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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenager not going out enough

14 replies

BeingSilly2022 · 14/12/2022 17:07

Think I'm being silly but it's really bothering me. My 17 year old daughter has a good group of friends at school, doing very well academically and generally a very happy personality.

However, she doesn't go out much with her friends at weekends or during the holidays and seems to prefer hanging out with me and my friends. I know this is a problem that many parents would love to have but how can I encourage her to start mixing more with her own age group and broadening her social circle?

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/12/2022 17:14

My dd is like this. She is ASD though.

Ponderingwindow · 14/12/2022 17:16

Some people are quieter.

does she have the option to hang out with friends at home. Sometimes even teenagers prefer to sit and talk, play board games, or watch movies instead of partying.

PhotoDad · 14/12/2022 17:16

My advice would be, don't force it. I know others might differ! My DD was like that in sixth form. Different story in uni where she spends all her time with her friends!

Lovemusic33 · 14/12/2022 17:19

My dd was like this through 6 form. She has ASD and can be quite lazy at the weekends, doesn’t really like making plans with friends. She started uni in September and now has a great social life and doesn’t want to come home.

I think teenagers are generally a lot less sociable than we were at that age, it’s easy to stay in touch with friends without leaving the house (phone, social media).

Ylvamoon · 14/12/2022 17:23

Oh, I could have written your post- my DD is 18 and is currently taking a gap year.

So most friends are actually at uni...
We are counting down to September, when she'll go to far far away uni.
Unfortunately the only offer she currently has is the local one! 🤦🏽‍♀️

So any tips are welcome!

Topseyt123 · 14/12/2022 17:29

I was like this at the same age. I quite simply didn't want to go out, and felt intimidated in the company of other teenagers. I am still not a particularly sociable person now and I am 56. I probably never will be, but I am happy with that. I am a home buddy.

Don't force it. She may adapt a little if or when she goes to uni, or she may not. As long as she is happy then that is what counts. I hated people trying to push me to go out when I just didn't want to go.

Precipice · 14/12/2022 17:55

Surely she's mixing with them every weekday. Why can't she relax at home on the weekends? Perfectly normal.

Afterfire · 14/12/2022 18:02

Don’t say anything. Maybe she just doesn’t want to! That’s fine.

Sunnytwobridges · 14/12/2022 18:50

My DD was like this, she was very shy and didn't know how maintain friendships so never hung out with friends on the weekend once she became a teen. I know she was miserable and lonely, but I didn't really know what to do about it. She was involved in lots of sports so at least she had that interaction but i could tell it wasn't enough for her.

When she went to college it was a different story. She made friends with her sports teammates and always had something to do on the weekends. Now that she's not in college anymore she's back to not doing much on the weekends but it's not as bad, she goes out around two saturdays a month.

I never went out on the weekends when i was a teen, i was a homebody and introvert and i enjoyed hanging out with my family. I think it depends on the kid.

lovealotbear · 14/12/2022 19:01

I could have written this post. My dd is 17 and currently at the local sixth form college, I was hoping the transition from school to sixth form would mean she would branch out and meet more people. However she just goes in for lessons and does not hang out with anyone. She is never out evenings or weekends and does not want to invite anyone over. She is very shy, but when I speak to her tutors she is doing really well at College and gets on with those in her class.

I think Covid did not help that this age group are able to communicate from their phones and never need to leave the house and have got used to it. I am hoping that once she goes to Uni that she will find her tribe and become more confident. I try not to nag as know there are worse issues to have as she is well behaved, considerate and working hard academically, but do worry that she is missing out. So no advice but I do empathise.

MolesOnPoles · 14/12/2022 19:03

I was like this, and I was totally happy with it.

My mum making it reallly clear that she thought I was socially inadequate made me feel like shit though.

JellyfishandShells · 14/12/2022 19:20

My DD2 was like this, which surprised us as her 2 years older sister had had a busy social life on non school nights. She ( DD2) was a friendly and confident girl who had had a good social life up to 6th form.

Two things seemed to influence this : Unlike her sister who had stayed at her (different) school, DD2’s went to a 6th form college that was much further away than her school, took in a wide geographical spread, and the new friends she made were quite tricky to get to. The other was that she was very young in the year, looked very baby faced, and only turned 18 right at the end of upper 6th. The clubs and pubs around here ( outer London ) were being very hot at the time on underage admission, let alone drinking, so she was less able to go to the popular young spots. She was very sporty so weekend days were taken up with this,

We worried that she was otherwise just hanging in her room on her own, but she said she was happy.

She more than made up for it when she went to University the following year- said later it was the right time for her to enjoy everything. So can just be timing and circumstance.

SpotlessMind88 · 14/12/2022 19:29

MolesOnPoles · 14/12/2022 19:03

I was like this, and I was totally happy with it.

My mum making it reallly clear that she thought I was socially inadequate made me feel like shit though.

I completely agree. I was exactly the same. I don't understand the issue people have with others that don't want to go out.
i was and still am a home body, my mum would constantly tell me to go out, venture out etc like something was wrong with me and it made me feel like shit.

Featheryboa · 15/12/2022 11:09

Its difficult, but if she seems very happy then that's ok.
I could also have written the same about my dd, and do worry how she will cope leaving home.

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