At what age did you stop having a curfew? (Not a school night)

[Bananamaman]

DS used to be great at agreeing a time to be home after a night out, and I'd generally wait up to see he was home safely.

Recently he's become quite vague about times ("won't be too late, just going for a pizza!") then texts at various points to update ("all going back to X's, might be a bit later!") again ("I'll be back after I've been to Y's to watch a film, shouldn't be much after 1am") and again ("actually stopped off at Z's, all ok!")

Full marks for keeping in touch but I'm exhausted from waiting up or else going to bed and being woken by all these texts! But I can't work out whether the solution is to say "be back by midnight" or whatever as we did when he was a bit younger, or else to give up on curfews and waiting up all together and just expect him to let us know if he's sleeping over somewhere else. The latter feels like a bit of a leap and I'm not sure what the normal age would be for that and whether I'm being a bit slack or else far too cautious. I deliberately haven't given DS's age here as I'm interested in the age other people think this would be a reasonable thing to do.

If it makes any difference, we live in London and DS gets around on public transport until about 11 and then Uber, which he pays for himself.

How old is he?

Around 15/16 I guess, don’t wait up, and turn your phone to silent and then it won’t wake you.

Never had it in the first place. Come to an agreement and expect to stick to it.

Over 18

Out of respect for me, I do expect my DC to let me know if and when they'll be home before I go to sleep, because otherwise I won't sleep. It's more of a mutual respect thing than a time thing- If I'm out late I let them know too, so that they aren't worried about me getting a taxi, or startled by the sound of the door.

You say he is good at keeping in touch which is great so I would leave it up to him. Ask him what time he expects to be home. You say he is good at keeping in touch it’s a good opportunity to show him that you appreciate this and trust him. If he does miss a train, bus, struggles to find an Uber then he can let you know.

Go to bed and turn your phone on silent. Leave a light on downstairs that he can turn off when he is back. If you wake and the light is off then you know he is back. If it’s on and past the time he’s given you can check your phone.

I expect my nearly 17yo to be home before 11pm unless it's pre-arranged.

DD18 would be expected to tell us if its going to be after 11.30pm, but there isn't a restriction. I expect that to remain until she leaves home - it's not about curfew, it's about respecting our home life.

Once they leave school and start college/6th form. Well that's what I've done. I wouldn't feel happy about it whilst still in school.

When my DD finished her A-levels

From after GCSEs.

Really depends on maturity, honesty and keeping in touch.

From about 16 i didn't set curfews but I did know where they were and it didn't include hanging about in parks etc. Friends house I set no time as long as they were.getting a cab home and told me of any changes.

I remember primary school summers we were allowed to play out until it got dark at 10pm. That's the only curfew I ever remember having, but then I had my own place at 16/17 anyway

Thanks, everyone. This is really helpful. DS has just turned 17 so it sounds as if I’m not completely misjudging it.

Neither of mine had a curfew after age 16 but were expected to, and did/do, keep in touch.
They're 23 and almost 18 now, never had any problems apart from often bringing a few friends back to stay over, but I'd make them sort their own bedding!
I was working full time in central London at 16 and clubbing many nights a week so we based it on that. Would have changed if there was any trouble or lack of communication but it's been fine so far.
Outer London here - kids go out locally and in central London using public transport and Uber.
Always kept my phone on but didn't (couldn't) stay awake. I know their friends so if anything were to happen I know one of them would call me or their dad.
As it is now, my sons best friend has a huge house and his parents are often out so my son and several others seem to practically live there on non-school nights.

16, but we would agree a time. Say it was 1am, if he was later he'd text me that he was on his way. He was pretty good at coming home on time, mainly as buses stopped running by then! He had a girlfriend then and that seemed to also mean he stuck to a decent hour.

We're at about the same stage as you and ds is nearly 17. This summer, post GCSEs is when I stopped giving a specific time to be home. He has to have his key, keep in touch, and text me when he's in so if I wake up I can check my phone and know he's there.

I never had a curfew after age 13 but I had way more freedom than most. It had a lot to do with the town I grew up in though.