Building confidence

[familyissues12345]

Hi

I don't know if I want advice, or just somewhere to write it down in the hope someone will say their child has been there too..

DS is 14. He's struggled over the years - suffered with serious Illness at a point in his childhood which has left him with a few learning difficulties. Prior to this he always struggled socially, but it's got more defined the older he's got.

He has 2 friends, who happen to be twins. It means that he's often quite lonely as if one isn't around to "hang out" then the other isn't either. I imagine they are quite happy with each other's company so DS isn't really required.

DS is desperate for new friends, and it's heartbreaking to hear him talk about it. It's not helped that his 19 year old brother is a social butterfly, has a large close group, but also lots of other mates too. DS2 said to us yesterday that secondary school is nothing like he expected, as DS1 went to so many parties by his age - he did.

It's just so tough seeing him so deflated, but unable to cope with trying new stuff to gain more friends. He won't try anything without his friends there too, but they aren't interested, so he spends a lot of time alone

I don't know how to help him. He's such a lovely boy, slightly "quirky" with a very funny sense of humour. He struggles with social things - finds it hard to talk to people he doesn't know.

Anyone else with a child like this?

Is he more comfortable talking with adults than other kids?
Would he consider a part time job or volunteering? Less social pressure, but lots of skills to be learned and confidence gained?

Yea OP my son is the same age as yours and also struggles socially, he has a small handful of friends in school but not much else so he’s alone a lot. Does your son struggle with anxiety at all, especially in social situations?

Yes he's very anxious. Is confident with adults he knows, but finds it difficult with ones he doesn't. He's very quiet at school, he's quite bright and has unusual interests but has a fear that people will laugh at him if he puts his hand up etc, so he tends to just sit quietly.

I can tell how much he wants to be more sociable, but he's painfully shy so can't do anything about it.

I'll look into the volunteering idea, that's good! He likes a bit of sport too, but won't do anything without his two friends who just aren't interested.

It's sad as his big brother is at Uni now, so he spends a lot of time just with us - and we just aren't cool!

I just want to say we do enforce with DS that he doesn't have to be like his brother, there's nothing wrong with having a small group of mates, but it's just he wants more

It sounds so much like you’re talking about my son haha! (Except the older brother)