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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My son got caught shoplifting

8 replies

Proudsinglemum · 30/10/2022 10:12

My 16 nearly 17 year old son got caught shoplifting! I’m absolutely shocked and devastated and cannot shift this horrible feeling. He’s a bright kid, smart intelligent everyone who meets him says he’s one of the nicest kids they’ve met of his generation and I have a good job and earn good money. He has a part time Saturday job smashed his GCSE’s, doing his A levels. We come from a good supportive big family so I just do not understand why he did this? He’s never been in trouble before and I thank God they didn’t call the police as it could of been a lot worse but I am just trying to understand what would posses him to do this? I’m so in turmoil right now

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 30/10/2022 10:13

What was it that he was trying to shoplift? Does it give any clues as to why, like is it something you wouldn't normally buy for him?

AnApparitionQuipped · 30/10/2022 10:15

Was he on his own or was it a group of friends (peer pressure scenario)?

Norwegianwanderer · 30/10/2022 10:44

Name changed for obvious reasons

Please try not to worry too much about this.

I also shoplifted at his age, only once, and a relatively ridiculous white nail varnish, but nevertheless wrong.

It was an impulsive act and if you had asked me then why I did it I couldn’t have answered. Looking back I think it was a reaction to overwhelming teenage angst, a desire to keep up with my peer group and a feeling that I just didn’t belong.

I have never stolen anything since, had a successful career in Finance and even spent several years investigating Financial fraud.

The latter taught me that people don’t always steal because of financial need. Some do, but emotional factors are often very instrumental.

My advice would be to approach the situation through talking to your DS and listening. You may not get answers immediately, but are much more likely too if you approach it from this stance. Your DS will know you are shocked and disappointed and he will be feeling ashamed of himself.

In his shoes what I needed when it was me, was someone to listen to what was going on with my peer group, understand how unhappy I was and to help me find a way through.

Proudsinglemum · 30/10/2022 13:11

@Norwegianwanderer thank you so much for your response you have made me feel a lot better. We had a very open talk yesterday (this happened Friday evening) and basically everything you said you felt looking back is what he said to me. I suppose as his mother I just never saw all that in him. He said it wasn’t even about what he took he was/is feeling upset that day and acted on impulse. I’m just trying to get behind the behaviour rather than just focusing on the behaviour itself.

OP posts:
Proudsinglemum · 30/10/2022 13:14

@AnApparitionQuipped he was with a group of friends but only he got caught shoplifting! I know they were involved somehow and my son admitted that ‘people’ in other words his friends have done it before and told him what to do and this was his first time but luckily in my opinion got caught. I hope it’s taught him a valuable lesson about so called friends and his future.

OP posts:
Proudsinglemum · 30/10/2022 13:18

@WhoWants2Know it was 2 items of very expensive brand name clothing. I say very expensive but it’s something I wouldn’t just buy him unless it was for Christmas or his birthday or doing something special. However he knows he could save up for it or ask me to contribute some money towards it. I don’t think it was really about the items I think it is a mixture between peer pressure and what he feeling about himself emotionally being at the age and transition he’s at plus impulse. He’s openly said he didn’t think it through and it wasn’t worth it

OP posts:
AnApparitionQuipped · 30/10/2022 13:22

It does sound to me as though he has succumbed to peer pressure; as you say, hopefully this shock will teach him a lesson and give him a very solid reason to step back from this group.

Hawkins001 · 30/10/2022 13:37

The record is not worth the risk, all the best op

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