Read DS13 phone

[Troubledteen]

Related to another post I made a few hours ago...

I spotted on the phone tracker that DS was on her phone when she should've been asleep. This has been a huge deal for us recently, as there's been a lot of lying about what's she's doing in her phone and when it's being switched off, etc.

Anyway, I went in and took it off her, but the screen was unlocked. I took it to my room and couldn't help but look at the conversations with some friends on SM.

I saw messages that says she's been feeling low and had suicidal thoughts and that she's been feeling this way for months. Thankfully, the messages were to a lovely young man, who was kind and sweet, and for 13, said all of the right things.

She also told him she's been meeting a boy at school in break times to kiss. She said today he 'put his hands on her ass and tried to pull her pants down'

She said it made him angry when she didn't want him to and it made her feel horrible. There were messages off this boy asking her to FaceTime him and do 'stuff' - but she 'wouldn't like it'. I can only imagine. Thankfully she sad no.

I mean - WTF 😳

I'm shocked and feel sick.

What do I do with all of this?! I don't even know where to start. I've never looked at her phone before , but couldn't help myself as I've been so worried about her.

I guess GP. My DD has found CAHMS helpful, but I know not everyone else has.
This charity might be worth a look too, it has information both for parents and children.
www.youngminds.org.uk/

Thanks Beamur.

I have been in touch with school, however, still waiting for a call back.

Had a good chat with DD about consent today, following telling her about a programme I'd seen on Ch4. She was very clued up and strong minded, which was confusing. She can clearly talk the talk, but not quite yet walk the walk.

She shared that she's feeling not quite right, but doesn't know why. I suspect it's a range of things - but hoping to keep the conversation going.

Thanks for holding my hand

we went through all this at 14 with our daughter and it took us into a very dark place. A lot due to low self esteem and issues with social media. It got better for a while but has now reared its head again two years later. She is having therapy, private, but puts too much of her self esteem based on male attention. I feel for you and know how heartbreaking it is. If you can get her therapy. We are still waiting for Camhs appt. Children are being exposed to too much too young and even with restrictions they are being influenced by online things unfortunately

Low mood is also certainly associated with her periods, as things are so much worse before she's due on.

I had this as a teenager. I was depressed but also had horrific PMT which was tipping me over the edge. Going on the pill helped massively.

I think you're focussing on the wrong thing at the moment. Suicidal feelings trump school refusal issues. Get her healthy first then worry about her attendance later.

Back to the GP for a meds review and referral to talking therapy. Push for assessment for ADHD.

Get her to do the Women's Aid Freedom Program. She's in an abusive relationship with this Mr. Popular boy. It's not perfect, they won't tell her she should leave him, they'll accept whatever she decides as being "ok" even though it really isn't, but will try to open her eyes to it all.

You'll have to help her see sense. You could talk in a general way about how it's easier to heal from a hard time when you can focus solely on yourself and not have to take someone else's feelings into consideration, so it's better not to be dating at the moment. Although "dating" isn't really correct in this instance, it's more like sexual exploitation.

I'd talk to the school about what's happening. He's taking advantage of a mentally unwell underage teen. It's happening on their premises so there must be something they can do even if it's just more patrols of the hidden areas where this stuff goes on.

If she's to be assessed for ADHD, be aware that the waiting lists are astronomical for it right now, in my area it's currently three years long.

It's soul destroying.