DD's driving lessons not going well. Should we change instructor?

[Radioten]

DD has had a handful of lessons and almost from the first lesson has had negative comments from the instructor which have upset her. I've ended up messaging the instructor to find out if they actually want to continue teaching DD. They have responded and said that they did not mean the comments negatively and were trying to find out what they could do to help, questioning if she was really interested in driving - because she's behind where she should be.

I'm happy to accept DD's interpretation of comments might be different to how they were intended but even if my DD is proving slow to learn, is there such a thing as a typical schedule for learning to drive? DD's had 7 lessons.

Change instructors.

I wish DS ad spoken to us about his instructor, I feel we may have just thrown our money down the drain, we spent £££ & DS lost so much confidence he no longer wants to learn.

It just seems strange as DD is my second child and I know of lots of other teens who have been nervous or less keen drivers initially who have managed to pass their test and enjoy driving. I didn't think it was that uncommon to be learning at varying rates. It's a brand new skill and not an easy one to master. I remember not loving driving until I'd got over that hump where you realise you are able to drive without thinking about your feet anymore. The learning curve must vary hugely between each student.

Do it. I wasted 20 lessons with an instructor I didn't click with - assumed it was me. He double-booked me once which was the final straw. Second chap was miles better

I had a really awful first instructor. I stuck with him longer than I should because he got one of my siblings through a test (miracle in itself tbh, terrible driver). He just gave me no guidance whatsoever and I didn't know how or why I was doing most things. I thought I would never get the hang of it. Switched instructors and it was an immediate change, I finally understood everything and got to test standard very quickly.

I wouldn't stick with someone your DD doesn't vibe with, it's just throwing money down the drain.

Another vote for change instructor. I spent the best part of 9 months with an instructor who was negative and who I didn't click with. I made absolutely no progress and this was 2 hour weekly lessons! - shattered my confidence and thought I'd never get the hang of it. Switched to a lovely instructor and had my test booked and passed within 6weeks.

I went through about 5 instructors before I settled on one who was brilliant & passed first time despite being a very anxious learner initially. Recommended him to my brother who couldn't stand him and changed after 3 lessons! You do have to 'click' with an instructor I think.

I’d recommend changing now. Been there myself before if you don’t click with the instructor and get on it will impact how they learn

My DD had 2 lessons with a highly recommended instructor and ended up in tears saying she will never be able to drive.
Luckily another instructor who didn’t have space but where she had been on the wait list got in touch and we managed to persuade her to give it another go.
She has taken to it like a duck to water and not only loved it but was ready for her test (according to the instructor) in 10 lessons. Unfortunately there are no text slots until March but she looks forward to her lessons now and it’s actually boosted her confidence generally too

Change instructors. Book loads of trial lessons. You're looking for the right person who makes your DD relaxed enough to learn.

I thought I'd never be a driver. I had lessons on and off for years without progressing. Then, I found Instructor Number Six, and we got on like a house on fire, and I passed in a couple of months, easy peasy.

It's all about finding the person who gives you confidence instead of taking it away.

I've recently had this. Instructor who seemed fine completely turned on me on about lesson 5 because I wasn't getting things on his timeline. Nasty temper too, has really put me off.

It's a red flag when driving instructors question whether their student really wants to learn to drive in my opinion - it's the sign of a driving instructor who doesn't know how to teach their student to tackle something they're finding hard. I'd change instructor if I was you OP.

ds learnt just after lockdowns when finding the end of a rainbow was easier than finding an instructor. So we took a chance on an instructor who was free but we had heard a few negative stories about (made pupils cry) and never a recommendation. He was old school very firm but fair, ds got on fine with him and passed first time 26 x 1 hr lessons later.

Whether it is the instructor or your dd it doesn't matter, they are simply not clicking which will make it stressful for your dd and harder to learn so try another instructor.

change

Bullies can easily pass their comments off as having been innocuous.

Definitely switch! I spent so much time and money on an instructor that came so highly recommended by loads of people, but didn't work for me. I thought the problem was all me. It wasn't. I spectacularly failed my test and my instructor made a joke on the ride home about how I messed up his pass rate stats.

It made me feel awful and it took a really long time to get enough confidence to get behind the wheel again.

I find driving instructors can be awful. I had one as a teen who basically bullied me and then dumped me when I failed. He totally knocked my confidence and I didn't return to driving until my 20s. I wish I had told my parents, some of the things he did and said are shocking looking back on it.

I passed my test last year at 37 years old. I got my first provisional at 17 and the biggest difference to last year as opposed to all the times before that I'd tried to learn and given up was the instructor. I had just not gelled with my previous ones and yet my last instructor Lee, was brilliant. Told me off gently when I was being gormless, gave praise when it was due and didn't mind me swearing when I cocked up!!

If she's not getting along with him then change now.

Honestly, I had the biggest arsehole going when I was 19. I'm sad to say he put me off for years before I tried again. I went through another two Instructors (promise it wasn't me). Second one took me to a red light district and said "look at those filthy slags" Well that was him gone.

Third one was still a bit of a twat at times (but much more bearable and less purposeful wanker more haphazard meant well wanker).

Always change if getting upset over it.