I’m just not coping and don’t know what to do

[Notagoodtime]

My ds is 15 and we are really struggling with him. He vapes continually and although we don’t give him money he works part time pot washing and uses this money. I ask him not to vape in the house but he continually does while sitting in bed. Recently his behaviour has got worse and he admits that he now smokes weed. I’ve begged him not to and we have talked about the long term dangers but he tells me it’s my problem and that he can do what he likes. He is a bright boy and goes to a grammar school but his school work is suffering and has done dismally in his mocks.He goes out against my wishes and im so anxious and heart broken that he has such anger towards to me. Saturday he called a f c*nt as I stopped him going to a party. I lost my temper with him last night as he came in stoned but he just looked at my coldly and told to mind my own business. He used to be such a lovely boy

Hey. Is his Dad there? Can someone other than you sit him down and talk to him. It also illegal for him to be smoking weed.

Combine resources with his Dad? - you mention we.
I asked DH - and he said grounding. You could also use the work as leverage. Any more pot smoking and you will find a way for him not to be able to attend his job.
there are some good parenting teenage boys books out there.
Are there any teachers he likes and respects that you could talk to?

I'd look into Youth services in your area and see if you can link him in with a youth worker or floating support worker for some mentoring if things are becoming fractious in the house. Sometimes we can hear things from other people that we just can't take from our parents and sometimes we can share feelings with others we couldn't tell our parents about. I'd try to get him someone to talk to who can give him a bit of support to think they the decisions he's making.

I agree. Someone other than you to talk to him.Could even be a younger male family member. Someone he respects and looks up to. He is trying to assert his independence and "authority". That's all very well but he needs to know that also means he needs to take responsibility for his actions and the way he speaks and treats you has consequences.