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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How to teach my child to become more resilient

3 replies

Ivehadenough5 · 04/11/2022 08:35

Morning. My son has started high school this year. Academically he's doing OK, but socially is where he struggles. He has always struggled with reading people's social cues etc & would often when younger keep going back to someone who had been nasty to him. One even punched him in the face and he still continued to try and be friends.
We & the school had him assessed for adhd /asd but he was discharged. But there are obviously problems there.
As he's got older he has got better and was very settled in the last 2 years of primary within his friendship group.
They have all gone up to high school together, but the other boys have immediately changed how they act. Probably trying to act cool & fit in, but they have started to take the mickey out of him alot, not meet him where they are supposed to & yesterday the worst thing that could of happened his trousers split at the crotch so of course they were all hysterical laughing at him. Most of it is normal boys stuff, I wouldn't call it bullying. But it really affects my son. He gets upset at night about it and it keeps playing on his mind and now he doesn't want to go to school.
The trouble is, he just will not stand up for himself at all, even to his best mate. I've given him alot of advice but he doesn't listen. He always wants to be in the cool group too, but he isn't actually like that. He would be much better off in a group of more mature boys who are bit "geeky" and nicer in general. But he won't. How do I make him understand that these are not true friends?

OP posts:
validnumber · 05/11/2022 10:42

I'm not sure what u can do other than offer him lots of love and support.
Listen to and validate his feelings
Maybe don't offer so much advise if he isn't listening anyway for now and see how he goes.
Are there any clubs you could encourage him to join? Give him time and encouragement to find new friends and try new things and hopefully he will find new friends.
I really feel for you (and him). It's horrible to watch your kids go through this. The first year of secondary is a trying time with them all jostling to find their place.

cansu · 05/11/2022 10:47

I have seen this numerous times as a teacher. You are right that he is trying to fit in with the wrong kids. However all you can do is advise. Have you tried encouraging clubs where he might meet like minded people? Ultimately though he has to decide for himself.

IwishIwasSupermum · 05/11/2022 11:06

Doesn’t sound like he’s happy at the school, we went through this with DD and it got much worse (physical assault). The school harped on about resilience, DD is already fairly resilient but to teach her to be resilient against some of the behaviours which were bestowed upon her was not on, she may have thought it’s ok to behave like that, it’s not in my book, wasn’t prepared to take the chance, she was also steering towards the wrong crowd who didn’t accept her. We moved schools, she’s much happier and found a lovely group of friends.

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