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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My dh doesn’t support me parenting our dds

12 replies

Ohwelikesheep78 · 16/01/2023 13:38

Anyone else have a dh who becomes a referee rather than a supportive team player when there is some difficult stuff going on with teen dds?

I end up battling him as well as my daughters and he totally undermines my parenting! It’s really driving me mad!

It’s just the usual stuff like mess, not carrying plates through, leaving clothes everywhere, how late they can stay out but he always manages somehow to side with them.

They think the sun shines out of his rear end of course because he never tells them no. He has a very strong personality so it’s difficult to get my side across.

I get that he and they are really close but I feel sidelined and upset. This is not about a power struggle for his attention, I am pleased they have a good relationship, but I don’t think it’s good for them to be over indulged all the time. And I am beginning to feel like the family slave! What do I do? I’ve tried to talk to him about it separately and he laughs and rolls his eyes and says I am making a fuss about mothing!

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Ohwelikesheep78 · 16/01/2023 13:44

Should I have put this in relationships?

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Littlemissprosecco · 16/01/2023 13:51

Leave him to it then!!
I’ve been on strike twice over 20 years. works wonders!!!
Its hard to see all the mess mounting up, but you’re right you’re not a slave and definitely don’t want to be labelled the moany parent, so ignore everything that might not go the way you’d want and leave them all to it.

Ohwelikesheep78 · 16/01/2023 13:56

Thank you for reply. Interesting approach Littlemissprosecco!

Doesn’t the mess get you down though?

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Littlemissprosecco · 16/01/2023 14:02

Yes, but when there are no mugs left…… they have to do some about it. I just sat there with a magazine and said, “ oh I didn’t want to nag”
I couldn’t give lifts etc….. cos I had to collect plates from bedrooms etc….. they quickly learned it was a two way street. Getting frustrated and voice raising got me nowhere. If they were all on their phones, I went on mine!! It was quite funny

Littlemissprosecco · 16/01/2023 14:05

It opened up the opportunity for a proper discussion whilst they realised just how much I actually did.
I honestly don’t think they know til you don’t do it. Play them at their game…. Leave it all for someone else to do!

Ohwelikesheep78 · 16/01/2023 14:21

I really like your style Littlemissprosecco but I honestly think everything would just be left here to grow dust! None of them seem to care. The younger one used to be neater but she has now picked up her older sister’s bad habits.

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Littlemissprosecco · 16/01/2023 14:28

You need to do something to get them on board!
Everyone one else is on strike at the moment, make a joke of it, stick to your guns, see what happens.
Parenting teens is so hard, you all need to be on the same side. Maybe lower your expectations?? Or suggest a 10 minute daily job fest!! If all of you do 10 minutes of jobs at the same time every day loads would get done.

Littlemissprosecco · 16/01/2023 14:29

Give them a treat at the end of course!

Ohwelikesheep78 · 16/01/2023 16:12

Thank you again - I will give it a go!

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Ohwelikesheep78 · 16/01/2023 16:16

I doubt my dh will join in though. He does cook and clean a tiny bit but it is always on his terms.

Sorry to be negative LittleMissProsecco!

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averythinline · 16/01/2023 16:22

i would talk to him directly aboug exactly how you want the situation improved... why is he so disrespectful ...if hd doesn't see any issues then tell him...
when theres no plates/clothes/ food they might all grow up...
then you can have a family discussion about minimum standards...

Littlemissprosecco · 16/01/2023 16:48

How about a family meeting, you say what you do, what you need them to do, they decide how they’ll share it all out. Then when it doesn’t happen you can officially go on strike and they can’t say you didn’t warn them!!

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