How do you deal with teenage sons?

[ijustneedasleep]

My (almost) 14 year old son is driving me crazy.
He used to be so lovely, then over the past year or two he's started stealing from us, constantly lying, denying things even when he's caught rotten, vaping, horrible attitude etc and it's affecting his school work too.

Basically I want to know what everyone else does with their teen so I can see where I'm going wrong.
How much housework do they have to do, what rules do they follow, what kind of punishments do they get. Everything. I'd really appreciate anything at this point. I knew the teenage years wouldn't be easy but didn't think it'd get so hard so soon.

That sounds tough op. Does his father parent him as well?

I have 2 teenage sons and they do lots of chores.
I've never punished them but have taken gadgets away if I though it was interfering with their priorities.

What's going on with him? Has he got into a friendship group where they're doing this?
Can you spend time with him? Does his father spend time with him?

Do you know why things changed? I’ve always been quite lenient with my 14yo ds but he knows that as soon as he goes out of line we will come down on him. So he doesn’t have chores he has to do. But he is expected to help when asked, although I don’t force him if he explains why he can’t. From a very early age he’s had Xbox limits in the week. So not allowed on until 6 - and then only for a couple of hours max.

I feel we are very lucky, we haven’t had to punish… yet!

I would try to get to the root of what has changed recently - is he in with a new crowd at school who have more money to spend than him ( hence the stealing to keep up) or have a bad attitude. Has there been a change at home etc.

Would you be able to afford counselling and would he go? there are counsellors who specialise in young people's prblems and he might talk to them rather than you.
He sounds like he feels very angry and frustrated about somethings. It may be the constraints that a FT school timetable make some kids (understandably IMHO)rail against, perhaps he used to be near the top of the class but finds subjects tougher these days or it could be something more unsettling, bullying or his discomfort at changing himself to fit in or something at home.

Try to count to ten and calm down before getting into an argument about boundaries that he may provoke. Speak low and slow. Don't "sweat the small stuff". Find out more about the company he is keeping.

My son changed hugely this last term!! Generally a great kid. But he started lying, refusing to follow our rules, we had massive rows and its been a really tough term. He has just come home drunk for the first time!!! I find that researching teenage brain development helps, and keeping us talking. Finding the positives to reinforce with him and keeping chitchat happening so I'm not always telling him off. Apart from that I'm just dreading the next few years.....

My son changed hugely this last term!! Generally a great kid. But he started lying, refusing to follow our rules, we had massive rows and its been a really tough term. He has just come home drunk for the first time!!! I find that researching teenage brain development helps, and keeping us talking. Finding the positives to reinforce with him and keeping chitchat happening so I'm not always telling him off. Apart from that I'm just dreading the next few years.....

My 14 year old is in year 10 and was a golden boy until I had a baby in Feb and he's awful now, doesn't come out of his room and barely speaks to me, keep getting phone calls from his teachers saying how disruptive he is etc. I know he's probably craving attention and is jealous of the baby and have tried talking to him, spending time with him just us 2 but it doesn't work. I'm hoping it's just a phase and hormones going mad but it's so hard

This isn't to do with sons or being male. It's personally and behaviour. My teenage ds has done none of the things that I am sorry that you are experiencing with your son.