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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How much freedom does your 16 year old have (and also when on holiday)

16 replies

iwantavuvezela · 23/01/2023 12:56

Would really love some advice around this one. My 16 year old teen has asked that when we go on holiday later this year if she could have more freedom. This would be regarding going out in the evening with a friend of the same age that we regularly travel with.

Due to a bereavement and finding myself parenting solo I have no-one to really go back and forth with what is reasonable so looking for some input here. I think the loss of my teens father has also made me more cautious and I think that possibly she is right about wanting more freedoms.

We live in London so she does have some independence, goes to house parties (and catches the bus there and back if near - and I'm flexible on timings so comes home around 11.00/11/30 on a weekend), goes out in the evening to the gym , has various sleepovers with friends, travels in and out of London daytime if she wants to do something with a friend (shopping, bubble teas, mini golf type of thing) - but evening events are usually with her own age group / at someone's home. I trust her and she always keeps me in the loop of where she is / what she is doing by text.

I would love to hear what your teens do on holiday so I can think about what is appropriate.

OP posts:

PeekAtYou · 23/01/2023 12:58

Has she been more specific about what she means ?

Does she want to stay out later or not have to check in so much ?

Original poster

iwantavuvezela · 23/01/2023 13:27

that's a good point - I think she wants to be able to have the freedom to just go out more (perhaps a club - its a small resort we go to - pretty laid back)

I think I wanted to see what other 16 year olds are doing and see if I am being too strict and that she does need more freedoms

OP posts:

FrenchandSaunders · 23/01/2023 13:30

Many 16 year olds head to Reading/Leeds Festival after collecting GCSE results, just with a group of mates, no adults. So on that basis I think letting her go out in the evening on hols, when you're nearby would be fine.

rookiemere · 23/01/2023 13:33

DS16 is almost identical in terms of what he is allowed to do.

We took him with his pal on holiday to Lanzarote in October and my big worry was they'd try and sneak out of the complex and go to a club. Thankfully they didn't as it feels like a completely different ball game from going out at home.

I guess my red lines are anywhere he isn't legally allowed like a pub or a club. If he sneaks in without telling me once he's 17 for example well then it's like a chip off the old block.

Ask her what she means- she sounds sensible and open to compromise.

dizzydizzydizzy · 23/01/2023 13:34

She sounds very responsible and sensible. I think it is a reasonable request. Just agree some ground rules do you don't worry too much.

PizzaPastaWine · 23/01/2023 13:39

Would it have to be a club? I'd suggest a bar just to dip her toe in first?

I would have some rules as to how many alcoholic drinks/time to return etc but would be happy to allow it and to see how it goes.

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/01/2023 13:43

"We took him with his pal on holiday to Lanzarote in October and my big worry was they'd try and sneak out of the complex and go to a club."

Probably one of the safest places in the canaries to let them do it really. It's very much a families and couples island and there's not even many clubs there. You don't get the big stag parties there like tenerife.

Original poster

iwantavuvezela · 23/01/2023 13:45

@rookiemere thanks for that - I like the idea of what "is legal" - I am also of the mind set that she is a teen and can be expected to try and do things she shouldn't, but then a little part of my anxiety kicks in and that I need to protect her. (complicated I know) So yes, I feel the same that in London it is generally parks and home parties where she is allowed to go.

Teen herself has decided not to go to Reading this year as doesn't feel she is up to it - but I did offer for her to go and then realise that she would be effectively out and about for 3-4 days without me! So fair point @FrenchandSaunders

@dizzydizzydizzy i'll agree some ground rules -= good idea

I think i just wanted to test what other parents have decided to have access to some of those thoughts and ideas

OP posts:

rookiemere · 23/01/2023 13:51

@Dartmoorcheffy in the end they were happy watching the hotel entertainment with a couple of pre sanctioned Pina Coladas ( think his pal is used to classier hotels so he was right into the evening shows)

Not sure what everyone else made of them sat watching Motown classics in their gangsta outfits drinking cocktails.

SallyWD · 23/01/2023 14:10

Sounds fine to me. I had loads of independence at that age and would go to festivals etc.

belimoo · 23/01/2023 15:10

How far off 17 will she be and how responsible is she generally? When I was 16 I went on holiday with my parents and took a friend and we had complete freedom to go where we wanted and regularly went to bars and clubs and came home in the early hours (in a family friendly resort in Mallorca). But I was a couple of months off being 17 and I was very responsible. We never got more than tipsy and stayed with each other at all times.

HandbagsnGladrags · 23/01/2023 15:19

It's not an unreasonable request. My teen went to a festival with mates at the age of 16, and on family holidays she was allowed to go off with a friend. It's the age where they start to learn a bit of independence and as long as it's done in a safe way then it's good for them.

GerbilsForever24 · 23/01/2023 15:26

Yes, like others, I'd say this is about normal. especially if it's a resort you know well and have a good sense of what's okay. I think especially if she's with a friend - at similar age we used to bring friends on holiday with us and were allowed quite a lot of freedom with the strict assumption from our parents that we would stay together. I have fond memories of going off to the beach across from our hotel with a friend and separating from my parents to do some shopping in the bigger malls and tourist spots.

gogohmm · 23/01/2023 15:37

At 16 I let mine go out together (think they were 15&17 the first time. Eldest is pretty cautious so I knew they wouldn't do anything too out there. You have to just your dd and her friend as to their ability to judge safety.

Original poster

iwantavuvezela · 24/01/2023 12:07

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies - it really helped just having some others to talk this over and "aloud" with

OP posts:

waterrat · 24/01/2023 16:23

I grew up back in the wild 90s and at 16 I went to glastonbury with friends and no adults and my 14 year old sister came with us! Slightly astonished looking back.

We were also going clubbing at that age - in London and staying out very late.....

I think it's the age at which you really spread your wings - I had the time of my life at 16/17!

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