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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 yo daughter came out as gay

14 replies

mygirl10 · 16/11/2022 08:09

When she told me, I was very supportive and told her how proud of her I was.

I had noticed her friend group diminishing, not invited to much anymore, didn't have a birthday party this year despite me trying to arrange one for her, just kept putting it off.

Most of her friends have their first boyfriends now, she told me she had a crush on a girl, but the other girl is straight, so nothing will happen there.

I said all the right things and she seemed almost non-plussed about it, and said she was glad I was okay about it, but I now notice her being really down in herself, and now I am feeling so sad about it, and I don't know why.

I honestly would never have guessed.

How do I support her ?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 16/11/2022 08:25

It sounds like her friends have all gone their separate ways because of their boyfriends rather than because she's gay.

Does she have any hobbies?

Original poster
mygirl10 · 16/11/2022 09:22

She has lots of hobbies, the girl she had/has a crush on is from one of those hobbies.

Her friends are all getting together and she is still on their friend chat groups, and either she has pulled back or she just doesn't fit in anymore. She had told her friends before telling me, so they all know and she said are supportive.

OP posts:
JazbayGrapes · 16/11/2022 09:35

she needs to try new stuff, meet new people. Just try to protect her from the LGBTQ+ brigade.

Seveninfour · 16/11/2022 09:43

I think friendship groups wax and wane at this age, my 15 yo DD is going through something similar, not related to her sexuality. It may just be a ‘15’ thing.

Original poster
mygirl10 · 16/11/2022 10:01

JazbayGrapes · 16/11/2022 09:35

she needs to try new stuff, meet new people. Just try to protect her from the LGBTQ+ brigade.

@JazbayGrapes, can I ask you what you mean by that ? not in a defensive way at all, but I think you may be hitting the nail on the head as to why I feel the way I do, but I just can't seem to articulate what is is I am feeling.

OP posts:
nolongersurprised · 16/11/2022 10:07

My daughter is (probably) gay, she’s nearly 15. She hasn’t said, “I like girls” but that she “isn’t straight” and all of her movie/celeb crushes are on women. We couldn’t care less, of course.

She’s had a difficult year for a number of reasons but I do worry that not having reciprocated crushes is part of it. on the other hand, she works 10 hours/week and swims competitively, so she may well have more going on that I know about. I hope so!

AutumnDragon · 16/11/2022 10:59

Does your local town have a pride group or a gay bar? If so, it might be worth contacting them to see if they know any local groups for young people who are recently out / struggling with coming out etc. Your DD might then be able to meet like minded youngsters in a safe environment and be able to talk to others going through the same issues.

Chrispackhamspoodle · 16/11/2022 11:10

Maybe she doesn't feel like she fits with her friends anymore?Same happened to my daughter in year 9.Came out and then moved away from her friendship group.She is much happier now she has found a group of girls who get her .She just grew up and found out who she was.

girlmom21 · 16/11/2022 11:39

AutumnDragon · 16/11/2022 10:59

Does your local town have a pride group or a gay bar? If so, it might be worth contacting them to see if they know any local groups for young people who are recently out / struggling with coming out etc. Your DD might then be able to meet like minded youngsters in a safe environment and be able to talk to others going through the same issues.

It doesn't sound like she's struggling with being gay or coming out

Tinner01 · 18/11/2022 18:12

Op you might find more info in the lgbt kids section :)

Shlo · 18/11/2022 18:17

we were very non fazed when DS came out as bisexual. We just said something along the lines of 'oh that's nice darling" and let him get on with it. I think it's really important as others have said that you don't push them towards the LGBT groups which have an agenda.

DS is happily bisexual and a feminist with gender critical views. It isn't an easy position to be in, particularly at 17. I'm really proud of him.

Shlo · 18/11/2022 18:36

I know that isn't what you asked about but it was in response to the suggestion to find LGBT groups. I really think they're best avoided with young teens

Kim82 · 18/11/2022 18:46

I also have a 15yo dd who is gay (along with a 21yo gay ds). Dd is having similar issues with friends but she says she is the one who is backing away from the friendships as “they’re throwing themselves at ugly teenage boys” and she’s just not interested in that obviously. Totally normal for her friends to do that at 15 but she found it uncomfortable.

She has her best friend who she’s still very close with but as she was struggling a little socially we’ve recently paid for a gym membership for her which she loves and has made a group of friends there who are all into their fitness.

it might be worth asking your dd if there are any groups or hobbies she might be interested in joining to make some more like minded friends (like minded as in liking the same hobbies, not anything to do with their sexualities).

balalake · 19/11/2022 15:38

@JazbayGrapes I think may have put it in a simplistic way, though there are some things a 15 year old lesbian should be able to choose not to do without being criticised as somehow not on the side of others who are LGBT. If she wants to have no girlfriends, or only with those born female, that choice should be respected. If your DD wants to just get on with her life and not be an activist in any way, her choice too.

The comment about hobbies above is well made I think.

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