DD 14 refusing to wash hair - don't know what to do

[Peekachoo9]

My DD is 14 (15 in Feb). She has not washed her hair in 3.5 weeks. This is because she straightened it "for a change" in half term and now does not want it to go back curly. She has the most beautiful curly hair but just wants to be like everyone else and have straight/none frizzy hair. I understand where she is coming from but I don't know what to do to help.

Her hair is naturally dry so using the straighteners every day will be bad for the condition (which she knows).

Both her Dad and I have tried persuading her to shower/wash hair but she just says she will do it and then doesn't.

I don't know whether to stop trying to persuade her and let her work it out for herself, but how much longer can she go on with dirty hair? Or, do I remove the straighteners but as she is going through a very defiant phase at present, I worry that she will refuse to go to school.

Anyone had similar and have any suggestions?
Thank you

It's a myth that lice like dirty hair.

Yes, I wondered how effective those treatments were nowadays. A friend had it done years ago and her hair wasn't even curly to begin with, just slightly wavy. I honestly couldn't tell the difference, her hair just seemed a bit more of a frazzled texture.

Never said it wasn't

Thank you to everyone again for all the really helpful messages and things to look in to. I will follow these all up (and useful Christmas gift ideas too 😊). It really helps to know that 3-4 hours is excessive - I assumed it was just what it was. Someone mentioned a Steampod - I have never heard of that - another one to research - thank you.

To pick up on peoples queries:
I haven't posted a picture as it would be outing but the comments on hair care work.

So possibly you really really liking her straight hair?
I actually really do like her hair straight - it suits her just as much as curly. If we can get it washed and cut down on the drying/straightening time then it is her choice what she does with her hair.

What is her hair type?
Very thick and very curly. Long when dry and longer when wet.

Could a hair dresser thin her hair out or give tips? - her hair has been thinned and we do ask for tips.
Is she watching YouTube for tips? - Tiktok and Instagram but yes to tips.

Why on gods earth does it take her so long to straightener her hair?!
Due to the length and thickness, it was the process of sectioning it and drying the under layers, then the top layers, then doing the same with straightening. I have learnt from this thread that there are better ways which might not take as long.

Thank you all again.

@Mischance If she leaves it unwashed she is likely to get itchy dandruff and get fed up with it herself. If you play it cool now and stand back she can back down and wash it when that happens. If you make an issue of it now she will find it hard to back down.
This is my thinking as well - along with all those who said pick your battles.
I can combine this with all the other help so that we don't end up back in the same place next time.

Tempting - but suspect it would not be good for our future relationship 😂

Take her to hairdressers and get the treatment done that straightens hair, it lasts for 4-5 months
then she can wash it, it must smell, god teenagers

At this stage I do want to avoid the permanent solution. I had this done myself as an adult and my hair was never the same again. Mixing it in with all the hormone changes at this age, I am not sure it would be a good thing and she may in the future wish to change her mind.

I'd agree - on the scale of teenage rebellion hair styles/habits is eminently bearable. So long as the outcome is within (sensible) school rules then let the rest go.

A dry scalp may even benefit from a low intensity shampoo regime - its worth looking at. Suggest she logs the optimum point for her scalp for future reference and let her get on with it.

Get her hair relaxed.

Stop fighting with her over it, and stop talking about her beautiful curly hair.

When I wanted to curl my hair I had my hairdresser teach me how to do it having seen too many people lose chunks of hair doing it. Watching YouTube videos is all well and good but they may not have my type of hair. So not only did she curl my hair but gave me the curling iron to wrap my hair round myself.

I would get a mobile hairdresser to come to your house, with your DD's hair washed and conditioned and still wet, have her sit with a hairdresser who can teach both you and your DD how to dry her hair with your DD actually doing it herself and maybe you doing it too. Then move onto how to section and straighten her hair. At this time you can also discuss protecting her hair from the heat.

My hairdresser can blow dry my wavy hair poker straight without straighteners but will tell you it is very difficult to do on your own hair due to back of the head and angles. If you can learn to straighten her hair safely then it could be a really good thing for her.

What about the keratin treatment at the hairdressers? I did that before going to Florida - it lasted ages!

Honestly I'd leave her to work it out and stop going on about it - there are bigger battles and she'll soon learn that smelly hair is not a desirable trait.

Offer to take her.to a good hairdresser (say Toni &Guy), and get it washed and straightened.

She can watch them to see how they do it (it will be a lot quicker than 4 hours and more like 1 hour in total)

Like other’s have said, get good heat protection and spray on dry shampoo for non-wash days.