Worried about ds leaving school

[Miracle29]

Hi all just needed some advice reassurance really to those who have older teens. My ds is 15 and is the youngest in his class. If he was born any earlier he would have been in year 10 and this has always shown in school. He's always been behind in learning and needed extra support and interventions. Both primary and secondary school always put it down to him been the youngest, one teacher even stated he would have done better been a year below. After lockdown I was told by his teacher there was some sort of block in his learning so we're doing some tests to see what the block was. They did a dyslexia test etc and said he wasn't showing any traits so put him in interventions. I've been on the phone to the school numerous times to ensure he's getting the right support as it seems that children who struggle like my ds are brushed under the carpet and the more advanced ones helped more. Anyway he leaves school I'm June and I'm really worried for him. He's no idea what he wants to do when he leaves school, he worries about traveling to college/work and worries about making new friends. He was looking into engineering the other day but he hates things like that and I think he's just doing what his mates are doing or he really just doesn't know what to do and settling for anything. My ds is quite shy, struggles to follow instructions at times and panics if he gets things wrong. So I'm obviously worried he's now going into the big world. I do think of he was the year behind he'd be better prepared. His friends all seem ready and know what they want to do. Some days it doesn't seem to phase him he seems laid back about it and others he looks so scared when he talks about jobs/college and it really concerns me. Anyone got any words of advice or words to help steady my nerves.

oh bless him- I get it, Op.
My son turned 16 at the end of last august so he's a year older than your son; he has stayed on at the school 6th form. a lot of what you've written resonates with me and i want to offer some reassurance that things do eventually start to change.
my son doesnt really know what he wants to do either- though does sometimes mention engineering with no real idea as to what it entails!!- i dont think this is unusual at his age so i'm not too worried about that. the A levels he chose are the same as his best friend's and he admits that's why he chose them! he only just got through gcses- and i was worried that he'd struggle at 6th form, but actually, he's much preferring the environment (smaller classes) and able to buckle down to work- something he didnt do before- was very under the radar. i think it's quite a nice transition to go into the school 6th form rather than the colleges in town- these are big, "cool" and busy and i think he would have hated them!! i wonder if you have smaller college options or school 6th form?
like your son, he's a quiet boy. socially, he's started seeing more of a friend who has gone to the large city college- and is gradually getting into hobbies, not just gaming which is what it has been previously! but that's all very recent and he's still no party animal. maybe he never will be and that's fine. my brother said his drive to go out socially started at about 17 or 18 and maybe that'll be the case for my son. we're late bloomers in our family which doesnt help when you're young in your year.
i get what you're saying about being better off in the year below. i sometimes wonder if i should have pushed for that. but, where some kids are partying and perhaps ignoring their studies now, my son is stepping up (at last!!). i'm not putting the other kids down, just saying that it doesnt always help to peak too soon maybe.
i do worry that he'll be young for university in 2 years' time and have suggested a gap year just so that he wont be the youngest for once!! we'll reassess nearer the time. he has changed a lot physically in the last 3/4 months so your son probably has that to come too.
i had hoped there'd be a seismic change in 6th form as i'd read that this could be the case. thus far it's not been earth-shattering but i feel more at ease regarding him- he seems more confident and focused compared to a year ago. i honestly dont worry about him the way i used to. and it's early days. my partner always says: you're a long time grown up, and my brother- also a summer-born- positively loved being young and child-like in his mid teens!! but he's unusual and i think its no coincidence that one of my son's new hobbies is running and fitness- he wants to buff up, lose the boyishness!
good luck to your son- there's a world of difference between 15 and 16, and no doubt between 16 and 17 etc etc- they find their way in their own time.
sorry massive essay- not good at brevity!

Your DS can spend 3 years in 6th form / college if his first choice of course isn't working out for him after a year.

What kind of GCSE grades are you expecting? Have you looked into the wide range of vocational courses available? If you worry he will struggle to adjust to college life, then if he's borderline on entry grades, he could start at Level 2 for a year so he'd have easier academics while he found his feet.

