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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15 yr old DD wants contraception

19 replies

CleaningOutMyCloset · 31/01/2023 11:53

My DD is generally a good kid, doing well in school and has a good group of friends. We're pretty close and she tells me what's going on in her life (I'm sure some is filtered), she told me when she had her first kiss, and has kissed 4 boys to date. She's not seeing anyone at the moment, but is talking to, and interested in a boy in the year above her in school.

We've had conversations about contraception and sex. My mum was very closed off and didn't talk to me about these types of things, so I really made the effort to ensure she could talk to me about anything.

Shes asked me today if she can go on the pill, her reasoning is 'just in case' and because her periods are heavy. I'm a firm believer in prevention is better than cure and I've always said i'd much rather she came to me and asked to go on the pill than tell me she has an unwanted pregnancy.

I was a nightmare teen, and went on the pill at 15 too, I also lost my virginity at 15, so I'm under no illusion that it's probably on the horizon for her (if it's not happened already).

I just feel really unsettled, she still seems so young, how do I navigate this, if she wants to go on the pill I'd much rather she did it with my help, and she's being sensible. I'll talk to her about std and using condoms too. Are there any books or websites we could look at?

OP posts:

TheProblemIsMe · 31/01/2023 12:13

Firstly, well done Mum for creating this environment where she feels safe and open enough to talk to you about this stuff. And secondly well done to your daughter for being open and honest.

My first thought was "it's her body" and she'll spend her life making decisions about it.

However, what I would say is that the pill can really mess around with your hormones, and changes made by the pill can definitely be felt for a number of years afterwards. She isn't fully developed yet and I would just be concerned about the level of hormones she was exposing herself to. Although I can appreciate it really works for some women and some women have no side effects or long term changes with it.

I would make her an appointment with a gynecologist or her GP first, take her but don't go in with her unless she asks. There a few different pill/contraceptive options so she really needs to be fully informed. The NHS website is a good start, have a look for sexual health centres/clinics too.

I think what you might need to do though is establish what is more important to her, making the period better or stopping pregnancy, because if this "just in case" part of the conversation was code for "boys keep asking to have sex without a condom" I would be concerned. You need to talk to her about HPV (I appreciate that she, unlike our generation, will be vaccinated), smear tests and STDs. I would absolutely reiterate the need for condoms as well, I'd buy her some too.

She is young, but I say this as a former nightmare teen myself, this isn't out of the ordinary. Good luck!

Cuppasoupmonster · 31/01/2023 12:15

Put her on it. Or preferably the implant which is much better for a number of reasons - you can’t forget to take it, it usually stops periods etc.

Then keep her busy and out of harms way until her 16th birthday.

BooksAndHooks · 31/01/2023 12:19

Is there a family planning clinic session for young people? That would be my first port of call. They usually have them specifically aimed at under 25s at certain times. They can discuss with her the pros and cons and all the available options.

Beamur · 31/01/2023 12:23

I think it's safe enough at her age, but would certainly talk through the options with her too.
Perhaps instead of just in case, another approach would be to wait until she's dating and seriously considering this happening. I'd be slightly wary of contraception being a green light to a more casual first time - which I wouldn't judge her for, but that might be less good experience for her than in a relationship with someone she trusts.

Original poster

CleaningOutMyCloset · 31/01/2023 12:33

Thank you all for replying, such a mine field. I'll have another good chat with her over the next few days

OP posts:

Twizbe · 31/01/2023 12:39

There's a great book called the period repair manual. It has some great information on early hormone health, heavy periods and teenagers on the pill.

That said, if the issue isn't her periods and that she is considering having sex, the conversation can move onto STDs and respect. I remember it being drilled into me as a teenager that a boy who respects you will use a condom every single time. In my experience (and I enjoyed uni lol) that was very true.

2bazookas · 31/01/2023 13:24

I'd say "Its good to discuss it, but as an adult woman I recommend that during your teen age development years, keep your body as natural as possible as LONG as possible. So from my POV, starting the pill while still a virgin is putting the cart before the horse.
Remember, the pill only has one function, contraception. Staying healthy is just as important. So right from the very first time, you should ALWAYS insist that every lover uses a condom every single time. To make sure that happens, I want you to always carry a condom in your handbag. We'll keep a stash in your knicker drawer. Then WHEN you start having intercourse, is the right time to start pills and medication and I'll be right with you".

