Daughter lied about staying at friends house

[Mother1682]

My 16 year old daughter has recently got a boyfriend (6 weeks ago) and has been spending all her spare time with him and when they arent together they are on facetime. This is her first boyfriend. I raised it with her that i was worried it was getting too serious too quickly. This resulted in an argument and we have now agreed she can see him twice a week however he wont come to our house as he doesnt like the rules we have set so she always goes to his house. She asked a few weeks back if she could stay at his house overnight and i said no. She has now asked if she can stay at her friends house this weekend but i said no as she is working early next day. She asked if she could stay the following night and i offered to pick her up the next day but she said she would make her own way home. I questioned her on this and asked if she was staying at his house and she never answered and just stormed away and now wont talk to me. Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this situation? TIA

I think you're being too strict. Twice a week? And what are these house rules he doesn't like? I understand your concerns but I feel she's going to keep lying if you keep being so strict. You're pushing her away. Don't you remember being 16 and in love?

I'm sure you did the same when you were younger

I'm an ideal world none of us want to admit our children are having sex.

But she's 16.

Talk to her about consent - proper consent. Safety messages and ways to get you if needs be. Discuss contraception.

Much better she does whatever she's going to do openly and safely than sneaks around behind your back and can't come to you if she needs to because the lines of communication are closed.

Tell her, a bf who encourages her to lie to and deceive her parents is not acting in her best interests. I'd also be seriously concerned about what " strict rules" at your house he refuses to comply with :-(

As her mother, you need to protect her from BF insidious manipulations and control . I would say, she can see BF at your home only, and when an adult is present in the building.

She will kick off but don't give in. Far safer for YOU to accept the title of cruel unreasonable bitch, and let the abuse roll off you, than for her to come to any harm.

From experience, there are times a parent has to play the ogre to give their teen a face-saving get-out excuse (from a social situation they got themselves into and now want to get out of but don't know how).

No way would I allow my 16 year old DD to stay overnight, I can't believe majority of posters on here would encourage that and calling you strict !

Overnight is irrelevant. If they are having sex, they are having sex.
I think you need to talk to his parents.

At 16 I was lying about staying over at a friends when was actually with a boy. It’s legal so what’s the problem? As long as they’re using contraception?

I echo the advice of talk about contraception , consent , what behaviour to expect in a respectful relationship .

If you are not comfortable having him stay at yours , tell her this . It's her home but your house and you choose who spends time in your house . It's where you relax and not unreasonable .

Get to know him , they are less likely to lie if they feel you accept them together .

But mostly accept contraception is needed , at this age they are hormone led and don't make the best decisions .

Btw what rules doesn't he like ?