Social life if your 18/19 year old didn't go to university

[sheepdogdelight]

18 year old DS has not gone to university but most of his friends have. He used to be very sociable (lots of "hanging out" after school and some sort of party/gathering most weekends) but of the people he used to socialise with only 2 are still in the area and both of these are mostly busy with other commitments. I think he's been out about 3 times since September; one of those being mid term when all the university people came home for the weekend.

He has a job but most of his colleagues are middle aged and work from home so he only knows them virtually and probably wouldn't mix with them socially anyway.
He chats to his old school friends a lot on social media, but again its virtual.

I'm getting slightly worried that my previously very sociable child is spending a lot of time sat in his room and only communicating virtually. I've suggested he joins local activity clubs to get to know more young people, but he's not interested.

I know he is an adult and am absolutely leaving him to sort this out himself but just wondered if others had similar experiences with their young adult becoming isolated after leaving school?

Oh dear - that must be hard, particularly after the isolation of lockdown.

Even though not going to university would he be against all learning activity? It seems to me an in person (not virtual) course of some kind might bring him into contact with more like-minded people of his own age. Does his job have routes to promotion? Something related, if so. If not then he’d be wise to start training his way into something else!

Thanks for your reply. His job is actually an apprenticeship so he's doing study as part of that - but it's all distance learning, so again not coming into contact with physical people! From a career perspective it's perfect for him, just not so great from the social side :(

My nearly 19 year old is in the exact same position. He is doing a degree
Apprenticeship which he loves but he missed his friends terribly. He talks to them a lot on Xbox etc and he has been up to see them a few times as luckily his closest friends are we uni together in the same town. He can work from home as much as he wants but he chooses to go into the office at least two or three times a week and he is slowly getting to know some of the other apprentices and they have started a WhatsApp group and go for a drink very occasionally as hard to get them all in the office together.

My son was in the sane position. He did a degree apprenticeship he use to go to see his friends at their university and stay the weekend with them. Could he meet up with people on his online apprenticeship course. As a side note my son is now 25 has no debt a reasonable amount of savings and has reconnected with most of his friends who have now moved back home. He says it is the best thing her ever did sticking at the degree course and having no student loan

The young people I know in that situation either go to the gym; swim or lifeguard; are musical and play in bands or go to local studios; volunteer according to their interests eg dog walking for the local rescue. There must be some interest he can turn into RL interactions. Although I realise you can't force him but maybe you can approach him from his 'interest' rather than focusing on socialising.

How about joining a gym? My Dd has made lots of friends through the gym who she now sees socially.

My DS is in a similar position. He's spent a few weekends visiting friends at Unis and I think that's helped. Can he buy himself a Railcard and make some plans for the New Year?

I would suggest joining something like a football team or band or was there something he enjoyed as a child or teen he could now volunteer with ?

How about a bar job

Pubs are crying out for bar tenders. Especially in a Friday sat night.

Find one that employees a lot of youngsters

I did that when I needed money as well as a normal job. It was like a night out but getting paid for it.

I was also going to suggest a bar job. Very social and a paid night out.

How's he getting on now @sheepdogdelight?

Does he not have friends outside of university? I didn’t go to uni and had one or two friends from school. Sounds like he might have to join some other type of clubs to make friends sports or something.
Don’t worry as he gets older and starts actually working physical contact with people he will make new friends
what about the weekend job? If he is happy then leave him be maybe he’s tired
can he not visit his friends at uni weekends?