What kind of thing does interest him? What are his skills? My DD is at an agricultural college (on a level 1 animal care course). From how you have described him, I wonder if something like Horticulture might suit? (I'm thinking, kind of peaceful and slow moving).

Thankyou for your messages. He went though a phase of gping out with friends after lockdown but his friends suddenly got girlfriends, joined football which my ds hates, joined the gym etc. My ds did try go to the gym and did enjoy it at times but it phased out quickly. His friends also started to leave him out by arranging to go somewhere and he'd see this on the group chat or he would be invited but not spoken to and ds does think it's because he struggles to communicate of there are too many people ina group. He doesn't really have any hobbies at all. I've tried to encourage these but he much prefers to be at home to be honest. He did some mock exams last week and has gone up in maths to a grade 4 but all his other grades are at 2-3 and he does panic about them. The teachers know he struggles but some still make him feel bad by telling him try harder, join boosters when they are on etc. I've been on the phone numerous times to get him some support and they say they are and will be giving extra support in the summer. He has spoken to me about what work is like, what pay you get etc so he is thinking about the prospects of work and the future. I think my ds would be great with animals and when little always said he wanted to work for the rspca to rescue them bless him. He also went through a stage of wanting to do something in gaming and IT but took IT and media at school and hates it. Lockdown really put him back as I'm sure it did many children but I feel that time was when he needed the support the most, now it all seems rushed to get him where he needs to be.
Being the youngest really doesn't help and he has told me he feels like he's at a different speed to his friends and has said he wishes he could have another year at school but obviously can't do that. I will look into 6th form college, I assumed the colleges were all the same. I started at level 2 when younger because I was absolutely terrible at maths and needed to resit it. I think ds would do better in smaller groups than bigger groups too. He has mentioned apparentiships where he works and goes to college as he is excited to earn his own money but again I really feel he would struggle in a work environment at the moment. He hates been told off and gets really down if his grades aren't met etc. He had a teacher a while back complain about some of his work and ds was gutted because he thought he did so well and even told the teacher i tried my best I couldn't do anymore and he was down about it the whole week. I found the transition from primary school to high school hard but this is on another level but it's so nice to hear of other stories because majority of my friends children or his friends know what they want to do and ate getting higher grades so I dint heat the stories from those who struggle.

Sounds like he just isn’t academically bright, not all kids can be.

Also there’s nothing wrong with him being a homebody.

Take the pressure off for now, stop talking about work and exams, and just leave him be for a while. Sounds like he’s overwhelmed with everyone pushing him and needs some space. Just watch and wait and see what happens over the next few years. He might be one of these people who gets a ‘temporary job’ but then enjoys it and works his way up etc.

We worried about DS at primary and secondary and he was very average and below average in Humanities, however, at sixth form he chose 3 subjects he liked and is now working really hard and thriving. If you find a college that does some Btec courses that are less acedemic it might help. Go to the open days and find out what the courses are like. You can also retake GCSEs of needed.
I think the key is to find something he loves and work towards it. If he likes animals, maybe an agricultural focussed college of you have one nearby which have more practical courses too

If he is y11 you need to be getting applications in by around Feb, even if he isn't currently sure what he wants to do. You shouldn't really leave it until the summer.

My DD is here: www.sparsholt.ac.uk/the-college/# have a look at the subjects. Being an agricultural college it is really spacious which gives DD room to breathe.

If he is on 3s and 4s you probably should be looking at a L2 course (1 year) not Level 3 to start with. If he could pass at least 1 of English and Maths that would lighten his timetable and stress at college. It may be worth prioritising select subjects for revision and letting his worst go.

It is worth travelling for the right course, it isn't unusual round where I am for students to travel an hour door to door for college.

Sit down and right some lists of his skills and preferences, then have a think about what might suit. There will be something.

