Happy Christmas to anyone who is having a less than pleasant time with their teen(s) atm

[Worklessplaymore]

Hello to all parents of teens and young adults, especially those for whom Christmas is hard this year.

I just wanted to wish you all a very happy Christmas!

We love our teens and want the very best for them. Sometimes though they can push us away, or challenge us or just be a bit unthinking and selfish. It's all part of the natural process of growing up but it can feel very hard, especially at Christmas time. Personally for me, this has been the hardest bit of parenting ever but none of my friends seem to talk about it much in rl except for a passing reference.

So, I just wanted to send out a big unMunsnetty hug and a fist bump of solidarity to any mother on here who is feeling a bit bruised by the events of this year. This too shall pass!

Sending love OP and maybe a little hope that things might improve. My teen was nightmare but really turned a corner this year and Christmas Eve was gorgeous this year after many not.

Happy Christmas 🎄

Thank you @Worklessplaymore I actually really needed to hear this, this morning.

No teen.here but definitely feeling bruised. I work with teens and sometimes there frustrations show in school,but more often than.not many keep a lid on them.and it all comes out at home. Parenting is a thankless role sometimes and like you say some people do not mention this. Once a friend was telling me his frustrations and I said to him.hang on I there,that one day his loving son would be 'back' and they would be having a oint together. Take care

Pint not joint🤣

Merry Christmas! X3 teens and a pre teen here and hoping for a nice calm day. I'm on my own, it's hard work at Christmas. Went to bed last night and asked them to tidy up before they all went to bed which led to squabbling and I made the mistake of getting angry. Just got up to do stockings and the kitchen and lounge are spotless and dishwasher was out on. It's a Christmas miracle

Thank you op.

I am trying to take comfort in the fact that only one of the 8 people in the house is behaving like a twat which is a better fraction than many people have.

One of my teens is behaving like a complete twat. Combination of exam stress, recent bereavement and Christmas hype. So understandable but still a twat.

I'm ill but still put effort into making everything look nice this morning so if he says even one critical thing this morning I'll lose it.

Such lovely messages here; thank you all! I feel much cheered having read them!

I hope you feel much better soon User57713

Ha! TheCountessofFitzdotterel that made me cackle 😁

I’m in awe Nonamenoplacetogo of you handling everything on your own. And that’s a lovely Christmas miracle indeed! Sometimes it doesn’t hurt for them to know that we’re human too.

What a thoughtful post BCBird and thank you for everything you do! Anyone who works with teens has my gratitude.

Thank you Bulbstarglitterball that’s really good to know!

Waves to Hellocatshome and anyone else who is finding things difficult today.

Just to add a note to my previous message...we did presents and they all bought me something and the best part was a card with a message from each one telling me how grateful they are for my support and being a great mum, despite our arguments it made me laugh and then we all cried. Hope everyone is having a nice day so far...

Aw that's lovely Nonamenoplacetogo the teen parenting holy grail in fact! 😀

Things are just about chugging along ok here. I've been studiously avoiding any potential confrontations of any sort and just focusing on the next thing and then the next thing. I could have done with a bit more help but at least everyone is fairly chilled thank heavens.

Feeling very bruised and sad here after a couple of challenging days - so am taking your hug and fist bump! Muss the toddler days when we all hung out more - even though the toddler days were crazy - just feel so unwanted / unneeded at the moment and wondering what am I doing here// guess am treading water until teenseave hone and will then reassess my life!

Rant/ reflection over! Happy boxing Day!!

I hear you Tillygee! And sorry you are feeling bruised. It's a difficult transition that's for sure.

Just a suggestion , so please feel free to ignore, but maybe don't wait until they have left home to reassess?

I know you may not be able to put all of your new plans in to practice until you have the mental space, time, budget, and freedom to do so, but teens take an awfully long time to be fully independent nowadays and can bounce back home a couple of times until they leave the nest forever... so it could be that you are putting your new life on hold for a while.

Also, I think teens quite like it when their mothers are engaged in fulfilling projects of their own because they get to assess us as someone other than just their parent, or as an employee, and it models self care to them in a very helpful well too. And the benefit for us is that we step back a bit and are distracted from their "rejection" (which is temporary hopefully) so we don't find it as painful and we are not as immediately "available" to jump in and try and sort out their problems for them either, which is good!

Good luck with it all anyway, however you decide to negotiate these next steps!

It will pass and can end well. My eldest teen had very challenging behaviour from the age of 15-17. He took cannabis, vaped, lied, had no respect and yet we are good parents, who spend time with our kids, listen to them and give them a stable loving home environment. It was like he went on self destruct for 2 years.
Fastforward to this Christmas, he is talkative, opening presents with gratitude and excited to go to Uni in Sept. He is predicted 3 As at A level and is a joy. It was the hardest point of my life though. Persistence and patience got us through though many a time I felt I was banging my head against a wall. Keep going - it will end!

Well done lordofmyflies that's a fantastic outcome for you and your DS

Yes worklessplaymore - great thoughts/ advice very appreciated

Mine are 17-25.

It's been very challenging with a few of them and still is BUT they have all been here for the first time in years and it's been wonderful.

It may only be a reprieve but it's a lovely one 💕

Gosh thanks for this shout out to parents of teens. I was lying in the bath having a little weep after a tough day with my DS 13 who was mostly lovely yesterday but has been rude and grumpy and selfish and disrespectful today and the emotional rollercoaster is exhausting.

I’m a longtime single mum and had my 80-something parents to stay so was stuck between 2 generations and normally don’t even allow myself to think about how I feel in all of this but this evening couldn’t help feeling sad for me.

my lovely mum wrote me an email when she got home this afternoon saying’chin up’ as she can see it’s so hard being a lone parent to a teen, and that little acknowledgement cut through my ‘busy, busy, busy’ defences. Hence the bath and the tears. It helps to know I’m not alone.

Sorry I missed your post yesterday Magicmum101 how are things today?
Your mum sounds lovely btw.

Thanks for much needed positive posts

Lordofmyflies and Randommess; great to read!

Thanks, I needed that. My 16 year old is selfish, stroppy, couldn't be arsed to do anything for others this Christmas. Mostly unimpressed with her large quantity of presents. Grudgingly made a card for me and her dad which literally said "to mum and dad from dd" unlike both younger siblings who made cards with lovely messages. Bought gifts for me on Christmas Eve after frequent reminders over several weeks. Didn't bother to make a card for grandparents who love her dearly and bought her loads of presents as always. Said she hadn't had time despite me reminding her for weeks when she has spent nearly all her time watching YouTube.

On the plus side only one out of three kids behaving like an arsehole so things could be worse.

ahh thanks for the shout out.

it's been a struggle this Christmas period with my 17 year old. He has practically disowned me, but will still interact with DH. We were at DH family gathering and DS was very animated and chatty to some but would visibly blank me or just walk away if I came near. It hurt a lot and felt embarrassed at the disdain he showed for me in front people.

He was less pleasant around my family would give one word answers to people and just stare at his phone.

Thanks OP, another one here who really needed to hear this.

Just back from travels.

Hello to Bookridden!

itwasboundtohappen that's so hurtful and I have a similar issue with one of my dds who very much favours her dad atm. She is polite to me in public but says some awful things to me at home. I really, really sympathise. It's the sort of hurt that goes in to your very core if that makes sense when you are doing your very best for them, although I try and rise above it and not take it personally . I hope your DH is setting your son right and supporting you properly.

carolserviceceprived Hope you all survived the holidays ok!

Our Christmas was awful frankly but DD redemned herself at NY so onwards and upwards.