I care for a child with a genetic learning delay. I am her main Carer. She is almost an adult but emotionally and cognitively, due to her delay does not function to her expected age milestones. She wants to live independently when this becomes and option. Her Corporate Parent is the Local Authority and they will facilitate her living independently with some support, next year when she reaches 18. She knows I am not her Mum but I personally feel very attached to her. She has lived with me for over 8 years, full time. I am very protective of her but realise she needs to be able to learn how to protect herself as I will not always be there to protect her. She craves independence as I have perhaps been overly protective of her due to her vulnerabilities.
She has had issues in the past with Social Media with reference to unhealthy relationships, people taking advantage of her and her sharing images online. We have involved services to help with this and she has accessed additional support from her Social Worker. It was agreed that she would need to turn in her phone on an evening each night and not have this in her bedroom, for her own protection. This has worked well for the past 12 months without any further incidents.
Unfortunately, this weekend we noticed she was becoming secretive with her phone. Choosing to sit outside with it rather than using it in another downstairs room (where she would have privacy, but could be heard, if we wanted to). I asked her outright why she was being secretive and she said she was talking to boys. She said she had met them online and they are her own age. We have a rule she should not talk to people she does not know but she says she wants to make friends and its "up to her". She's 17 so I am trying to balance her management of risk with her independence and my caring responsibilities. I have expressed my concern to her SW, and School.
I am usually confident in my parenting, but with this I am struggling. I have worries about her choices but she is aware of the dangers - she just doesn't seem to think they apply to her.
I do not have the right to remove her phone. Given she is 17 and wants to live independently next year, she will need to learn to manage these things herself. But I can not get rid of the bad feelings I have about this and I worry I should be doing something more than I am.
I used to have an App on her phone which I could log in to to check her messages etc but since reaching 14, the Apps privacy settings mean I am not longer able to have this access. Does anyone have any advice ? I feel so close to this that I can not see the wood for the trees.