DS14 disrespecting teachers

[Bedbouncer]

I just had a message from one of DS's teachers complaining about how he speaks to her and that he is not being respectful. This isn't the first time. A few months ago we had a similar conversation with a different teacher. After the first incident, his dad and I made it clear that it wasn't acceptable and he was banned from gaming for a couple of days. I was hoping that would be that. There is some context in that we suspect DS has ASD. His dad almost certainly has - his sister is a specialist nurse for people with ASD in another European country & she is convinced he is on the spectrum- and DS shares many of the characteristics. I am not sure whether or not to try and get him a diagnosis, or whether to discuss it with the school. I don't want to make excuses for unacceptable behaviour- but then again, if struggling with social interactions and appropriate interactions is part of being ND, maybe the school should be aware. Help!

He insists he did - I do believe him, it's something he would say - but I can also imagine him saying it in a cocky manner.

ok from you’ve said yourself about him he can be cocky and sarcastic when speaking to adults, I don’t think that’s anything to do with ASD. You need to crack down big time on manners and tone of voice. Consequences are the way forward.

Op

he seems to be developing a really very unpleasant way of communicating. “Cocky”, “Sarky”

I wouldn’t be spending my time navel having about whether or not the teacher (s) have given you an accurate picture.

I would be seriously researching private assessment (otherwise you’ll have a 2/3 year wait) and discussing with you son and husband how this is going to be addressed, change and the implications of no effort is made to move away from cocky sarkiness to his teachers and parents

That is so unbelievably rude! He needs to learn some respect for authority. The potential autism is not really relevant imo, it’s still not acceptable.

The potential autism is absolutely relevant if his tone and manner are coming across to authority figures as rude and disrespectful.

Either he is ASD and therefore can be taught the 'socially acceptable' way to talk to people (and also needs a diagnosis so that his manner can be understood and not punished with phonecalls home)

Or

He's just a teenage twat and needs some discipline.

Clearly the autism is significantly relevant.

He's not unreasonable to think what he did but he is unreasonable to interrupt. Voicing it directly to the teacher rather than moaning quietly to the person sat next to him sounds like he could have ASD. If you want the school to give him some leeway then I would pursue a diagnosis but in the meantime I would tell him only to interrupt the teacher if there was a serious situation like someone passed out and that being hungry is annoying but not an emergency even though his stomach feels like it.

Tbh he is having you on. You say he is sarky and lippy to you and his dad. You have been told he is disrespectful to his teachers. All this crap about Please may you stop talking is just that. A load of nonsense. I think you know that OP.