troubled teen

[Tiredpanda]

My nearly 15 year old son has been struggling since July. At the time he had met a girl he liked and they were talking a lot and seeing each other as friends from time to time. This is when i noticed a change in his emotional well being. He started to eat less, sleep much later, on the phone most of the time and it started to affect him at school ( falling asleep in lessons).

He is a very defiant child. The more rules we put down, the more he fights. We spent the whole summer holiday without rules, just to try and see if this improves his behaviour. He had told us he is struggling but wont say why.

That friendship fizzled out and his behaviour and eating improved. He is speaking to numerous girls on snapchat, not interested in school work and he is now eating 1 meal a day, with snacks inbetween. We have tried talking, he wont talk or tell us anything but he is constantly seeking attention.... posting online that he is sad, or posting that hes sititng in the park at 7pm alone.

I'm really struggling to understand or help him as he wouldn't open up. Tried young minds who mentioned our realtionship is broken down and need to deal with that first by family counselling but our closest Relate is too far and we don't want to do it online. Local youth counselling has put him on waiting list for 6 talking sessions but what good is that when he won't open up? and only 6 sessions?

Anyone have any experience how to deal with a depressed teen who can offer some tips please?

My teens weren't longterm depressed but have had times (months) where they were low/withdrawn/not themselves. I spent quite a while worrying about it and wasn't really sure how to help. What worked quite well was "lovebombing". We arranged very frequent days out(3 or so times a week to give our teen something to look forward to) mini golf, golf driving range, bowling, climbing walls, countryside walks (lots of these), trampoline parks for teen, we got extended family (his uncle) to come too, I was trying to surround him with as many people that loved him as possible. This started to shift him to a more positive/communicative mindset. Buying gifts or presents didn't seem to work for mine, experiences and time spent together was more successful.

Also anything to involve teen in family like more, I encouraged them to come to the supermarket to pick snacks, something nice for dinner then I got them to "help" me do a salad for dinner. This meant they were in the same room as me and perhaps would open up a bit. I did try and reduce junk food and sweet levels a bit because I found my kids were in a worse mood when they ate badly.

Exercise is so important for teenage boys, running, bike riding, gym (I joined a cheap gym with my teen) and really helped mine with mood. Also getting out and about can help regulate sleep patterns. I also arranged for my teen to have friends over, cooked pizza so they could have a laugh together.

For both teens (although at different times in their lives)I enforced this plan, it was kind of like an intervention. I did explain to them that I was concerned they weren't feeling happy and I was going to do what I could to help them know that they had people around that loved them. In a way it was like parenting a toddler😣. I really limited phone use, just tried to distract them off their device. I did have quite a few sleepless nights trying to figure out how I could help them, it's very hard as a parent because you can feel so unable to reach them sometimes. I hope some of this helps, the teen years are definitely tricky.

@BlueskyBluesea good message. It is an actual effort to invest time with teens and we have to make a conscious effort to do it. Whether they are struggling or not
I find your message quite helpful.

Thank you for sharing your experience. Some of what you have tried, we have too. Dad works long hours but spends time with him as much as possible. Harder for me to do so as I have a 10 year old too. But I do try spend time with him at bedtime when I have set downtime on his phone so he can't use it.