     In the one hand, you're giving her autonomy.  But with a protective limit.

CurlyGirlMumma · 31/01/2023 13:54

You've got a lovely honest trusting relationship. Take her to the gp & discuss the options. If you deny her this, it could damage the good work you've done. (Not that I think you would deny her).

Also lots of other options for contraception (coil, injection, implant). All have different proc cons & hormone levels.

Lcb123 · 31/01/2023 13:57

It sounds like you have a great relationship- I wish my mum had been like this! I’d accompany her to the Gp or sexual health clinic to discuss all the options. I would be encouraging her using a contraceptive in addition to condoms. And discussing consent and respect.

Andi2020 · 01/02/2023 23:18

Support what she wants, read up about different options
My dd got implant at 16 to help with period but it made them worse, she now has a pill to take along side it due to get implant changed in July this year and confused about getting it back in or just the pill.

Original poster

CleaningOutMyCloset · 02/02/2023 08:22

Thanks for the advice, you've all made me feel better about this and not so alone.

I've sent her some websites to look at on different contraception options and said we'll have a chat next week. I think you're right, I'll find out the 'why' and then if she still wants to go ahead I'll take her to the gp, and she can decide if she wants me to go into the consultation with her. Hopefully her gp will explain any risks.

I don't want this to be a green light for her to have sex, or even bring it forward, but equally, I want her to be prepared for it. I think buying her some condoms too is a great idea, so at least they are there if she needs them. I also like a pp's comment about drilling into her that if a boy won't wear a condom, he doesn't respect her enough, so she shouldn't be having sex with him.

I just want to find the words to explain that it's her body, and she needs to respect it, and respect herself enough to be able to say no, peer pressure can be awful and I know of at least 2 girls in her year who are, or have been pregnant. It seems so unfair they have to go through all this and exams.
She still seems so young in some respects - I'm sure I did too but as teenagers we all know better

She's at her Dads this week (we've been divorced years and have 50-50 contact), the next question is do I, or when do I tell him (that'll be fun), again I think it'll be her choice as to if I tell him or not. He's not abusive, and we have an amicable relationship, but can be a bit stuffy about things and a dinosaur in his outlook on some things.

OP posts:

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 02/02/2023 18:46

My almost 15 year old asked to go on the pill about a month ago. Iike you I felt that she was really young, but she’s been with her boyfriend for 6 months now and I thought better safe than sorry.

managed to get a gp appointment (that’s a feat in itself these days!) and they discussed it all with her and gave her the pill. I’m glad she was able to talk to me about it. I’d let your dd go on it if she feels that’s what she wants.

Remmy123 · 03/02/2023 07:46

No - I would have a chat about being in a meaningful relationship first - there should be no 'just in case' unless she in tends to sleep with any old one.

Tescoland · 03/02/2023 07:59

Very young girls being on the pill is normalised nowadays.
If she doesn’t have a steady boyfriend with a regular sex-life, then it’s just unnecessary. It has an elevated risk of breast cancer, and there’s a correlation between taking the pill and an elevated risk of having children on the spectrum.
Oh, and it doesn’t guard against venereal diseases and HPV.

TeenDivided · 03/02/2023 08:43

The pill has been great for my DDs in making heavy periods manageable. The great thing being they can time the breaks to fit in with exams, holidays etc.

Soubriquet · 03/02/2023 08:45

I would rather she have it and not need it, then need it and not have it

MountedbyHarryWindsor · 03/02/2023 08:53

My DD is 14. She went on the pill 3 months ago, also 'just in case'. Has been with her BF (15) for 6 months. Obviously not too happy about her age but would be more unhappy if she wasn't protected. She's since confirmed it has happened. They are good kids and being sensible, also using condoms so make sure your DD also knows about condoms. Ensure the pill packets are kept in the bathroom and you are able to check every day she's taken them. Explain consent and coercion to her and be prepared for a not-very-happy DH if he finds out!

MountedbyHarryWindsor · 03/02/2023 08:55

Tescoland · 03/02/2023 07:59

well aren't you a ray of sunshine? How many millions of women take the pill and of these women, what percentage has these things happened to? Everything carries risks.

Follycastle · 03/02/2023 08:57

If you have a local sexual health clinic take her there rather than GP. They are the experts about contraception and will have more time to talk through options, provide STD info etc.

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