Even 'practical' courses have a fair amount of theory / written work. My DD is at college 4 days a week, of that if you count up the lessons, she has a whole day of practical, 2 days theory and one day English&Maths.

to be honest, op, my son only socialises with one other boy outside of school (the one from a different college but from the same school). again, where this probably nagged at my peace of mind a year ago, it doesn't now. this friend is lovely (also a summer-born!) and they're slowly experiencing teenage life together. bit of skateboarding here, cinema there. romantic relationships do not figure yet! but i'm very happy that he has this one, good friendship- and i have to say, it's only really flourished to the point of socialising outside of school over the last few months- so this may be the trajectory for some boys, including your son.
in school he has a group of about four friends- one of them has a girlfriend but the others don't, so, again not unusual
also my son has one friend doing resits elsewhere (plus he gets to study music production which sounds pretty good), a couple that are middling academically and a couple that are bright- so a real mix
sorry, looks like i'm banging on about my son! but i can't emphasise how much happier i feel about him now than when he was your son's age. he's just quietly buckled down and is becoming his own person. i'm so sorry to read about your son's friendship group- i read about that kind of thing on here a lot. it does sound like he would do better elsewhere and quality over quantity every time!! agree lockdown really buggered up nascent social and other skills.
i'm sure he'll find his people.

Thanks again for all the replies it really helps. He had told me he does have a look at different colleges and things online. He did have 1 close friend who he was going to the gym with now and then but this boy seemed to take the gym to a whole new level by wanting to go most days etc then he started smoking and put my ds off. He is in WhatsApp group with seem friends but they do tend to leave him out alot after school so he does spend most time on games or watching films but does seem happy enough but he is concerned about his grades and I do wish the school would help more like they promised to begin with. Ds said he feels like they always help the ones they know will do well and don't bother so much with those that may not which is horrible. I do have a parents evening coming up where I will speak to his main teachers about helping him a little more. I try not to mention college, school, jobs too much as I don't want him to feel pressurised and sign up to something he's not sure of. Friends wise I've told him he will find people he can connect with in the near future it just takes time. It's so horrible to think your child feels different to others their own age. In a way I'm happy with he way he is because at least I know he's not in trouble, in the wrong crowd, or even been a victim of something but I don't want him to feel alone.

If you find the right course at the right college there is more chance he will 'click' with the people at college.
I'm a little bit nervous that 'you' don't seem to be applying to colleges. He loses nothing by applying now, he can always change his mind. Whereas if he waits until August he may find his course if full. Plus of course all te open days will have occurred and he won't have looked round anywhere.

Is there a reason you no longer think he'd suit working with animals? Could he try volunteering with a rescue, even if just walking the dogs, to see if he enjoys it. Don't add the pressure as if it's a career choice, just something he might enjoy.

It sounds like he needs some self esteem more than anything. He needs to feel useful and good at something. It could be that waggy tails and welcomes could give him that.

Some of the FE colleges run foundation year courses that act as a bridge between GCSEs and other post 16 courses. Gives kids the chance to consolidate key skills and possibly retake core GCSE subjects where necessary. Maybe something like this would be a good idea. Give your DS an extra year to find himself....

There was a college that went into the school a few weeks back but this college was quite a distence away which but my ds off but because he felt pressurised by the staff he nearly signed up to a random course and I had no idea until he came home but the application didn't go through as the Internet went down so many couldn't do it. There are no animal courses in my area and I have gave him the idea of working at a rescue etc. I think he just feels so pressured into applying and I really do not think he's ready it really upset me today speaking to him about it because he just seems like he needs an extra year at school though he'll say it's ok mum don't worry I'll find something. I offered go to a opening evening woth him but he didn't want to go. I wander of speaking to the school to speak with him may help? Some friends are going straight into jobs.

