Just found out DD is having panic attacks

[itchychin]

Feel awful. Am lone parent, DD 15 at her Dad’s and I was cleaning her room. She’s started a jar which she puts in something she’s grateful for everyday and I was being nosy so had a look at what she’d written. Two of them mentioned panic attacks in a particular lesson and people helping her.

These incidents were this week and the previous week. I’m gutted she’s not told me. She was anxious during the pandemic but I got advice so I suspect she doesn’t want me all over it trying to fix it.

I think I may have contributed to this anxiety around this subject as she’s very good at it so I often joke if she’s not getting full marks (and her new teacher is appallingly so she might be panicking when thinks are explained badly).

She has a group of caring friends who seem to support each other with stuff like this really well but I need to talk to her don’t I?

I’m really ashamed I’ve broken her privacy by looking at the notes - she has never said I can’t, but I shouldn’t have anyway.

Any advice on how to approach it? I’m thinking saying we both always need to. E honest and fess up about reading her notes and asking her to be truthful with me, find out how long they’ve been going on, how they effect her, let her know they are normal (a fair few people at my small work experience them) and say I really don’t care about her academic performance at the cost of her happiness.

I feel like I’m overreacting in my head. I guess I thought she’d be more open with me.☹️

you have no right to ask her to be truthful with you after you've read her notes, she sounds like she hasn't come to you for a reason and that she's got a good support system with her friends, i'm curious as to why you think she thinks you'll try to 'fix' it have you got history of trying to overrule her problems, what happened in quarantine?

She was being v fussy re food as worried it would make her sick. I got advice from a therapist via a charity helpline and she recommended a book about worrying which advocated having a chat each day about worries rather than worrying all day and bottling it up. We did it for a few weeks but I don’t think she enjoyed it but the problem got better. So nothing too much, I just expect she’d rather not have me asking every day how she’s been and try and start looking up how I can help.

Can I ask what is the book recommended called? My daughter has anxiety too and I'm looking at ways to help her.

I’d be speaking to the school - and frankly I’d be a bit cross that they haven’t told you she’s having panic attacks at school! Take it from there.

I really wouldn’t admit that you’ve read her notes, that’s a massive break in trust. She really doesn’t need that now.
Just don’t do it again.
And don’t use the word ‘panic’ , think of a different word to use that’s in context.
When one of mine was having these, it was due to a short dalliance into weed, we found Rescue Remedy helpful ( even if it was a placebo) and taking walks with us. We also got school involved and they were amazing.

You can’t admit you read her jar.

Open up some conversations about mental health in general. Or make up a friend whose child is suffering from stress and panic attacks and open up a conversation that way. If she doesn’t tell you about them then you just have to give her options, still without admitting you know.

Hi.

Our Daughter started with these and after much anxiety for all of us and trying to help her, we discovered about 6 months later there was a reason and something had been happening to her, I can't go into it here but my point is there could be a reason something she isn't telling you, that was the answer in our case.

I wish you luck, panic attacks are awful whether it be a child or adult just awful the human body can do such a thing to itself,

I think it is unlikely she has been having panic attacks in class. A panic attack is very visible and she would need much more help than a few friends reassuring her. Her version of a panic attack is not likely to be the sane as yours.

You'd be hard pushed to find a teenager that hasnt got anxiety these days. It's an epidemic thanks to social media

Not all panic attacks are the same. I’ve seen them as running around like a headless chicken visibly panicking, and I’ve seen them as appearing like a heart attack. No one wold know if the heart rated wasn’t being monitored and other symptoms being described. I’m sure there are other variation too.

Sorry but this is utter rubbish and actually completely the opposite is true. Some people can be suffering from panic attacks and show no external symptoms whatsoever.

When DD was suffering from extreme anxiety/stress last year she would be sat in class having panic attacks that were causing her to disassociate to the point that she had the sensation of looking down upon herself. Outwardly she just looked like she was in a bit of a daze.

Just talk to her, OP, and ask what you can do to help.

This thread is a few months old so potentially things might have moved on.