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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Taking phone off teens at night

13 replies

fedupathome · 12/11/2022 00:01

My oldest is turned 17 in September and is now at 6th form.

Since he turned 17 I've let him keep his phone on him at night. But he never wakes himself up for college, and looks tired as he's been on his phone all night.

When he gets home from college he takes a nap !

I've started taking his phone off him at night as not only is he tired but he's extremely rude and aggressive when he's not had enough sleep.

I told him a couple of nights ago I won't be waking him up for college and let him keep his phone ... and you've guessed it he didn't wake himself up.

We've had a big argument over his phone today.

Appreciate its a Friday night but he needs to get up for an online class in the morning!

Am I being too harsh taking his phone? How can I get him to self regulate?

OP posts:
MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 12/11/2022 00:03

I think its really hard. DS leaves his downstairs to charge but we've done that with him ever since he first got the phone so its never been debated. Can you turn the router off when you go to bed, or will he just use his data?

AgathaMystery · 12/11/2022 00:05

He’s 17. He cannot self regulate. No one can with a smart phone really. They are designed to be super addictive. Adults struggle never mind children.

take it off him OP, you are doing him a favour x

Allsnotwell · 12/11/2022 00:06

3 teens
all have phones overnight

They missed college only once each - or I have left and they have to walk - let them be more independent and stop the arguing!

Just because they rant doesn’t mean you have to acknowledge it!

Original poster
fedupathome · 12/11/2022 00:10

He keeps saying he's 17 he can never have anything in this house and all his friends can stay up and do what they like.

I noticed on the 2 days I took his phone off him this week there was a change in his behaviour he didn't look so tired and got out of bed quicker!

OP posts:
stayathomer · 12/11/2022 00:13

if you set up eg Google family you get told how long they’ve been on a day, it can shock them into stopping (for a while) or shock you into acting. Tbh given his age it’s a problem as he is nearly an adult so not as easy as with a younger teen. We have the same sounding issues with our 14yo. The phone is killing him. We confiscate, ban, bribe etc and the days he’s off it it’s like we have a human again. Are trying to get more family walks, board games in and movies where phone isn’t allowed and it makes me so sad how different he is. No help probably but just best of luck!

RedHelenB · 12/11/2022 08:53

I've never taken my kids phones off them at night, especially not aged 17.

TheOrigRights · 12/11/2022 08:55

Have you sat down and talked to him about how HE thinks he can solve the problem? Does he care about missing college?

mamaduckbone · 12/11/2022 20:54

Ds16 has only been allowed his phone in his room since he finished GCSEs. He can get up for 6th form and seems to be able to self-regulate reasonably well. I can't imagine taking my almost-adult's phone off him at this stage, but if he wasn't managing I probably would tbh.

toastofthetown · 12/11/2022 21:01

At 17 I don't think it's down to you to control his possessions. He could be living without you in a years time. The best way to get him to self-regulate is to let learn from consequences. As long as you are part of the process he won't learn to self regulate. He doesn't sleep well and so he's tired and loses focus. You can stop waking him up, so the consequence is felt more. He needs to know that being rude and aggressive is unacceptable no matter how much sleep he's had, and I wouldn't engage with him if he's acting like that. He's nearly an adult now, so have you asked him what his view on it is?

Ducksurprise · 12/11/2022 21:04

I'm always told that I'm unreasonable but we have a no phones in rooms overnight policy, always have, everyone does it, adults included.

I actually haven't had to enforce it since they were about 15, and they haven't asked as older teens/adults (although I would say they could, as they are adults) last time we spoke about it they said it was a relief. I also feel the same.

waterrat · 12/11/2022 21:05

As an adult i massively struggle with phone regulation as do many adults I know . Yes maybe some teens can but clearly many cant.

How about approaching him as an adult and saying look I cant force this but why dont yougive it a try...you have the day to be oj your phone I am trying to help you here

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 13/11/2022 12:12

Ducksurprise · 12/11/2022 21:04

I'm always told that I'm unreasonable but we have a no phones in rooms overnight policy, always have, everyone does it, adults included.

I actually haven't had to enforce it since they were about 15, and they haven't asked as older teens/adults (although I would say they could, as they are adults) last time we spoke about it they said it was a relief. I also feel the same.

I think that's really important actually. When DS got his phone, he couldn't really argue about leaving it downstairs because we leave our phones downstairs too.

Could you suggest it as a family challenge OP? 'We're all struggling to do this, let's do it together?'

balalake · 19/11/2022 15:46

Sometimes tough love is appropriate, this may be one. You'd think a better response than the 'all others do' could have been thought of.

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