanted her advice, you would have asked for it.

Cheeky mare.

Flip