First of all let me just say that my daughter (15) has ASD, an eating disorder, severe anxiety that leads to panic attacks and depression, is recovering from self harm and suicide ideation.
So,
She learned how to ride a bike as a child, but she freaked out somehow and stopped. I have been trying to go on bike rides with her for years but when she would accept, she would panic, fearing being judged and just push the bike rather than ride it. Last year she started going on and on about how much she wanted to ride and would go to the gym with me just to use the stationary bikes, bless her.
Then a couple of weeks ago she started hiring bikes by the hour and going on rides around the block by herself! She was so proud of herself, especially since sometimes she would fall but then stand up and carry on
- she was conquering her fears and exercising which was doing wonders for her self-esteem and anxiety.
Then last week we decide to buy a second-hand bike and she was in love with it, going for her rides every day and feeling more and more confident.
Then on Sunday she had a nasty fall, and the chain came out, the basket got squashed and she hurt her arm. So sad. I kept building her up and remind her that the only reason it happened is because she is putting herself out there and facing her obstacles, she should be proud of herself because it was a huge accomplishment
- but the only thing she could focus on was on the fall and the broken bike – I fixed the chain but can’t fixed the basket and told her we can replace for another one.
Then her pain and arm movements got worse and today I took her to the hospital. We woke up early, left home on time, but getting there was very stressful because of the traffic, and I had to beg on the phone for them to keep the appointment (otherwise I would have to sit in A&E for the whole day) and they did in the end. She now has a sling (thank God not a cast) but is grumpy and feeling sorry for herself. We arrived back home at around 11am and she has taken herself to her bedroom and has been sleeping since
She hasn’t eaten anything (has ARFID) and I am already dreading that another starvation episode will begin. Last time it was 8 days zero food intake (during Christmas) and before that a whooping 40 days zero food intake in November. She is also refusing to take painkillers.
To make it worse – she has just been accepted at her special school provision and although she is struggling to attend, they are seeing her online. She has a session tomorrow and I am so worried she will refuse to log on + all the stress that comes with trying to explain, convince and make her do what she doesn’t want to do.
I know it could be worse and I don’t even want to think of all the other horrible case scenarios I could be dealing with right now, but why things get spoiled when everything is going well? Also, I don’t subscribe to good / bad luck, but it seems like always when she is trying hard to overcome her issues something comes out of the blue and knock her over, so she has to start from zero again. There are many examples. It just feels so unfair.
Rant over 😔