Did you get help for school refusal?

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I am feeling very guilty - I am a Dad and NRP, my 14 yo DD lives with her Mum, Ex DP, and is refusing to go to school most days.
I've tried everything I can think of Ex and I visited the school together and we've had Social Services involved - but no-one can really help and SS have signed us off.
DD's relationship with her Mum is rocky to say the least - they argue and swear at each other.
We're paying £100 a week to a private therapist who was initially successful in helping DD to attend but this hasn't been sustained. Ex wants to stop this but I would prefer to continue.
DD did live with me nearly a year but decided to go back to her Mum's and we really can't change again, even if she wanted to.
Has anyone been successful in this kind of situation?

Hi, so sorry no one has answered. I have a troubled teen, 14, but she does go to school.

what have school suggested? Would she like to change schools or try online school? What would your daughter like to do after school as an adult? I think there might be some limited college places for younger teens to pursue vocational courses

would this interest her? Sorry you and your ex and your daughter are going through this, it sounds so hard, hope this bumps your post too.

www.utcolleges.org/our-colleges/utcness/

My daughter was younger (10/11 years old) when she refused to go to school. It took a lot of support from school and a lot of private therapy to get her back. I knew she was autistic but no one would agree as they kept telling me that she could make eye contact so was fine. Three years later she was diagnosed.

Not saying that's the case with your daughter but things which helped my family were:
School removed pressure - so we're open to part days; reduced attendance if that helped get her back
She had lots of CBT which didn't help but then we changed to someone who did EMDR which is about reworking thinking around specific events - only really helps if there is something your daughter can think of which is stopping her going to school.

She was given a card which allowed her to leave lessons if it was too much for her and she was allowed to go to quiet spaces if necessary

She got new friends which helped a lot!

Hope you find a solution

why dosnet she want to go? Is she being bullied? Is there something shes uncomfortable with? that's where i would start. What about online school? Could she do that?

Thanks for the replies. She won't discuss the reason for not going beyond saying "I hate it" or "I don't want to" - trying to get her elaborate just goes nowhere because she says stuff like "because I just do" and so on.
As far as we can establish she isn't being bullied - and she has some good friends including a good friend who encourages her to go in.

DD was the same when she was 13/14.
She developed a disability and then covid happened and it all spiralled from there.
When the school reopened she refused to go back.
We ended up paying for a private therapist as CHAMS were a pile of shit and refused to help.
School were really good, she had a member of the truancy and behaviour team assigned to her and they arranged for a late start and early finish to at least get her in the door, she had a pass so she could leave lessons if they got too much and they have a quiet room where she could go and decompress.
On the days where she absolutely refused to go In someone would come to the house and try and convince her to go in and she usually would. She ended year 9 with about 80% attendance which was great.
We are now in year 11 and she still has the odd bad day but she on the whole will go in, I think her attendance for this year is 96% so far.

Thanks - that's reassuring.

There's a FB group called Not Fine In School you might want to think about joining for ideas and advice, although unsurprisingly there are some bad experiences shared on there.

Thanks I will take a look

My 14 year old girl became frightened of school.
Her and friend got drunk and she used the n word and it went viral at school.
Called a racist and picked on.
Tried to apologise but continual verbal bullying and threats.
Took overdose of paracetamol which we managed to fix quickly at A and E Now frightened to attend.She is not racist and blames one off drinksand can't remember saying word.
School supportive and want to give pastoral care.

Cams involved.and school very supportive.
She hopes it will blow over and get back to normal.
Need her to attend school.