Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Do all teens talk to their parents like this?

36 replies

hankmarvin · 31/01/2008 13:37

I have 2 daughters, one is in her early 20s and the other is 14. My youngest talks to me like I'm something the cat has dragged in. When she comes in from school I ask her "did you have a nice day?" and she shouts "oh! shut up and stop going on!"

If she see's me having a laugh with anyone she says "stop showing off" and embarrases me.

If I mishear her she says "god! duh! get your hearing aid in!"

If I'm talking to her she puts her hand up in front of my face and says "don't talk to me, your breathe stinks".

Apart from this I get insulted, called big bum, dopey, docile etc.

I get on great with my eldest daughter now but when she was a teen she used to talk to me the same way. Other people have said they wouldn't tolerate it but I assumed they were all like this?

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiLand · 31/01/2008 17:15

'you are so sue' eh? I mean 'you are so rude'

Crap spelling all over that post, sorry

Janni · 31/01/2008 20:37

I have a feeling that the solution to this also starts at a much younger age. I can't believe that a child who speaks respectfully when little SUDDENLY turns into this hideous being on hitting 13. Or am I being naive? My oldest is 11...

mumeeee · 31/01/2008 21:25

I have 3 DDs 20, 18 and 16. They have all been through teenage strops and door slamming. The 18 year old can be very stroppy ( espcialy in the mornings) and will tell me to stop going on. But none of them have ever talked to me like that and they don't call me names.

Blandmum · 31/01/2008 21:28

Changes in mood are normal, but she has no right to take her moods out on you. None at all.

Putting up with these sorts of comments isn't being understanding, it is being a doormat.

No semblance of polite behaviour. No cash, She'll learn

WendyWeber · 31/01/2008 21:32

Like suedonim I'm on my 4th teenager and none of them have ever spoken to either of us like that.

They have stropped and flounced and argued and slammed doors sometimes, but they have always been basically civil to us (and so have we to them).

I think you should tell her that in future you will just blank her completely when she is rude to you - ie ignore her rudeness and behave as if she is not there - and withdraw all privileges until she is polite to you again. She can cook her own meals, do her own laundry, organise her own transport. She deserves nothing from you until she treats you with respect.

Freckle · 31/01/2008 21:35

I agree with mb. She's only like this because you allow her to be. Presumably there are no adverse consequences when she speaks to you in this way?

What does her sister say? Has she witnessed this behaviour? Very often teenagers will take more notice of those closer in age to them than they will their parents.

missingtheaction · 31/01/2008 21:39

i suspect that many of them would like to talk like this, or think like this, or say these things to their mates behind our backs. unfortunately, letting them do it doesn't make them like us, and lets them grow up into rather nasty people. I have an endless exhausting uphill struggle with one of my teens preventing her from descending to this level.

i think vacua's appraoch is perfect - 'treat me like shit and I won't do a thing for you

treat me with the courtesy I extend to you and we'll live happily ever after'

but isn't it horrid when our dc used to think we were perfect and magical, and now they think we are wrinkly irrelevant dinosaurs?

Janni · 31/01/2008 23:08

BUT - any surveys of teenagers I've read always say how much they secretly rely on their parents and need to know that they're there, wrinkly and irrelevant as ever

suedonim · 01/02/2008 20:32

Wendy, nooooooo! I'm not quite onto my 4th teenager! I shall have another teen in just over a year's time so I'm making the most of dd still being sweet and cuddly.

fizzbuzz · 01/02/2008 20:41

She sounds very rude, aside from normaly teenage stroppiness.

Telling someone their breath smells is a personal and impolite comment. Not one made by adults.

I teach hundreds of teenagers, very very few behave like this. What is she like at school? I agree with the poster who said I'd give her something to be really embarrased about. (Or is that descending to her level?)

My ds 14 would never ever speak to me like that.....although he did tell me I was always on a diet but never looked any thinner...

deste · 01/02/2008 21:15

My DD is 21 and has never spoken to me like that. I think I would be so upset if she did. She now lives away from home and wants me down whenever I can get away. I'm not exactly a young mother either. I had her in my late thirties but age has never been an issue. I'm sorry for you but you have to take control. I hope things get better.

Flip

1 2