Battling with my 14yr old son

[Kvec1507]

Hi all, coming on here late as could really use some words of wisdom.
My 14 year old is testing my patience big time.
We have had the issue of trying to get him to do homework and revise which has caused endless arguments. I've set up a 1 hour per day schedule for during the week and if he doesn't do it or gives me attitude he loses gym priveleges or phone etc.
The latest thing is bedtime. During the holidays we have said we would trial letting him stay up until midnight playing PlayStation with his friends. I've said that fine as long as he's quiet. We live in a 2 bed flat so not easy.
Tonight was his last chance, I'm exhausted, have work tomorrow and couldn't sleep cos he's talking so loud to his friends.
I've told him enough enough he can have until 11 then bed and he's gone mad. He said he hates living here in the flat and that I'm a bad parent compared to all the others.
We can't afford to move to somewhere bigger so he has his own space (currently shares a room with his bro and stays up late in the living room)
These rifts are becoming more and more regular. I remind myself all the time he's a teenager and this is how he's supposed to behave but it makes me so sad and I just want to be able to give him everything.
Am I wrong in all of this?
How can I be firmer with boundaries?
I'm so scared he will hate me and run away to live somewhere else until he realises the grass isn't greener.

It's a very difficult age. Hang in there.

I'm sure he does have friends who are allowed complete free reign with their gaming and are never told to go to bed. That doesn't make it right though and it doesn't mean you have to parent like that.

At 14, I think 10:30 is late enough on school nights to be gaming. He's never going to have the energy to study if he's gaming any longer.

What about giving him free reign on Fridays, Saturdays and holidays? He can game as much as he likes, as long as he's in bed by 10:30 on school nights and his school work is up to scratch. Remember you are the parent and you are putting rules in place for his benefit in the long run.

Thanks for your support.
During term time he goes to bed at 10 and he doesn't really argue it. Thankfully!
I just feel I'm not strong enough to battle with him. He always says just give me one more chance and I know that if I give in he'll expect that every time.
I know i need to be the parent and not his friend but well I just don't know he makes me feel like the worst person in the world.
Just hate arguing all the time. Life isn't fun anymore like when they were little.

Take away the video games and his phone etc until he complies. He will learn eventually. It'll still be a rough ride, but stop giving him chances because he's not going to carry them through. You have to stand firm.

If he refuses to do homework etc, it's himself he will have to blame, and nobody else.

Do the school expect an hour of homework every night?

Yes in fact they said even more as he's doing gcses he needs to be revising or doing coursework. He's doing quite well with the schedule I set him as he knows if he doesn't he doesn't get to go to the gym, have his PlayStation phone etc.

I know i need to be firmer it's just sooo hard!

I never argued with mine OH did, it's pointless. I'd just turn off the router game over. BUT that was when it was GCSE and A level revision. At 14 I wasn't that strict. They do shout so again game over no arguments. Be consistent but calm