I've also told him don't feel pressurised into college he can always do a voluntary job for a while to get work experience and socialise and apply for a college next year if he needs. He's also asked of there are any jobs that would train him up without college, would this be an option? I've also spoke to him about appretiships. I think the hardest thing is he doesn't know what he wants to do. If he knew ot would possibly be easier to have a look around but I am concerned about leaving it too late to sign up for college but don't want him signing up to something he doesn't want to just to catch up with what others are doing in his friendgroup. They all know what they're doing and where they are going and this puts my ds down. I really wish I could take the pressure away

OP where abouts are you - just vaguely, maybe people can help you look for suitable courses /ideas. There are lots of options post 16 and it can be very daunting.

Are you in England?
The law as it stands says post 16, students can either
'Stay in full-time education - for example at school, sixth form college, further education college or University Technical College (UTC)
Start an apprenticeship or traineeship
Spend 20 hours or more a week working or volunteering while also doing part-time education or training'

Now, your school should have a Careers advisor or subscribe to an agency to offer the students advice. They should be seeing all Year 11s and prioritising those who need a bit of help. Contact the school and ask. The careers advisor will talk through lots of options and help him explore what he wants to do for next steps.

He can apply for as many different colleges and courses as he likes. A lot of Sixth forms will have a deadline of early Jan. Colleges tend to be a lot more flexible and don't always have a deadline as such. They will also usually (virtually always) allow a potential student to apply for a different course if they have changed their mind.

Apprenticeships are a good idea also. Places to look are www.gov.uk/apply-apprenticeship
amazingapprenticeships.com/
www.ratemyapprenticeship.co.uk/

Because apprenticeships are like job adverts, they come out at different times of the year, so it is worth checking periodically. Some big companies have info on when their schemes open on their websites (early careers).

National Careers Service, Youth employment and Barclays lifeskills have a lot of useful advice too.
nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/
barclayslifeskills.com/
www.youthemployment.org.uk/

If he chooses a course/apprenticeship and it's a mistake, he can apply for something different the following year. Part of finding a career involves finding out what you don't want to do!

Yes I'm in UK staffs.
@HyggeandTea thankyou so much for the info. To be honest his school is not the best it'd gone downhill since lockdown. There is a careers advisor who has spoke to some children but not all so maybe they haven't got around to them all yet. His school have sent no info out for parents and I'll admit I've no idea what I'm doing it's been so long since I was at college. His school doesn't go past year 11 but he has said he wishes he was in year 10. I've looked at some colleges etc online but it's hard because he doesn't know what he wants to do he doesn't really have any hobbies either really. I have encouraged this many times but he's never been interested in any really. He did like going the gym once a week so I mentioned a personal trainer but he's not into other sports and a course I saw for this involved other sports. He just doesn't seem into anything. I think I may need to speak to the school in the hope they'll speak with him and help but it breaks my heart he feels likes he's not ready and has all the pressure of exams, applications and jobs etc. I have said I'd prefer him to do sonething rather than sitting at home once he leaves as I don't want him getting to comfortable at home then having to find a job or apply for college later as I think this may make ot harder in the long run if that makes sense. He had no idea he needed to apply in the next month which has made him even more anxious. I don't want him lying awake at night panicking like I am. Why do they grow up!! Bring back my baby. I thought transition from primary to secondary was hard but this is worse. I've done what I can by preparing him such as pushing him to walk to school rather than relying on lifts etc, this worked as he will walk where needed and he's gained some confidence in that aspect and has helped him socialise to and from school or the shops etc.

I would agree that he sounds suitable for a level 2 BTEC course, such as science, Health and social care, sport, similar, with a view to going on to level 3 a year later. Has he considered vocational courses, such as plumbing? These can be very sound career choices, with reliable work and good pay. I think most decent colleges would allow a bit of wiggle room at the start of year 12, if he decides 1 week in that he is on the wrong course, so a bigger college with more course might give him more options once he has a foot in the door.

He doesn't need to know right now what he want s to do for the rest of his life. Just steer him towards course that keep his options open, if he has no clear preferences at all

In the end, the job he does will depend on what job vacancies are available to him when he is applying, and that could well end up being a job title, or an industry that neither of you have heard of yet.

