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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Please help me decide whether to lift Wi-Fi restrictions

24 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 20/12/2022 00:35

Dd is nearly 16, Year 11. Has mocks in January. She is on the autistic spectrum.

About a year and a bit ago, she persuaded me to lift the Wi-Fi restrictions completely claiming it was less stressful for her not to have to finish stuff by a certain time. The result was a disaster, she was texting at all hours and her sleep was affected. Big mistake.

We put the restrictions back on but quite generously. Her devices switch off (via an app on my phone) at 11.30pm on school nights and midnight weekends and holidays. I know it’s very late but there had to be some compromise and we are all night owls anyway.

A year on, she is now asking for the restrictions to be lifted again. She says I don’t know what her working pattern is like and not having 24/7 wifi is not helping her revision.

I’m leaning towards saying no because the times are late enough. But I’m not sure. This ‘discussion’ was after she found out her older sister (19) did a through the nighter to get a university essay finished.

OP posts:

Pixiedust1234 · 20/12/2022 00:42

I would say no as well otherwise when would she sleep? Nobody needs WiFi 24/7. Tell her she can have it 24/7 when she's in her own house, paying her own bills.

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 20/12/2022 00:45

She’s piling on the emotional blackmail, she’ll fail her exams, it’ll be my fault etc

OP posts:

GLADragss · 20/12/2022 00:49

It’s Christmas and she’s likely not in education over the holiday period, a couple of late nights won’t harm her? We’re in the digital age and both revision and socialising require the internet…

I am early 20s and have grown up with unrestricted 24/7 access to the internet. I’ve managed to graduate university, and have been in employment since I was 17. Currently in a grad role and have always managed to get myself to bed on time, get up on time and get what is necessary done. So kindly, perhaps the fact you’re restricting her internet access, makes her overdo it when she has unrestricted internet access? It’s no wonder she’s staying up all night as it would be like a kid in a candy shop due to all the restrictions you’ve imposed.

Whereas it wouldn’t be a big deal nor impacting her sleep if it was a normal part of her life?

Maybe either keep the internet on for longer, or keep it on all night but restrict the sites she can access eg no social media after 11.

Cascais · 20/12/2022 00:58

Beamur · 20/12/2022 01:10

Do you think she has matured sufficiently to be able to regulate her use? If yes, then lift it. If not, don't.

lailamaria · 20/12/2022 03:34

well considering its the christmas holidays i'd say its the perfect time to give her a second chance, otherwise how will she mature knowing she won't ever get another chance if she messes up

TeenDivided · 20/12/2022 07:15

No.
The time for lifting restrictions is after GCSEs, not in the critical 6 months before.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 20/12/2022 07:22

How does she cope with change? Will she be able to manage for eg. Using stuff later in the hols and it not becoming a new routine that continues once school starts, and how would she cope with the restrictions being put back on if she doesn't manage without?

I have an autistic ds of similar age with similar time restrictions and the above (he wouldn't cope and it would become a new routine that would then cause huge distress to change) are why I'm currently saying so to his requests to be allowed on his tech later 'because it's the holidays'

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 20/12/2022 17:51

Hard to assess her maturity. She is maturing but has a way to go. I think she has every intention of turning off at a sensible time but like many teens is addicted to her phone.

Last year I only found out by chance about the middle of the night texting. I saw the next morning a WhatsApp message had been read at 3am, and her friend's mum told me dd had been sending messages in the small hours. I imagine if I took the restrictions off again, she will be more 'careful' not to get caught out but I really don't trust her not to keep silly hours.

OP posts:

TeenDivided · 20/12/2022 18:17

Does she need her phone for schoolwork?

You could consider saying the internet can stay on if she is using it for revision, but you'll look after her phone so she doesn't get distracted by social media?

I still wouldn't, but it might be a different option.

jackstini · 20/12/2022 18:25

Could she suggest new time limits instead?
When is she planning on revising?

You could do a trial period and then review

lailamaria · 20/12/2022 18:52

i really do think you should do a trial period and give her another chance, make it clear your expectations but don't create expectations that she will find really difficult to face, she has to be allowed to mature at some point

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 20/12/2022 18:56

It's really not a good plan to be revising at night anyway. She needs to be winding down at 11:30.

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2022 18:59

No. She doesn't need Internet to revise. That's what her textbooks are for. If need be she can look at the Internet for whatever she needs from there when it's on and use her textbooks when it isn't.

I dunno why but I'm also getting a vibe you should keep an eye on whats she is doing online. She may have become fixated on something or be being bullied (hense all thr late night texting).

SE13Mummy · 20/12/2022 19:02

Are you able to set up something that is app-specific and combine that with her phone going off/being given to you at 11.30pm? That way, the pressure to finish work is lifted for her but your concern about her using WhatsApp, Tiktok, snapchat, Instagram etc. is reduced. You may need to investigate (or ask her to?) how to achieve this but it feels like it might be a compromise that would work.

Survey99 · 20/12/2022 19:02

imo 16 is too young to be doing all night revision and I wouldn't even entertain that argument. She needs to adjust her studying to daytime/early evening hours and use night time for sleeping!

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 20/12/2022 19:05

Nope. I've only just turned off restrictions overnight for mine. My youngest is 15, but he doesn't have any screen overnight. My next oldest is 18 and now working night shifts, which is why i turned them off as he is awake through the night. Otherwise I would have left them on because it was good for all of us to switch off and leave screens alone once in bed. Maybe you could use this argument? If she's staying up all night she won't be any good at college, just like you wouldn't be at work.

BCBird · 20/12/2022 19:10

It's a resounding no from.me. No one needs wi-fi 24/7. She has plenty of time to access it. I am a teacher and I have noticed a worrying trend where pupils,usually boys,are falling asleep in lessons. If itbhspoens I call home. It is addictive. She will fail.her exams if she falls asleep during the test.

NameOchangeO1 · 21/12/2022 06:59

No one needs to be revising after 11:30pm.

Merlott · 21/12/2022 07:06

No and she needs to set herself a realistic revision schedule!!!!

Do you have an app time monitor set up?

The newer Samsungs do this.

dolor · 21/12/2022 07:33

Nooooope. Don't fall for that again.

givethistokevin · 21/12/2022 07:55

We have very few rules in the house but one of them is that we switch off the Wi-Fi at midnight. It's an enforced bedtime if you like, partly because the DC are autistic so we stick with a routine we had built them and partly because I have c-PTSD and absolutely cannot relax if there are things switched on/people going about the house during the night. It has worked well for us over the years, although 2 of my DC are awful sleepers and I would have allowed them their phones at 16, but they had to go to bed. Two of them are adults now and it seriously serves us well.

The problem with 'it's the holidays, give her a break' is that she is autistic and it may well be very hard to go back to regulation if it's completely removed.

givethistokevin · 21/12/2022 07:56

It STILL serves us well

latetothefisting · 21/12/2022 08:01

No! Come on, she's not going to vlbe "revising" after 11.30pm particularly on the days she's got school the next morning. She wants it for other stuff. If she wanted to revise she could always look at physical books or download stuff in advance. She's much more likely to fail her exams through lack of sleep than anything else!

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