Advice urgently needed

[Panic71]

I’ve named changed for this post as I’m mortified.
DS is 15 and dating 16 year old girl.
Had lots of conversations about online safely and consent and what’s ok as what’s not. But clearly I’ve failed as just found LOTS of sexting texts with topless photos.
it’s hard to tell what’s sexting and what’s possibly really happening but they are clearly touching each other.
Im just not sure how to deal with it. The photos need to go. Do I tell him to ask her to delete them or tell her parents? I know she has a tricky relationship with them so I don’t want to embarrass her. The photos are all semi nudes - standing in bra etc
Feel sick about the sexting too!

Massively at risk? By a 16 year old girl? You need to seriously calm down and be reasonable. Just talk to your son.

Taking, downloading and sharing of indecent images of anyone under 18 is the illegal bit.

@MuthaHubbard yes it is but context is also important. He's a 15 year old that I'm assuming has been sent nudes by his 16 year old gf. This is pretty standard stuff not predatory behaviour. It's nothing to panic over.
If OP is worried about DS sharing the images around then that needs to be another conversation but if that conversation is already been had I don't really see what the issue is. It's teens being teens nothing more.

The law is the law, teens or not. I've had cases where when split, things have got nasty and both parties charged - one for taking and sending the photos and the other for having it on their phone. One where phone has been taken by schoolfriends and photos shared on WhatsApp groups etc. Another where shared online as revenge. Etc etc
I would very much rather be safe and advise against it

You do nothing and stay out of it

surely by 15/16 they are entitled to some privacy and not to have a parent reading personal messages between a gf and bf

These are perfect examples of "laid back" parenting that allows CHILDREN to get into all sorts of problems.

My son is recently 16 and has he been having these conversations with him for a long time now. How we do not send nudes and ideally we do. It receive them either! Basically the perils and the pitfalls

However as he's now 16 I try and stay at a distance as I really wouldn't want to read any sexting stuff so my chats with him emphasise keeping safe and being respectful etc etc

You say you're is just 15? I'd be rather unhappy so I hear you OP. He's closer to 14 than he is to 16 and you do need to keep communication open. You need to know he's safe and behaving as responsibly as any of them at this age behave!

So my advice is basically to chat to him. Keep talking and let him know he can always approach you with any question or issue , no matter what it is

It's all you can do really. Oh and at his age I'd be insisting his phone comes out of his bedroom at bedtime.

So try and be calm as what he's doing is normal but also be vigilant because you don't just wash your hands of this stuff if you're a decent parent. Privacy is important but so is safeguarding

www.gov.uk/government/publications/indecent-images-of-children-guidance-for-young-people/indecent-images-of-children-guidance-for-young-people

Good advice. I think you are right to be involved and concerned. He is v young and children start doing stuff that they are really too young to handle. But yes there is not a lot you can do in so far as they will get up to stuff if they want to. But talking about consent etc is good- little and often. It’s such a difficult age for both boys and girls and I don’t think they are equipped to start a sexual relationship at just 15 personally

Thank you
you’ve summed up just how I’m feeling.

Thank you.
the phone is going at night, I should have done that a while ago. Big conversation this evening!

Either the pics are nude or they are not.

First you said they were nude, then just in underwear, which is it?

A bra is no different to a bikini - you are overreacting as she is 16.

I don't think you're overreacting about nude pics, they are illegal and there's a range of possibly severe consequences from hacks, leaks and revenge porn to police involvement. It's not worth it.

Yes you need t deal with it and suffer the pain of the hard conversation. Bottom line is any pics like that under 16 are a massive risk and more to him....no repercussions until it goes wrong and police get involved....often they take a pragmatic approach but do you really want to navigate that? Good luck

Please do t take this the wrong way

But I'm a police officer. Making, taking , and distributing underage pics is a criminal offence -
Now this happens all the time
We generally deal with it by education, a sexting course - we do t criminalise it - but you really need to have a conversation.
These pictures could land both of them in some hot water .

Anyone under 18 , taking , making or distributing- even if it's their own image - is an offence . Talk to him.

You need to speak with him as they are both children and the images are therefore potentially indecent images of children that they are in possession of.

Please don’t get angry or threaten them- it will achieve nothing other than destroying your relationship with your son.
He is growing up and needs your support to be reminded about contraception and the risks of sending images. Going ballistic won’t work.

Sometimes people are quite slack on here.
Yes it's 'normal' for teens to experiment but you are right. The pictures are considered Youth Produced Sexual Imagery, and yes it is illegal to send or receive them technically.
The police won't do anything as they are both presumably consenting and similar age, but you need to tell DS of the risks and also get him to get to delete. She is putting herself at risk.

And yes, I think it's entirely appropriate to check his phone if you are concerned. The amount of parents I work with where such shocking stuff happens online and they're like 'what do you want me to do, check his phone?' Yes actually. He is still a child under your roof so yeah, do.