I have seen thousands of youngsters leave school and move on to find their niche - very few have been predictable at year 11. it will happen for him, I am sure

Phone/email his head of year and ask for him to be seen by the careers advisor asap. They will have a priority list, he should be on it.
Don't panic too much. Very few colleges will have a deadline for T levels/BTECs etc, it will just be 'before August' or 'as soon as possible'. If you find your local college website it will say and they will also have a helpline and their own careers advisors who will be happy to talk to you. Have you been to an open day/evening?
Likewise local business apprenticeships will probably be advertised in the spring for September start.
He can apply for a number of things and choose on results day. Very common to not have a clue what to do. He can try something and then change if he wants, it will be fine. The important thing right now is to concentrate on GCSEs. The rest really can wait.

Btw, careers advisors are not just there for specific 'careers', they also help with next steps and looking at how to apply for apprenticeships, find college courses etc. Most Year 11s have no idea about a future job at this point, just a vague sense of something they might one day not hate doing!

If you want to read into BTECs a little more, then these pages may help (one f via Woking college...I don't work for them)
woking.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/BTEC_Guide.pdf
www.ucas.com/further-education/post-16-qualifications/qualifications-you-can-take/btec-diplomas

And apprenticeships

amazingapprenticeships.com/parent-zone/

But again, find your local college and get a good look at their website. 🙂

1. If he does a L2 course, it's only a year, and if he doesn't like it he can switch to a different L2 course the next year, or a L3 course if his GCSEs are good enough. Don't think of it as picking a career for life. Pick a 1 year course, and go from there. He might love it, or he might work out what he would prefer.

2. Go to some college open evenings Get a feel for what is really out there. Even if you go on your own.

3. Write down a list of strengths / weaknesses, and even vague interests. My DD1 didn't really know what she wanted to do, but liked languages, liked going new places, and was much stronger verbally than written. We plonked for Travel & Tourism for her which ended up being OK.

4. You say there are no agricultural colleges near by. But how far away are your nearest ones? Ours have buses that come in from a long way away.

5. In my view college is 'easier' for someone who is a bit young than an apprenticeship. Much better a year in college growing up than sitting at home trying to work out what to do. (Plus if he sits at home your Child Benefit will stop.)

There are Outdoor Pursuits courses which are active but not Sports (think training up future PGL leaders). Could that suit?

Sorry to sound so stupid but how do appretiships work. That's what my dp did many moons ago but I know it's probably changed now. Does ds find a college course and then find a job or does he find a job and the employer send him on a course? Cpuld he find an apprentiship just through employment or would it need to be through a college? We haven't been to any opening evenings as of yet. There was one with a college that was too far for ds to travel and the other one i didn't even know was running an opening evening until after it happened. The school seem to tell the kids about them but the parents get no emails or anything. I think I'll email his head of year and ask him to speak with ds and give him some insight and options and ask of he can speak with the career advisor ASAP. My ds has said people have been coming in and out of school talking about college/uni but I didn't know any of this and ds said he didn't think it was a big deal at the time because he thought he had plenty of time...so did I. I may also write down some things he'd like to do and options because ds is much better seeing things on paper he can reflect back to. Some of his friends applied for college at school and received their confirmation already and I think that's what made ds realise he needs to do something but has no idea what.
All the information is brilliant thankyou

I don't really know how you find apprenticeships, though there is the government site.

However the linked education provider will visit the student at work. Some criteria can be signed off by doing or showing, but there may well be some written work required too.

Some apprenticeships may well have day release to college (not sure if that is to do English & Maths GCSE or also theory for the apprenticeship.) They are meant to be given X% of time per week to study.

They get apprenticeship wage for first year.

Someone with more experience can elaborate no doubt.

I would recommend at least 1 year at college first, especially as he is very young for the year (both physically and mentally - they all grow up at different rates). A level 2 course would be a good way of exploring an area he wants to peruse and give him that bit longer in a structured environment.

Apprenticeships vary but can’t treat the young person as an adult, some are ready for this at 16, a lot are not!