Is this it?

[mackerelsandwich]

Single mum to two, 13 year and 12 year old, both now in secondary. This year they are moody, argumentative, don't want to do things as a family and I'm finding it really hard to accept. Is this the teenager years??

I find when you have teens you need to loosen up a bit more , go with the flow a bit more . When a Family is forced to spend time together it shows . You can spot these families a mile off , they all look miserable .
Little and often is the best way I find to spend time with teens .

Tell them to pick the activity but you are doing it

It’s normal for teens to pull away from family as they age. It’s part of preparing to be adults. Pick what is necessary and don’t push them into activities they really don’t want to do.

Yes but they do get better - you are probably in the worst of it now. I'd leave them to it as it's no fun dragging round reluctant teens. Sometimes you could take them out one at a time (eg if one is more into shopping, the other maybe swimming)?

Yes! My dd is 13. Since starting secondary school she is very different. Spends a lot of time in her room. Moody, doesn't like to be touched. Very different to before, I miss my hugs!

Yes, but they do turn back into humans eventually!!

Just go with the flow and let them do their thing (within reason obviously).

Ah OP I feel your pain. My 17yo DS is a nice lad but he doesn't want to hug me and spends a lot of time in his room. Luckily my other two are still up for hugs.

Don’t you remember being a teenager?

Yep. Mine spend the time in their rooms and when I do see them it’s as though someone has really pissed them off! All jolly and happy when the girlfriends come round though.

It’s a balance of not tolerating rudeness and giving them space. One of the worst things you can do is carry on doing everything for them as if they are still six years old and need help with their shoelaces .
Give them some responsibilities now that they are teens, laundry for example, earning extra money with more chores, getting themselves sorted for school and lunches.
If you prostrate yourself at the altar of teenage entitled twatishness constantly running around picking up after them, then it will last much longer.
Love them but be tough too.

Think about when you were a teenager..... if you could, you would have sawn off your own arm rather than spend time with your family! We all need some space at that age.

Speak to them like adults, treat them like adults, bite your tongue, let some stuff slide, pick your battles. Find excuses to tell them how proud you are of them, tell them you love them when they leave fur school. Not in a gushy way. Just ‘Bye, love you!’ When they walk out with a new outfit/makeup that you’re not keen on, tell them they look nice.

Thank you for your messages. I think I assumed I'd have until at least my youngest was 13!

It's just been a massive shift in last few months. Particularly my youngest who argues and refuses to do most of what I ask, everything is a battle.

I already do alot of what is mentioned but will also do what else has been suggested.

Like many others I've got flu at the moment and it just makes everything ten times harder.